Childhood fears

 

'I'm scared of the dark'

Before you panic about your son’s irrational fear of the bath or your daughter’s anxiety about the monster in her cupboard, take a deep breath. Childhood fears like these are a completely normal part of growing up and something that the majority of children will grow out of, without so much as a backwards glance. In fact, learning to deal with fear is an important life lesson that we all need to master. So while you’re waiting (patiently) for the fear to pass, there are a number of things you can do to help your child deal with whatever it is that is testing their nerves.

The most common childhood fears

 

Most of time, childrens' fears are focussed on things that actually pose no threat to them at all, even though the fear itself is very real.

Toddlers and preschoolers who are still learning about their place in the world might have fears of being sucked into the plughole of the bath or have a fear of sitting on the toilet in case they fall in. Older children tend to be more afraid of abstract things as they learn about the power of their imagination: a fear of monsters is very common, as is a fear of the dark. Watching violence on television (including what they see on the nightly news), as well as overhearing adults talking about serious topics such as death, guns or divorce, can also be a source of distress for older children.

As one fear passes, another may take up residence, and then another. As frustrating as it might be for you, it’s important to acknowledge these fears and try to help your child come up with ways to overcome them. No matter what the age of your child, or what his fear may be, always try to keep the communication flowing. Talk to your child about what is making him scared. Never dismiss his feelings or get angry with him, as this will only compound his worries.

Tips to help children overcome their fears 

Fear of the dark and fear of monsters:

• Reassure your child that he is safe and that monsters do not exist.
• Offer your child a toy to sleep with.
• Relax your child before bedtime with a story or some classical music.
• Put a night light in your child’s room so that he can see that there is nothing ‘scary’ there.

Fear of sitting on the toilet:

• Distract your child by singing a song or reading a book to him while he is on the toilet.
• If your child is unsteady on the toilet, hold him up and help him to balance properly on the seat before you let go.
• If the sound of the toilet flushing scares your child, always wait until he is out of the bathroom before you press the button. You can teach him the necessity of flushing a little later on.
  

Fear of the bath:

• Reassure your child that there is nothing to be afraid of and that he will not be sucked down the drain.
• Get some new toys for bath time.
• Get into the bath with your child, which may make him feel more safe.
• Fill the bath with warm bubbly water and have your child stand next to the bath and play with the water from the outside. Do this for a few days and then try putting him in the bath again.
• Don’t pull the plug out when your child is in the bath or even when he is in the bathroom. Wait until your child has left the room before releasing the water.
  
  

Does my child need professional help?

 

If you feel that your child’s fears are affecting his daily life, his behaviour and the way he socialises and interacts with other people, it might be time to seek some professional help.

Some signs that your child may need some help include:

• Ongoing problems getting to sleep or staying asleep.
• General signs of anxiety or nervousness in day-to-day activities.
• Inability to eat, or decreased appetite.
• Persistent headaches, stomach aches or nausea.
• Over-reaction to problems.