Preparing children for new baby in the family

You’re probably very wrapped up in how pregnancy is affecting you and your partner. You might be surprised by how much it also affects the rest of your family.  Toddlers and preschoolers have only a basic grasp of time, so they will have difficulty understanding when the new baby will arrive. 

Your other children

The arrival of a new baby can bring many changes to a family. Parents spend a lot of energy on preparations, and after the baby arrives, much of the family's attention involves meeting the newborn's basic needs. All this change can be hard for older siblings to handle. It's common for them to feel jealousy toward the newborn and to react to the upheaval by acting out.

But parents can prepare kids for an addition to the family. Discussing the pregnancy in terms that make sense to kids, making some arrangements, and including kids in the care of the newborn can make things easier for everyone. Preparing any other children for the new baby’s arrival is part of setting up a good relationship as your children grow together. The new baby’s brother or sister probably shares the excitement about your growing family, without knowing fully what it means. It's also normal for some children, however, to feel slightly threatened by the new baby. Your child might worry that his spotlight will be whipped away if he has seen a lot of preparation for the new arrival.

Tips for preparing other children

When and how much you tell your other children about the new baby depends on you and on your children’s ages. It can be a good idea to give at least a few months notice so your child has time to get used to the idea.

Here are some things you can do together with your older child to help him understand what a new baby will mean to him:

• Read books about baby brothers or sisters together.
• Go through his own baby pictures and talk about what he was doing in them.
• Let him help come up with names for the new baby.
• Let him listen to the baby’s heartbeat at a visit to the doctor or midwife.
• Visit friends who have new babies.
• Your older child may want details about where the baby came from, how it got in your tummy and how it will get out. If you don’t know where to begin, there are many books about pregnancy and childbirth, written for various age groups in terms your child will understand.
• You can pave the way for your children’s relationship by telling your older child that the new baby will have its own thoughts and feelings.
• If family and friends are bringing gifts for the new baby, suggest they also bring something small for your other child so he feels included.
• If you are planning a hospital birth, explain to your child where you are going and that you will be home again soon after the baby is born.