Regardless of the make up of your family, all families generally want the same thing – to be happy. And this is the number one family goals set by millions of people world wide. But how do you achieve it?
You have likely heard the statement, “The best thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.” Actually, one of the best things parents can do for each other – as well as their children – is to build and nurture a strong marriage.
Our definition of ‘family’ has changed over the past few
decades to include single parent and same-sex families as well as the
traditional family structure of two parents and their children living
together. It might be valuable to occasionally evaluate the dynamics
of your family to ensure that everyone is as happy as they could be.
Happy families have certain traits in common. Children benefit from
regular mealtimes, affection, play, traditions and outings with the
whole family.
Communication
Talk
about what has happened during your day, what you have learned, how
you feel about events going on in the world. Families
benefit from open two-way communication that is loving, understanding
and patient. Suggestions include:
- Being honest with each other.
- Listening to each other with full attention.
- Staying in contact with each other.
- Reassuring each other of your love with words, cuddles and making time for each other.
- Sharing thoughts and feelings without censuring or criticising each other.
- Encouraging positive behaviour.
- Working together to solve problems and conflicts.
- Laughing together.
Sharing activities
Happy families share activities together. Spending
enjoyable time with your family is important, too. Eating meals
together can bring your family closer. Great times and memories
happen around the kitchen table! Additional ideas might be playing
card or table games together, taking walks or bike rides, making
videos or photos to send to grandparents. Suggestions
include:
- Share time together. As you plan your day, include time with your spouse. Yes, work or hobbies are important – even essential. But where are your priorities? Your spouse will notice and feel valued when time with them is high on your list. Find things you enjoy doing as a couple – things that don’t cost a lot of money.
- Make dinner time an opportunity for round table family discussions.
- Play together.
- Go on regular family outings.
- Decide as a group on important family ‘traditions’, such as how to celebrate birthdays and festive occasions.
- Plan holidays that cater for the whole family.
Togetherness
Children need to be involved in some of the decision making if
they are to feel like a worthwhile family member. Happy families
share a feeling of togetherness. This includes:
- Sharing a common sense of belonging.
- Sharing beliefs that really matter.
- Enjoying the place we call home.
- Celebrating together.
Support
Happy families support and encourage each other by:
- Looking out for each other.
- Sharing the load.
- Being there for each other.
- Encouraging each other to try new things.
- Taking an active interest in each other’s hobbies.
Affection
Happy families show their affection for each other in a
variety of ways, including:
- Telling family members how they feel about them.
- Showing their love for each other.
- Considering each other, including each other’s feelings.
- Caring about each other.
- Doing things for each other.
Acceptance
Families are made up of different individuals with different
needs and, sometimes, different values and beliefs. Show acceptance
of these individual differences by:
- Accepting the differences.
- Giving each other space.
- Respecting each other’s points of view.
- Being able to forgive each other.
- Each taking on their own responsibilities.
Commitment
What
can a couple do to strengthen their marriage and family? Stay
committed to each other and your family. Commitment is put to the
test when challenges and difficult issues come along.
What
will you do? Choose to honestly work through the issues, or
emotionally move away from each other to avoid confrontation? Strong
commitment will give you the courage to face challenges and make
changes as the marriage develops. Happyfamilies have a genuine commitment to each other, which is shown
through:
- Feeling safe and secure with each other.
- Trusting each other.
- Keeping promises.
- Having rules.
Resilience
Happy families show their resilience through:
- Talking things through.
- Changing plans when they need to.
- Learning from the tough times.
- Pulling together in a crisis.
- Discussing problems.
Say “I love you”
Let
your spouse and each family member know they are loved and
appreciated. Say “I love you.” You may think they already know
that you love them, but hearing the words sends a powerful message.
Let each one know that their place in the family is important, and
you notice the things they do to contribute to the family. Surprise
each other with little notes of encouragement tucked under a pillow.
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