Boys will be boys

Boys will be boys, but what does that mean exactly? Gender stereotypes label boys as loud and lacking the emotional depth of girls, but parents of boys know their sons do not necessarily fit into these categories.

Boys under the age of 10 can prove challenging for parents. Behaviour, poor self-confidence and learning issues keep parents of boys in that age group busy. The straightforward nature of adolescent boys makes them easier to raise compared with teenage girls, so the pressure does ease. This is good news for any parent who is tearing their hair out raising a household of young boys. Hang in there - life will get easier! It helps to appreciate what makes boys tick.

They are wired for activity

Boys are wired to be active and territorial, which is one of the reasons why parents are kept busy raising boys in the early years.  Boys are biologically more active than girls. They want and need to move. Rather than try to slow them down, meet them at their own game. Joint projects can result in a combined sense of accomplishment. There is a reason that dads play catch with their sons. They understand the need to connect through action.

They are slower to mature

The maturity gap between boys and girls of between 12 months and two years seems to be consistent all the way to adulthood. Parents should take this into account when deciding the school starting age of their sons. There is some wisdom in delaying the starting age of boys by up to a year.

They want approval

Most boys ache for approval from the parents - their fathers in particular. As a father, it is better to foster a strong relationship. Some boys like to talk; others like to share an activity and others love to be hugged. Make sure you match your relational style with theirs so you are on the same wavelength.

They want to blend in

Boys tend to be very loyal to their friends. They don't like to stand out from the crowd so they respond best to private praise and won't respect you if you embarrass them in front of their friends.

They need a disciplined approach

Boys like limits and boundaries. They make them feel safe and secure and help them learn to behave well. Boys also like to know that a parent will enforce the house rules, so don't be afraid to be firm, but you don't have to use the same authoritarian methods parents in the past may have used. Firmness, fairness and consistency are the keys to effective discipline for boys.

They are pragmatic learners

Boys need a reason to learn. If you are having difficulty motivating your son, point out the benefits of learning tasks. They may play a musical instrument when they know they can play in a band or practise kicking if they can see it helps them score more goals. Link learning to their interests. If they love skateboarding they will want to know more about it, so use this as a lever to motivate them if reading is a problem.

They are single-minded

Boys have a specialist brain, which tends to be logical and rational. They don't have the same connections between the right and left side of the brain that girls have. That's why parents often have to coach boys of all ages in the finer points of communicating. This can help them focus on tasks, make quick decisions and get to the point when needed. Deep, meaningful connections and attachments are key to healthy development. Forcing your son to be a “big boy” doesn’t help a boy who is truly terrified in his heart. Boys won’t show you their fear. Forcing them to be independent only isolates them from their emotions and causes them to pretend independence.


Understand your son’s real feelings
Often when boys are behaving aggressively or responding with anger, they are stifling powerful emotions such as sadness, shame, or fear. When you see aggressive or angry behaviour, look for the pain behind it. Find ways to connect with your son that allow him to share with you the root of the problem. Be an active listener, and by that I mean be active with your son and let him talk.


Teach your son that there are different ways to become a real man
Becoming a professional athlete or earning lots of money are two conventional representations of successful manhood. There are others. Help your son look around, see the man who is an artist, the the boy who recently graduated from college and has chosen to be a teacher. These are also real men.


Encourage creative expression
Once the sports routine of soccer, basketball and baseball starts for boys, many families forgo the art classes for example. Don’t give in to convention; help your son express his creativity by keeping up with the art/music/dance classes. Do it together. Or make it a habit to visit art galleries, museums and concerts. If you are inclined towards crafts, do craft projects with your son.


Be an advocate for your son and all boys
No one knows your boy better than you do. Trust your instincts. If something does not feel right, it probably isn’t. Perhaps it is time to sit back and consider what you feel to be the right course of action and stand by your son.