Most children, like adults, experience some anxious moments or
have fearful thoughts and feelings from time to time. But anxiety and
fear can be paralysing and some children simply can’t stop their
‘bad thoughts and feelings’. They don’t know how to silence
them. It’s important to remember that anxiety is a normal part of
life and it can be managed, but you should also recognise that it
takes time to manage anxiety and understand that it can’t be solved
in one conversation.
How to help children overcome anxious moments
- Anxiety is contagious. Parents and children can feed each other’s anxieties. When children get anxious, it’s the job of parents to stay calm, think clearly and role model confidence.
- When your child becomes anxious, create calmness through your
words, voice and facial expression.
Help your children unwind
Modern children are busy children. Regardless of age, their days
are filled with activities and it’s not uncommon for children to
have four and five extra curricular activities a week. There’s
nothing wrong with children being busy as long as they also have
plenty of chances to relax and unwind. Relaxation is a key to good
mental health and wellbeing and it’s an important life skill for
children to learn.
One way to ensure busy children unwind is to allow them to be
bored every so often. There’s a temptation to fill days with
activities so that no time is wasted. ‘I’m bored!’ is often the
last thing parents want to hear their children say. Many parents feel
compelled to do something to alleviate a child’s boredom. But
there’s nothing wrong with a little boredom now and then. “Boredom
can be good for children's mental health and wellbeing, because it
gives them the chance to take it easy for a time.
- Let children exercise without rules. Children have always been the kings and queens of play, that is until their lives became highly organised and scheduled. Child-initiated play is the ultimate in relaxation.
- Let children experience flow. It’s the ultimate unwind. Free play generally takes young children to flow state very quickly.
- Help children calm down before bedtime. Have a bedtime routine that calms children rather than winds them up. Be part of the routine by reading, telling nursery rhymes or giving soothing back rubs.
- Unwind with your children. Do something together that you
both enjoy.
Provide a consistent environment
Consistency is an essential element in our relationship with our
children because it puts them in control. Children love their parents
to be consistent, as it enables them to predict how parents will act.
It’s important to be consistent in all areas of parenting,
including regular mealtimes, bedtimes and reactions to behaviour.
This enables them to grow and reassures them someone is there for
them.
Children also like limits and boundaries, as they provide them
with structure and teach them how they should behave. Of course,
children also like to push parental boundaries, so parents need to
resist the pressure that children can exert upon them.
Consistency also means not parenting on a whim, so following
through and doing as we say. It means not giving children second and
third chances. It also means not allowing children to get away with
misbehaviour two or three times then coming down hard the fourth time
they misbehave. Consistency prevents misbehaviour from escalating. We
help children develop self-discipline, which is the aim, when we are
consistent and do as we say we will – every single time.
How to be consistent with your children
- Focus on priority behaviours. It’s difficult to be consistent with every single wrong doing, so focus on one or two main ones. When you follow through with priority behaviours it has a positive effect on other behaviour.
- Check your routines. Do you have routines for troublesome times of the day such as bedtime or mealtimes?
- Act rather than talking over or repeating yourself. Sometimes
a consequence can be inconvenient in the short term, but long term
it pays off with children who end up being better behaved.
No comments :
Post a Comment