Why do children lie?

 

Why do children lie? 

 

Children tell lies for many reasons, depending on the situation and their motivation. Children might lie to:

• cover something up, hoping to avoid consequences or punishment
• explore and experiment with their parents’ responses and reactions
• exaggerate a story or impress others
• gain attention, even when they’re aware the listener knows the truth
• manipulate a situation or set something up – for example, saying to grandma, ‘Mum lets me have cakes before dinner’. 

 

When do children start lying? 

 

Children can learn to tell lies from an early age, usually by around three years of age. This is when they begin to work out that grown-ups are not mind readers, and that they can give people false information – perhaps to get out of trouble or to cover up.

Generally, children lie more between 4-6. They may become more skilled at telling a lie through their body language or being good actors, but will often implicate themselves if pushed to explain further. Studies suggest that four-year-olds can lie about once every two hours, and six-year-olds about every 90 minutes.

When children reach school-age, they lie more often and can do so more convincingly. The lies also become more sophisticated, as their vocabulary grows and they better understand how other people think. By eight, children can lie successfully without getting caught out.

 

What to do when your child lies 

 

Be positive, and emphasise the importance of honesty in your family.

You can tell your child that you appreciate being told the truth and don’t like it when she lies to you. For example, try saying ‘When you don’t tell me the truth, I feel sad and disappointed’.

Generally, it’s better to teach children the value of telling the truth than to punish them for minor misdeeds. Praise your child for honesty, even if it sometimes takes you a while to get it.

Children like to make things up. They exaggerate stories to give them a bit more ‘flavour’. In fact, pretending and imagining are important to your child’s development.

Tips for encouraging honesty

 

Once children grow old enough to understand the difference between true and not true, it's good to encourage and support them in telling the truth.

• If your child is telling you something that is imaginary or make-believe, you can simply go along with it. Pretending and imagining are important to your child’s development. For example, your child might tell you that she’s a super-hero. You could respond by asking her about her super-powers.
• Help your child avoid getting into situations where he feels he needs to lie. For example, you see your child has spilled some milk. You could say to him, ‘Did you spill the milk?’ He might lie and say no because he thinks he’s about to get into trouble. To avoid this situation, you could just say, ‘I see there’s been an accident with the milk. Let’s clean it up’.
• Make sure that you have clear rules about what is acceptable behaviour in your home. Children are more likely to behave within acceptable boundaries if clear rules are enforced.
• When your child owns up to doing something wrong, praise her for being honest. Say things like, ‘I am really glad you told me the truth. I like it when you are honest’. In fact, it’s important that your child knows that you won’t get upset if she owns up to something.
• If your child is deliberately misleading you, let him know that lying is not acceptable. Explain why it’s not a good thing and that you might not be able to trust him in future. Then use appropriate consequences to deal with the behaviour that led to the lie. For example, if your child drew on the wall, get him to help you clean it up.
• Try to deal separately with the lying and the behaviour that led to it. First, deal with the lying the way you said you would (for example, use time-out). Then have a look at what caused the behaviour behind the lie. If your child lied to get your attention, consider more positive ways you could give her attention. If she lied to get something she wanted – for example, toys from grandma – consider a rewards system that lets her earn special treats.
• Try to avoid telling your child that he is a ‘liar’. Labelling him in this way might negatively affect his self-esteem, or lead to even more lying. That is, if your child believes he’s a liar, he might as well as keep lying. It’s more helpful to label and talk about your child’s actions and behaviours.
• One way to discourage children from obvious lying is to make a joke, or exaggerate the untrue statement. For example, a young child might explain a broken toy by saying, ‘A man came in and broke it’. You could say something silly like, ‘Why didn’t you invite him in for dinner?’ Continue the joke a bit longer until the child ‘confesses’. This way, you uncover the lie and teach a lesson without any need for discipline or conflict.
  

More tips: older children

 

• As children get older, lies can become a habit. If the lying is happening a lot, make a set time to sit calmly with your child. Talk to her about how her lying makes you feel, how it affects your relationship with her, and what it might be like if family and friends stop trusting her.
• Always tell your child when you know for sure that he is not telling the truth. Your child needs to know that honesty is important to you. But try to avoid asking him all the time if he is telling the truth.
• It might seem like no matter what you do, your child keeps lying. Stick with it! Research says that it’s not until children are seven or older that their parents’ efforts pay off. Children whose parents discipline them for lying and praise them for telling the truth lie less as they grow up.
• Stay involved in your child’s life and encourage her to be truthful with you. Children of all ages who have good communication with their parents and talk with them about what they’re doing are less likely to engage in antisocial behaviour.
  

Certainly there are times when a child is very young that certain information can be harmful to her. Details about horrific events or deaths of loved ones can cause some trauma in your child. Parents need to use their best judgment regarding what their child can and cannot handle. However, parents should avoid keeping details from her just because they don’t want to have to deal with the pain she might feel from the news. With each challenging event that parents take head on, offering the encouragement their child needs will help her grow emotionally stronger. Then, when the most difficult realities of life hit her, she will be prepared to face them.

Benefits of baby massage

What are the benefits of baby massage? Stroking and caressing your baby is instinctive. Who can resist those tiny, tender toes or that fine, silky skin, let alone the delicious smell of a newborn? It is no accident that babies are designed this way - research studies show that loving touch has profound effects on infant development.

Just a little time each day can help your baby become calmer and happier, with fewer stress hormones and healthier immune function as massage releases endorphins, those 'feel good' hormones that help us all reduce stress. Baby massage could also make your child smarter: as well as stimulating your baby's nervous system and encouraging brain development, studies have shown that babies with lower levels of cortisol (a stress hormone) in their blood do better at mental and motor ability tests.

There is good news for tired mums too: a few simple strokes can lull your baby into a deeper, more restful sleep. Perhaps one of the most significant benefits of baby massage is that it incorporates all the important elements of being a parent:

• child bonding,
• skin contact,
• eye contact,
• hearing your voice,
• experiencing a focused response.
  
  

The benefits of infant massage are many, here are just some:

• It is fun and enjoyable for both baby and parent.
• Helps both baby and parent to relax.
• Encourages baby to sleep deeper and longer.
• Improves colic and constipation and calms irritable babies.
• Establishes a close, loving communication and relationship with your baby.
• Provides opportunity for fathers to spend quality time with their babies.
• Strokes can be adapted for use on babies and children with special needs to help them reach their potential.
• Massage can also be adapted for use with children of all ages. Babies and children who are massaged regularly are more likely to have a secure relationship with parents and so tend to have better relationships with others, both as children and adults.
• Supports your baby’s ability to full fill their individual developmental potential. Massage does this by supporting maturation of the nervous system, in turn assisting brain/body communication.
  
  
  Baby massage also:
  
  
  -     Relieves physical and emotional stress in your baby. Babies who have had invasive procedures (eg. medical care) and/or separation from family, a difficult birth or other event may carry anxiety about / or expressed through touch. Focused time during massage, ‘listening’ to your baby and approaching the massage with respect and sensitivity, can help to heal fear and rebuild trust and enjoyment of the ‘skin’ they live in.
  
  
  -     Massage may pave a smoother path through childhood illnesses because it supports a healthy immune system. Massage does this by assisting efficient circulation of blood and lymph around the body and also by engendering feelings of happiness!
  
   -    Massage is a great way to let your baby know they are loved and cherished.
  

How depression affests children?

 

Children with clinical depression are hard to engage and motivate. Their low mood may be constant. They may cry and whinge and be very difficult to soothe. The child may become irritable easily. Outbursts of anger may result in feelings of misery and guilt. Teaching staff may notice that the child looks sad and withdrawn or seems especially sensitive.

A child may be depressed if he or she:

• Is grumpy, sad, or bored most of the time.
• Does not take pleasure in things he or she used to enjoy.

A child who is depressed may also:

• Lose or gain weight.
• Sleep too much or too little.
• Feel hopeless, worthless, or guilty.
• Have trouble concentrating, thinking, or making decisions.
• Think about death or suicide a lot.

The symptoms of depression are often overlooked at first. It can be hard to see that symptoms are all part of the same problem.   Also, the symptoms may be different depending on how old the child is:

• Very young children may lack energy and become withdrawn. They may show little emotion, seem to feel hopeless, and have trouble sleeping.
• Grade-school children may have a lot of headaches or stomach aches. They may lose interest in friends and activities that they liked in the past.
• Teens may sleep a lot or move or speak more slowly than usual. 

Signs of depression in children

Children are often unable to explain how they are feeling, especially when depressed. In diagnosing depression mental health professionals look for key signs and symptoms in children’s behaviour. When several of the following signs or symptoms occur together and are out of character for the child, they indicate psychological distress and need attention.

 

When adults are depressed feelings of sadness are often very obvious. In children irritability may be more noticeable than sadness. Sleep changes in children are more likely to be a change to sleeping less rather than sleeping more. Loss of appetite and weight loss sometimes occur in children but are less common than in adults with depression.

As well as behaviours that can be observed, children with depression have thought of self-criticism and helplessness. For example, depressed children may think their parents or carers favour other children in the family or that they are useless and 'a waste of space'. Some children also have thoughts of suicide. It is important to take seriously any talk about wanting to die or hurt oneself from a child of any age. Whether such talk represents a clear intention of suicide or is a dramatic way of expressing feelings of depression, it indicates a high level of distress that requires attention.

How to choose a right prep school in London?

Prince Charles introduces his mother to his teachers on sports day at Hill House school, 1957.

Age range

The word “Preparatory” relates to independent schools whose original purpose was to “prepare” pupils for entry to Public Schools on a competitive basis – by passing the Common Entrance Exam at ages 11, 12 or 13. However, there has been a major expansion of UK independent education and these days the schools are a lot more flexible in meeting the needs of parents and their children.

The words “Public School” relate to the old traditional schools like Eton and Harrow. Nowadays there are considerably more private schools in the senior sector and the term “independent senior school” is more generic.

Preps typically cover ages from 7 or 8 to 11 or 13. The words “Pre-Preparatory” relate to schools in the previous age range from ages 2/3 to 7/8. Some schools call the period before age 5 Nursery or Reception. Some schools cater for children all the way from 3 to 18. These are known as “all through” schools and they can be attractive to some as they offer a complete education in a well-known and settled environment. It also means that children can maintain their friendships throughout their schooldays, which some may feel is very important. The advantage of being in an “all through” is that your child tends to progress naturally into the senior school. If you are “on the outside” there might be a waiting list. On the other hand, children can find it stifling being at the same school for 15 years. Will the school that was right for your 3 year old still be right at 16?

How does the Curriculum work?

It must be quite confusing for you to read that Prep Schools are free to decide whether or not they take part in National Curriculum Tests. What this means in reality is that Prep School pupils enjoy a broader, more varied curriculum that is not over-burdened with constant testing and the need to follow rigidly laid courses. Added to this class sizes are much smaller than in state primary schools, typically about 15 pupils in a class, so that teachers can give more time and attention to individual needs. It should also be stated that Prep Schools employ many more specialist teachers than are to be found in the state system. This results in high educational standards and outstanding levels of achievement.

As mentioned earlier some Preps follow the National Curriculum and others don’t. Ask the school for the reasons for their own approach and how it benefits their children.

Entrance tests

At the younger ages most preps and pre-preps will just want to interview you and the child prior to making you an offer. Often they will invite you to let the child spend a half day in a normal class. It will be put to you that this is a test for you to ensure your child is happy – which it is – however the school will be observing if your child fits seamlessly into a class of children of similar ages. For entry ages of 7 or 8 and older, preps might start requesting entry tests before considering admission. These are likely to focus primarily on English but may also take into account general knowledge and maths. There is no standard approach here – so you need to ask.

Religious denomination?

Most schools will originally start from one faith – you will find Church of England, Roman Catholic, Methodist, Jewish, Muslim, etc. You will also find that most schools will accept pupils of any faith. If your views are particularly strong, then discuss them with the school. For example if you are sending your child to a Catholic School, they will likely insist all pupils will attend Mass. In this day and age, most schools are becoming non denominational and respecting all faiths.

Will your child be happy there?

• What do other parents/children say about it?

Of course, it is vital that your child is happy, especially if this is their first experience of school.

Of course, you are not going to know the answer until after they get there – so what can you do?

Your key lines of enquiry could be to:

(1) assess the Head who sets the tone of the school,

(2) observe and question existing children and parents at the school,

(3) see what your child thinks after the school visit – did the school go out of their way to motivate him or her.

Does it have a good track record?

• What are leaver destinations?

In the absence of exam scores, a key measurement is the destination of leavers. If you are selecting a prep to get your child into a specific independent senior school, you want to know what the school’s track record is for getting pupils into their first choice senior schools.

What is the teaching like?

• Quality of teachers, staff turnover,

• Curriculum,

• Class sizes and school overall,

• School discipline and rules,

• School inspection report.

Ethos of School

Every prep school establishes its own ethos, which can best be evaluated by observing the behaviour of pupils both in and out of class. Are they well behaved in class? Were they working hard? Did they greet you in a polite way? Do they look happy? Are they neat and tidy?  The most important factor is the Head, because he or she sets the entire tone for the school. You will only find out by meeting the Head and asking lots of questions!

School Discipline

Areas such as the school policy on discipline can be an important consideration when you are trying to choose between schools. There can be very big differences between schools with a highly traditional approach and those that put the emphasis on self- development and learning by experience. What you will find is that there is generally a more structured environment in independent schools than in the state sector, but nevertheless quite big differences exist, as for example between modern schools on the one hand, and traditional schools on the other.

Only you can be the judge of what you prefer for your children. You should have that discussion with the Head of the schools you approach.

How good is the Teaching?

In many Preps and small schools, the Head will also teach and thereby set the standards and tone for his/her staff. Good schools will list their teaching staff and their qualifications. Hopefully you will be allowed to meet a few and form your own impressions. A measure of a good school is low staff turnover. You should be able to get impressions of these factors by looking at the school inspection report.

What do the school inspection reports say?

All schools are subject to regular school inspections. They are carried out by different bodies, depending on a school’s affiliation. The majority in England are done by the Independent Schools Inspectorate on much the same principles as OFSTED. In Wales it is usually done by ESTYN. In Scotland it is done by HM Inspectorate of Education working for The Scottish Executive - just ask the school for a copy. Some schools print abbreviated versions, which tend to highlight the good bits. Ask to see the full version even if you do have to wade through 60 pages.

How big are class sizes and the overall school

You are “buying” small class sizes and individual attention by using private education – so you want to know that there are 20 or less to a class. However, you also want to know that the school is not too small (e.g. 5 pupils per class) then parents start to withdraw their children.

Guardianship

If a parent is outside of the UK, whether they are UK or Foreign Nationals, arrangements must be made for each full boarding child to have a guardian, who can take responsibility for the child, particularly outside of school hours at half term. For UK nationals, there is often a relative to undertake the role. For others, the services of a Guardian must be secured. Some schools will have teamed up with a guardianship services company. Such services are not cheap – so remember to factor in the costs.

School Facilities

Today most schools in the independent sector spend a great deal of their budgets on the fabric of their buildings and in providing outstanding facilities for their pupils. Parents should ask to see the school library and enquire about the sports area and whether or not the school has a sports hall. Most Prep schools today should have well- equipped IT centres. It is no longer surprising that many children of 11 or younger are more adept with computers than their parents! If your child is interested in the creative arts you should ask to see the Art School and find out what different types of materials can pupils use in their studies. However, it should be borne in mind that great facilities do not necessarily make a great school!

Many independent schools offer a huge range of activities – from sports to arts to music to outward bound courses. The point is that that opportunities are invariably extensive – as long as you realise you are going to pay an extra fee for most of them – if not for the teacher, then for the equipment.

Sports and music are always well catered for – in contrast to the diminishing availability in state schools. A school will always provide you with a list of their activities and for those with a rather anxious child, it is a way of motivating them to overcome their reservations.

It is a huge decision

Lastly, after doing all of your research, go back to basics. The real starting point for choosing a school has to begin with you and your hopes and aspirations for your children. You know them better than anyone else and can best judge their strengths and weaknesses. You are in the best position to know what type of school will work best for them. Although your schooldays were some time ago, the essentials in the 21st Century remain the same as when you were at school. Literacy and numeracy plus knowing the difference between right and wrong count for as much in the modern world as they did when you were a schoolchild. You need to match the qualities you consider right for education with those offered by the right school.

Nature Play

Most adults climbed trees and played outdoors when they were children. But today's young people don't play outdoors like their parents. It's an omission with grave implications. Nature is unruly, untamed. But it is also our future.

We may have disconnected from nature, but we are delusional if we think we can live without it. Ignoring the value and contribution of nature to our well being is, quite literally, life threatening. But ignoring is exactly what we're doing. In his 2005 book, Last Child in the Woods, author Richard Louv, gave this ignorance a term: Nature Deficit Disorder. While not a medically recognised condition, there is an ever expanding body of work which supports Louv's central theme: that deprivation of a relationship with nature is fraught with multiple health and welfare issues. For people. And planet.

Experiencing nature in an outdoor setting can help tackle not only physical health
problems such as obesity and coronary heart disease, but also mental health problems. Children benefit greatly from unstructured play, particularly make-believe play. And children are far more creative in natural play spaces than on the typical flat playground, whether it’s made of concrete or turf. They are far more likely to invent their own games in natural places. And in schools that have outdoor classrooms children tend to do better across the board from social studies to standardized testing. It seems to me that using all of your senses at the same time is the optimum state of learning. When you’re sitting in front of a computer screen, or locked in a cubicle called a classroom, you’re not using all your senses at the same time. Outdoors, you are.

Nature play has also been correlated with a longer attention span, and studies show it’s an antidote to child obesity. Psychological health is another benefit: children with more experience in nature, even if it’s just a view from their room of a natural landscape are more psychologically resilient, or correlated to more psychological resilience. Creativity, greater capacity for attentive learning, sharpened senses, physical fitness, psychological resilience—there’s clearly no dearth of reasons to get children outdoors as early as possible.

Developing this early connection with nature has a deep and profound influence on children's intellectual health as well. Richard Louv's book is packed with examples, including the school who educated their children out amongst local rivers, mountains and forests, "96 per cent of [their] students meet or exceed state standards for math problem-solving—compared to only 65 per cent of eighth graders at comparable middle schools."

And let's not forget family weekends camping in the bush; or simply get down and dirty, rolling in the grass and watching bees in the backyard or nearby park, with Mum and Dad. For as William Shakespeare penned, "One touch of nature makes the whole world kin."

Children want happy parents

Nothing is more beautiful than a smile on loved ones’ faces.

By toddlerhood, the child has started to use his mother’s and father’s faces as an immediate guide to the behaviour in his particular environment. In infancy, these looks and smiles have an even more powerful role to play: they trigger off pleasurable biochemicals that actually help the social brain to grow. These biochemical responses, in turn, trigger an enormous increase in glucose metabolism during the first two years of life. This glucose metabolism, in turn, facilitates the expression of genes.

The exact sequence is as follows:

• When the baby looks at the mother (or father), he/she reads their dilated pupils as indicating that their sympathetic nervous system is pleasurably aroused

• In response, the baby’s own nervous system gets pleasurably aroused and his/her heart rate goes up

• These processes trigger off a biochemical response: a pleasure neuropeptide (called beta-endorphin) is released into circulation, specifically into the orbitofrontal region of the brain

• Natural opioids like beta-endorphin help neurons grow, by regulating glucose and insulin, as well as making you feel good

• At the same time, another neurotransmitter called dopamine is released from the brainstem and also makes its way to the prefrontal cortex.

Children develop in the context of interpersonal relationships. Young children develop through their relationships with the important people in their lives: these relationships are the ‘active ingredients’ of the environment’s influence on human development.

Children who have healthy relationships with their mothers are more likely to develop insights into other people’s feelings, needs, and thoughts, which form a foundation for cooperative interactions with others and an emerging conscience. Our minds emerge and our emotions become organised through engagement with other minds, not in isolation. This means that the unseen forces that shape our emotional responses through life are not primarily our biological urges, but the patterns of emotional experience with other people, most powerfully set up in infancy. These patterns are like all habits, once established, they are hard to break.

Early development is determined by the quality of their attachment experiences. Later development continues to be shaped through relationships – the brain can be reprogrammed through positive relationships (although it becomes increasingly difficult to do so).

Importance of emotional development

'People may choose to eat too much or too little, drink too much alcohol, react to other people without thinking, fail to have empathy for others, fall ill, make unreasonable emotional demands, become depressed, attack others physically, and so on, largely because their capacity to manage their own feelings has been impaired by their poorly developed emotional systems.’ (Gerhardt, 2004)

The development of emotional intelligence and empathy have long-term developmental implications:

• A growing body of scientific evidence tells us that emotional development begins early in life, that it is a critical aspect of the development of overall brain architecture and that it has enormous consequences over the course of a lifetime

• The foundations of social competence that are developed in the first five years are linked to emotional well-being and affect a child's later ability to functionally adapt in school and to form successful relationships throughout life

The core features of emotional development (or ‘emotional intelligence’) are the ability

• to identify and understand one's own feelings,

• to accurately read and comprehend emotional states in others,

• to manage strong emotions and their expression in a constructive manner,

• to regulate one's own behaviour,

• to develop empathy for others, and

• to establish and sustain relationships.

Our children are like mirrors they reflect our attitudes in life. After all, life isn’t the same without someone who loves you.

Overweight children

Around the world, levels of childhood obesity have been rising for a number of reasons including a shift in diet towards increased intake of foods that are high in fat and sugars and a reduction in the amount of time spent on physical activity.

Children who are overweight or obese can benefit from healthy eating and regular physical activity (exercise). It is important to develop healthy patterns in childhood to prevent weight or health problems later in life. Professional advice from a doctor or dietitian can help your child reach and maintain a healthy weight.

The number of overweight children is increasing. Research shows that overweight children are more likely to become overweight adults.

Encouraging your child to eat healthy food and be physically active is important for their healthy future. It can be a challenge and requires patience, positivity, practice and time.

Seek advice if you’re not sure

Children have different body shapes at different ages, so it can be difficult to tell if a child is overweight. Your family doctor, school nurse or an experienced health professional will be able to give you feedback on your child’s growth.

Why children become overweight

Children become overweight when the energy they ‘take in’ (through food and drink) is greater than the energy they ‘put out’ (through physical activity and exercise). A diet high in energy and fat, combined with low levels of physical activity and exercise, will lead to a person becoming overweight.

Children inherit body type and shape from their parents. You cannot change these factors but you can influence your child’s eating habits and activity patterns, which will also affect their body weight.

Possible problems for overweight children

Overweight children can face many difficulties. They may feel different from other children, which can affect their confidence. They can also be subjected to bullying from other children. This may make parents feel worried about their child taking part in everyday activity such as school sports.

Although health problems are less common in childhood, children who continue to be overweight into adulthood are at greater risk of developing:

-  High blood fats and heart disease
-  Type 2 diabetes
-  High blood pressure
-  Stroke
-  Joint problems
-  Breathing problems
-  Some forms of cancer.

It is rare for a medical condition to cause a child to become overweight, but always check with your doctor if you are concerned. 

 

How to help your overweight child

If your child is overweight, it is important to seek the advice of a health professional. You may be advised to make permanent changes to your family’s lifestyle and eating patterns. Everyone at home should be involved in these changes, regardless of body weight, so that no child feels singled out. Making the right changes will protect your children from developing eating and dieting problems later in life.

It may take a number of attempts before children are happy to change their food choices or become more active. This can be frustrating for parents who have their children’s best interests at heart. Don’t give up. Remember to stay positive. Children who are overweight need to know that they are loved and important, regardless of their weight. 

 

How to make healthy food choices

A healthy diet is not only the type of food your child eats but also the amount of food they eat. All children should eat regularly, including healthy snacks.

Good nutrition starts early in life. Wherever possible try to:

-  Breastfeed.
-  Introduce solids at around six months.
-  Encourage a wide variety of nutritious foods. No particular food should be forced or overly restricted.
-   added fats (such as oil, margarine and butter) in small amounts.
-  Offer fresh vegetables and fruit instead of processed snack foods.
-  Include small amounts of treats such as cakes, chips or takeaway foods occasionally (once or twice per week). Enjoy them as a family.
-  Offer children water when they are thirsty. Sweet drinks including juice, cordial and soft drinks are not necessary and can contribute to tooth decay.

Ways to encourage healthy changes to your child’s eating

Suggestions include:

-  Buy, prepare and offer the foods you would like your child to eat. Allow them to choose what and how much of these foods they will eat.
-  Keep offering healthy foods even if they are refused at first.
-  Include your child’s food choices in the family menu sometimes.
-  Act as a role model. Make sure your child sees you eating healthy foods.
-  Involve children in simple food preparation such as making a salad.
-  Let your child decide if they have had enough, even if food is left on their plate. This encourages children to better understand feelings of hunger and fullness. These habits may help to control appetite and prevent overeating as they grow.
-  Encourage slow eating if yours is a family of fast eaters. Put your knife and fork down between mouthfuls.
-  Help your child recognise if he or she eats when bored, sad or lonely. Try to suggest another activity to help distract them.
-  Try not to punish, reward or cheer your child up with food. It can be tempting to use food this way sometimes, but it establishes an unhealthy relationship with food.

Fun family activity

An active lifestyle is important for the whole family, regardless of their age or weight. Physical activity helps to build skills, makes you feel better and helps to protect you from many lifestyle diseases.

Activity should be fun, without focusing only on competition or skills. To keep children active as they get older, they may need help from their parents to include physical activity in the family routine.

Tips to increase everyday activity at home

Suggestions include:

-  Be active together. Let your child see you being active too.
-  Encourage lots of free playtime outside.
-  Try to use the car less. Walk or cycle to school, the shops or to a friend’s house.
-  Help your child find a balance between organised sport, fun activities and individual sports like swimming and dancing.
-  Find an activity that your child enjoys and that is fun, readily available, affordable and matches your child’s age and skill level.
-  Be supportive and encouraging. Some children feel embarrassed and uncomfortable about their physical skills or appearance.
-  Teach your children to be active – even though it’s not always easy. Remember, if your child gets hot, puffed and sweaty when active, this is generally a good sign that they are working their bodies and getting some benefit from the exercise.

Television and screen viewing  

Watching too much television is linked closely with overweight in children. When children watch TV, they are not being active. They are also more likely to see food advertisements that encourage them to eat, whether they are hungry or not. Suggestions include:

-  Limit sedentary activity like TV viewing, watching videos, playing personal screen games and using computers. These activities should total no more than two hours a day for children five years and older and, no more than one hour per day for children aged two to five years.
-  Avoid eating while the TV is on. This may be a distraction from family time together.

Getting started

Start slowly. It is best to manage one or two small changes before moving on to the next change. Find out what works for your family – everyone is different. Small setbacks may happen, but try to be patient and reward your child’s effort and progress with treats like books, stickers or special outings.

Children who stutter

Stuttering, or stammering, is a speech disorder characterised by interruptions to speech such as hesitating, repeating sounds and words, or prolonging sounds.

Causes of stuttering in children

There are many theories and popular beliefs about what causes stuttering. However, despite considerable scientific research from the second half of the 20th century onwards, the cause of the disorder remains a mystery. All we can say at the dawn of the 21st century is that stuttering is most likely due to some problem with the neural processing (brain activity) that underlies speech production.

Development of stuttering

The progression of stuttering tends to follow the following pattern:

• Stuttering normally begins in children aged two to three years.
• Stuttering may develop gradually or suddenly.
• If stuttering is not treated in the preschool years, it starts to become difficult to treat in later years.
  
  

Natural recovery

Some children appear to recover from stuttering without any intervention. However, it is not possible to predict whether an individual child will recover. Parents should not be advised that their child will ‘grow out of’ stuttering. This will not be true in all cases, for if it were, there would be no such thing as stuttering in adulthood.

There are many problems in measuring the actual rate of natural recovery – estimates have ranged from 30 to 90 per cent of cases. Several recent estimates have been around the 75 per cent mark, but these were population estimates and they cannot be applied to children who come to a clinic for treatment. For reasons unknown, boys seem to be less likely to recover naturally than girls. 

 

Seek professional help

Parents should always seek professional help from a speech pathologist if their child begins to stutter. The speech pathologist will determine whether treatment should occur immediately or whether it is better to wait a while to see if natural recovery occurs. Stuttering children should always be treated at some time during the preschool years.

Treatment for children

The best evidence (from clinical trials) for treating children who stutter is the Lidcombe Program of Early Stuttering Intervention. This is a behaviour modification treatment. The main principles involve praising a child when words are spoken clearly, and occasionally noting when stuttering has occurred.

It’s essential for parents to be trained in the Lidcombe technique to ensure they know how to comment positively about their child’s speech (rather than the child’s behaviour). If parents and carers receive proper training, there is no evidence that correcting a child’s speech will cause the child to become stressed or anxious. In fact, research has shown that the Lidcombe program causes no such adverse psychological events.

Helping a child who stutters

There is a lot you can do as a parent or caregiver to help a child overcome a stutter.

1. Speak with your child in an unhurried way, pausing frequently. Wait a few seconds after your child finishes speaking before you begin to speak. Your own slow, relaxed speech will be far more effective than any criticism or advice such as "slow down" or "try it again slowly."

2. Reduce the number of questions you ask your child. Children speak more freely if they are expressing their own ideas rather than answering an adult's questions. Instead of asking questions, simply comment on what your child has said, thereby letting him know you heard him.

3. Use your facial expressions and other body language to convey to your child that you are listening to the content of her message and not to how she's talking.

4. Set aside a few minutes at a regular time each day when you can give your undivided attention to your child. During this time, let the child choose what he would like to do. Let him direct you in activities and decide himself whether to talk or not. When you talk during this special time, use slow, calm, and relaxed speech, with plenty of pauses. This quiet, calm time can be a confidence-builder for younger children, letting them know that a parent enjoys their company. As the child gets older, it can be a time when the child feels comfortable talking about his feelings and experiences with a parent.

5. Help all members of the family learn to take turns talking and listening. Children, especially those who stutter, find it much easier to talk when there are few interruptions and they have the listeners' attention.

6. Observe the way you interact with your child. Try to increase those times that give your child the message that you are listening to her and she has plenty of time to talk. Try to decrease criticisms, rapid speech patterns, interruptions, and questions.

7. Above all, convey that you accept your child as he is. The most powerful force will be your support, whether your child stutters or not. 

Benefits of Baby Swim

In what other medium are you able to bond face to face, skin to skin and share the joy of learning together? A very special time and a special place for you and your child.

Parents are often drawn to the obvious benefits that swimming lessons can offer their children, but many feel unsure at what age they should start. It is natural to feel some caution. Parents might question how children learn to swim when they are so young and what type of activities they will be involved in. It’s important to remember that before birth, infants were immersed in a fluid environment inside their mother’s womb. So, we aren’t really talking about when to “introduce” a child to the water, but rather, when to “reintroduce” them to the element that they called home for close to nine months.

For most parents, the family bath is probably the best and most convenient place to continue developing the affinity that many newborns have with water. This can begin once the baby is home and the umbilical cord has healed. 

The baby doesn’t even need to go under water at this early stage. Using a secure and gentle hold let them feel the buoyancy and the movement of the water over their skin. These early bath experiences should be free from stress and a lovely way to build rapport with the water. This is a special time for parent and baby and can allow additional bonding, even for dad. Using a flannel and eventually a cup, the baby can be introduced to the sensation of water on their face. Starting from just a few months of age, lays a great foundation for joining a regular swim program later on.

So, when should ‘formal’ lessons start? There are a few different guidelines and opinions. However, most of recommendation states that infants can start a formal program at 4 months of age. Some of the reasons for waiting until 4 months are to allow a medical history to develop, allow the infant’s immune system to strengthen and allow bonding to occur with the primary caretaker. After 4 months, lessons in a gentle and developmentally appropriate program can, be started right away.

Early swimming fosters a growing sense of self-esteem, confidence and independence. As a child’s ability to freely move through the water increases so does their sense of well-being . Early swim lessons set a positive foundation towards a lifetime of participation and enjoyment in a variety of water sports and aquatic venues on, in and under the water.

Researchers have documented that the stimulating effect of infant/toddler swimming lessons has the potential to increase intelligence, concentration, alertness, and perceptual abilities. Improvement in social, emotional and physical development has also been published. Of course, the manifestation of such inspired cognitive, personal and motor development takes time, patience and repetition. These babies eventually become extremely peaceful and relaxed in the water.

Water is a healer, its caressing and stimulating effect on children with special needs is most remarkable. Its buoyancy is like an invisible helping hand. Zero gravity allows for freedoms that do not exist on the dry land. Optimal learning conditions, combined with kindness and patience can even release a withdrawn or hurting child from their shell. Also, over the years, we have discovered that autistic infants, babies, toddlers and their parents find the nurturing swimming experience to be an engaging, calming and positive environment for developing and interacting. 

 

In our society of increasingly sedentary lifestyles, it is important for children to be involved in physical activities that establish a routine of fitness. Swimming offers one of the best activities for good health with minimal risk of sport related injury. In fact, swimming is a great activity that can last a lifetime. People of almost all ages and physical ability enjoy exercise, recreation and sport in the water. And, with infants there is the added benefit of enhancing and stimulating their general development. For parents involved in the water with their children, the close physical contact and quality time helps strengthen the natural bond like no other environment.

Physical activities like swimming have been shown to improve many areas of a child’s development including academic performance, language, maths, fine and gross motor skills, confidence and coordination. Getting a good start can make a big difference later on.

Ultimately, the learning experience should be an enjoyable one. If children have a great time at the pool they will continue learning in their lessons because they are so much fun. The main benefits are:

• Babies can exercise more muscles in the water, they are less restricted by gravity and their ability to sit or stand. This increased strength often manifests itself in early acquisition of physical skills like walking.

• Swimming improves babies cardiovascular fitness. Although babies are limited in how much they can improve their endurance, swimming does have a beneficial effect.

• Early mastery of water movements gives children a head start in learning basic swimming skills.

• Water helps improve co-ordination and balance by forcing babies to move bilaterally to maintain their equilibrium.

• Warm water combined with gentle exercise relaxes and stimulates babies appetites. They usually eat and sleep better on swimming days.

• Doctors often recommend swimming as the exercise of choice for asthmatics. For many asthmatics, exercise produces bronchial hyperactivity. Swimming stimulates less wheezing than other forms of exercise, possibly because the warm, moist air around pools is less irritating to the lungs.

• Babies flourish in the focused attention their parents lavish on them during swimming.

• As babies learn how to move in the water on there own their independence and self-confidence blossom.

• Swimming provides babies with lots of skin-to-skin contact with their parents that psychologists say may deepen the bond between parent and child.

• Learning to swim is not only fun, healthy activity but a safety measure as well.
  

So, parents, take it slow, have fun, enjoy the journey - the pay off is for life!

Teach your child resilience

As a parent, your first instinct is to protect your children from, well, everything. If I keep them safe, you reason, they’ll be fine. Unfortunately, this may not be the case. In protecting them from everything, you may be stopping them from learning one of life’s most important skills: resilience.

Majority will define resilience as the ability to bungee jump through the pitfalls of life. It sounds simple but the fact is that there’s been a lot of talk among experts of late that this generation of kids is lacking resilience. Why? Children today live in uncertain times along with the rest of us. The world’s more complex and adult worries are pressing their way down on to children. All the more reason to teach our children to rise about the rough stuff. And the good news about resilience is that it can be taught. 

• Where do I start? 

Parents play a substantial role in the development of resilience in their children. The following tips outline the most effective things you can do to raise resilient children.

• Responsibility 

Parents need to take more responsibility: it’s your responsibility as a parent to teach your child life skills! You can’t hand that over to someone else. If you want your child to be polite, it’s your job to teach them. One such skill is developing a sense of humour – can they laugh at themselves? Do they feel free to tell you when they’ve made a mistake? Mistakes are a sign of learning. Teach them that and how to laugh about it later. 

• Independent Thinking 

Sense of belonging is critical for resilience - as a general rule of thumb, it’s good for parents to say that they’re not going to do things for the child that the child can do for him or herself. If they come home from school and are having a problem with friends, ask them what they could do to change the relationship. Guide them – don’t try to solve it! 

• Listen with your heart 

Listening is one of the most important ways that we can build resilience. Rather than operating on ‘auto-parent’ we will help our children know they are important by giving them our undivided attention. Children feel validated and worthy when we listen to them. While children are upset, sensitive listening provides emotional first aid. Listening with your heart allows you to be empathic, take your child’s perspective, or see the world through his or her eyes. 

• See the world through your child’s eyes 

Imagine you had a difficult day. It wasn’t a catastrophic day, but some of your plans failed to materialise into reality. When you explained things to your spouse the response you received was, “Oh well, I guess you’ll just have to try harder again tomorrow.” While this response may be correct, it is unlikely to help you feel any better. Likewise, giving advice when children are upset just makes them feel frustrated, or foolish. When they tell you they feel sad, saying “Cheer up, you’ll be ok. There’s no reason to feel like that” will undermine their feelings, make them question their worth. Instead, reflect their emotions and avoid advice or lectures. “I can see it’s been a tough day for you today.” “Wow, that must have made you feel really disappointed.” When they know you understand them, ask them how they think you can help. Let them strategise the most effective way to overcome their challenges and support them in their decisions or guide them toward appropriate actions. 

• Accept your children for who they are 

Your child is likely to be resilient if she feels accepted for who she is. To really accept our children for who they are we must resist the temptation to judge and criticise. Continual fault-finding is a sure-fire way to create questions about self-worth in children. Additionally, children who are consistently criticised will start to wonder about their relevance. In contrast, children whose parents affirm their children’s efforts feel useful. When children are validated they feel worthy and acceptable as people. Letting children know specifically what you love about them or why you are proud of them can bolster resilience. “I am so proud to be your mum. The way you treated the children outside the school this afternoon made me feel like the luckiest mum in the world!” Remember, be specific. And avoid general praise such as “You’re such a good boy.” But when we let our children know we accept and love them, and offer them specifics, they feel like they can conquer anything! Our children don’t need to ‘fixed’ as much as they need to be loved. 

• Develop strengths 

One of the best things for promoting resilience is a belief that we are competent and able to complete difficult challenges. Parents who identify their children's strengths and help them develop those strengths will see their children become increasingly competent. Their children will experience success. They will be inspired and confident. They will gain a sense that they have something to offer the world. Your child may possess strengths in relationships, academics, music, sport, creativity, or any number of other areas. By developing those strengths, competence, and confidence will build resilience in your child.

• Teach that mistakes are an opportunity to learn

When you make a mistake, what do you do? Are you likely to throw your hands in the air and say it’s too hard? Do you give up and go back to what you know you can do? Or do you see the mistake as a chance to learn something new, and try again? When your children make a mistake, what do they do? And perhaps more importantly, what do you say to them? By teaching our children that continued effort, practice, and learning are the keys to success, setbacks are no longer seen as frightening, and children become more resilient – willing to take risks and try new things. They are also more likely to look forward to possibilities in the future and have a more optimistic and curious nature. This mindset is strongly linked to resilience. 

• Teach your children to make their own decisions

When our children struggle, we often want to tell them what to do to fix things. Constantly making decisions for our children can undermine their decision making skills and confidence. When you child is faced with a problem, listen with your heart. Then see the world through his eyes. When he feels understood, ask the question: “What do YOU think we should do?” Let your child know that you are willing to help and support. Then invite him or her to make a decision, and be supportive. If a decision is poor, offer gentle guidance or ask, “I wonder what might happen if we did that.” As your child thinks through the various possibilities, he will gain confidence in making his own decisions following challenging situations.

Children who are resilient do better than children who are not resilient. Their parents use the skills outlined above to foster resilience, and as a result resilient children:

• feel special and appreciated
• learn to set realistic goals
• have appropriate expectations of themselves
• and others believe they can solve problems and make good decisions
• see weaknesses as a chance to learn and do things better
• recognise, develop, and enjoy their strengths and talents
• believe they are competent are comfortable with others
• have good interpersonal skills
• and most of all, resilient children bounce back!