Bullying

Bullying is when a person deliberately and repeatedly hurts someone else. The hurt can be physical or emotional. Bullying includes hitting, pushing, name calling, leaving people out and teasing. If anyone feels scared or hurt when they are with someone, they may be being bullied. Bullying is a form of aggression that can escalate into violence. Children who are being bullied need adults to intervene and provide support.

If parents don’t know whether or not their child is being bullied, the following are warning signs that might indicate that their child is being bullied.

The child:

• gets hurt or bruised;
• is scared or has nightmares;
• loses or has damaged possessions;
• puts him/herself down;
• doesn’t want to go to school;
• has no friends or party invitations;
• often feels sick; or
• acts aggressively. 
  
  

Parents can help their children deal with bullying by

• Asking their child what is wrong;
• Reminding children that they have a right to feel safe;
• Letting their children know what bullying is and how to spot it;
• Teaching children how to stand up for themselves (for example teaching them to look the person in the eye and say ‘stop bullying me’);
• Teaching children not to laugh at anyone being bullied, not to join in bullying, not to give a person who is bullying lots of attention and not to leave people out of games;
• Telling the school and demanding action. 
  
  

Parents can take steps to deal with children who are bullying others

• Increase supervision when the child is with other children;
• Talk with the child about the impact of bullying on others. Try to get them to understand what it is like for the person being bullied;
• Ask how they would feel if they were being bullied;
• Talk about what they think might help them to stop bullying;
• Make clear rules and consequences, and be consistent in addressing inappropriate behaviour;
• Praise children when they play cooperatively with others;
• Consider enrolling the child in a group program that helps children learn to manage their behaviour.
  

It is possible for a child to learn how to sort out problems in a way that makes everybody happy. Good conflict resolution skills do not seem to be used in most of the conflicts we see or hear about, (such as in the family home, in films and on television, on the news). However there are excellent ways of dealing with conflict that lead to a peaceful solution.
The following steps are useful in helping children find peaceful ways of solving problems with other people. You can change the way you ask the questions depending on the age of the child, but the general steps are the same for all ages.

• Help your child to understand the other person’s point of view and to learn how to take their perspective. Ask them what they think the other person might be feeling, or how they might feel if they were in the same situation. You could get them to ask the other person to say how they are feeling and what they would like to have happen.
• Together, you could encourage the children to brainstorm different ways that they could solve the problem. Encourage them to come up with several different and interesting ways that they could go about it.
• Help the children to choose the options that they think work best for everyone, and get them to have a go at putting them into practice. Stay around to see how they get on, and help them fine-tune the solution if needed.
• Reading children books that teach conflict resolution skills through stories can also be helpful. 
  
  

Helping when your child is bullied

• Listen to what your child tells you and don't dismiss it. It's important that he knows that you believe him and are taking him seriously
• Discuss with him why he thinks he's being picked on - by working out what is making him a target; he can work on strategies to overcome the problem. Make sure he knows that you don't think he's being bullied because of anything he's done.
• Don't take any action yourself unless your child agrees - although if he's being physically hurt, you may have to do something whether he wants you to or not.
• Help him work on some coping strategies - what he can do or say that may help his situation.
• Don't label your child or offer reasons that he may be being bullied - he needs your support not more proof of his lack of worth.
• Contact your child's school, if the bullying is happening there. They should have a bully policy and be receptive to your concerns.
• If you suspect that it's your child's lack of confidence that is making him a target, encourage his self-confidence by focussing on the things he does well.