Holiday Nanny

A short-term or holiday nanny will have a wealth of experience travelling to different locations around the world, while planning and scheduling activities for the children, and taking care of all their day-to-day needs. London Governess nannies undergo extensive background checks to ensure that only highest calibre candidates are provided. Holiday nannies can either travel with your family, or travel alone with your child for summer holidays or other occasions throughout the year. 

 

What advantages will a temporary nanny bring?

Our temporary nannies possess wide-ranging knowledge of conditions in many countries around the world, and can assist in the making of travel arrangements, as well as planning cultural, educational, and as fun-filled activities for your child. You can request a nanny with specific skills, such as the capacity to teach your children to swim, or the ability to speak a certain language, or who is knowledgeable about the location you are visiting. Whatever your requirement, we will do our absolute best to meet it.

Nannies are accomplished at multi-tasking, and can provide many benefits for your family while on vacation, including washing/ironing children’s clothing, meal preparation, help with homework, and driving children to events or activities.

Children and Separation

Separation or divorce does not normally end your involvement and responsibility as a parent. Children need the continuing affection and support of both parents. This will require cooperation with your former partner which may not always be easy.

The pain of a separation can be felt in many ways. You may feel lonely, desperate, depressed or grief-stricken; you may feel a failure, you may feel angry, jealous or guilty. Mixed up with all these emotions, you might also feel a sense of relief. All of these feelings are normal responses to a separation. You should not be alarmed by the fact that you experience them and you should not expect to cope with everything immediately. On the other hand, if you nurse feelings such as jealousy, anger or despair for too long, they may take over and prevent you from once again leading a fulfilling life. They may also get in the way of your children's adjustment. The way you handle the separation very much affects how your children cope with it. During this time of great difficulty you may find some of the following suggestions helpful for you and your children.

What happens for children when their parents separate?

Children can react very differently to separation or divorce. The way they react depends on a number of things, but two important factors are the age of the child and the degree of conflict and animosity between the parents. There is no doubt this is a stressful period for children, but most recover and end up leading normal healthy lives. Children from separated families can develop and flourish just as well as other children.

Separation is often a surprise for children and they generally experience many of the same feelings as adults. Children can also grieve for quite a long time. They may be unaware of the problems their parents were having and they may feel shocked and confused when the separation occurs. They are also likely to feel insecure and worry whether the remaining parent will leave them as well.

Some children may feel that they must have been to blame. Others may feel very angry with either or both of their parents and want to blame one of them. Sometimes children become unsure about whether they can still love the parent who left, and they can wonder what is happening to the absent parent. Although parents are often upset and confused themselves at this time, it is important to try to understand what your children are going through and to consider their feelings as well Remember, it can be far less harmful for a child to go through family breakdown than to go on living in an unhappy family where there is extreme tension and fighting in the home.

How do they behave?

Children do not always communicate with words. Their responses to their parents' separation may be expressed in behaviour. Some children become very withdrawn and avoid talking about the separation or the absent parent. Others (particularly if they are younger) may become very 'clingy' and not want to let the parent they are with out of their sight. These children feel they have 'lost' the departing parent and are determined not to lose their remaining parent. Others may 'regress' in their behaviour – they may act younger than they did before the separation, talk in baby talk or fall back in their toilet training. Some may have nightmares, others may become rebellious, difficult to handle or aggressive with other children and even their parents. These are some of the ways your children might show their distress. This is their signal that they need your special attention. With time, most of these behavioural problems disappear. However, if they persist over a long period it is best to seek some help.

What happens to children at different ages when parents separate?

 

Birth – 2 years

Children in this age group are highly dependent on their parents.

If one parent has taken on primary responsibility for care of a child it is almost certain that a strong physical and emotional dependence will develop between them. Lengthy separation from this parent can be a source of intense emotional distress. A child at this age has a very different concept of time than does an adult. For very young children a few hours will often seem to be a very long time and this needs to be considered when making parenting arrangements.

In this age group, children are likely to fret for the absent parent with whom they need frequent, short periods of contact to continue their relationship. A high level of conflict between the parents can make visits extremely stressful for a child of this age. For this very young group, it can be helpful if parents stick to a routine and, where possible, provide reminders of the other parent such as photos. It may also be useful if some special toy or blanket travels with them between households.

2.5 – 5 years

Children in this age group begin to be a little more independent of their parents. Separation can be a major crisis for these children and they can react with shock or depression. For instance, children in this group may show their distress by a change in sleeping habits, toilet habits or a deterioration in language skills.

In this age group also, children differ from adults in how they perceive time. They have less time distortion than do infants, but still experience a short period as being a much longer time than it is for an adult.

Pre-school children understand the world through very different thought processes than older children. They often fantasise about what they don't understand and are likely to make up things from bits of their own experience. They are also often confused by time and days. A calendar showing when they will be with either parent may be helpful. They are sensitive to criticism about either parent and may perceive this as criticism of themselves.

5 – 8 years

Children in this age group are beginning to be able to talk about their feelings.

They often have an intense wish to restore their parents' relationship and say and do things they hope will bring this about. They often want to stay at home to be near the parent with whom they spend most of their time.

Similarly, they may feel reluctant to leave the other parent at the end of a visit and may exhibit behavioural problems which are noticed by friends, teachers and parents. Children in this age group can have difficulty expressing their worries and tend to demonstrate them through their behaviour which can be difficult to understand.

It may be helpful if both of you, or adult friends or relations, invite children of this age to express their emotions about the separation, particularly of their desire to get their parents back together. You should discourage children from taking responsibility for making arrangements about contact.

8 – 12 years

Children in this age group are able to speak about their feelings. They experience a conflict of loyalty between each parent and, if the conflict between parents is high, they may try to cope by rejecting one parent or trying to keep both happy by saying negative things about one to the other. They are also beginning to experience the world outside their family. They have sporting and other interests and social commitments. When you make parenting arrangements you should take account of your children's interests and activities. This allows them the opportunity to join in the social and sporting activities which are an important part of their development. Where possible, it would be beneficial for children to continue their activities regardless of who is caring for them.

12 – 16 years

In some respects adolescents are increasingly independent of their parents, even when parents are not separated. They need to be given time and space to work out their own reactions to their parents' separation. If pressured by either parent, adolescents are likely to react with anger and rejection. They particularly need flexibility in arrangements to allow them to participate in normal adolescent social activities and school events.

What is the effect of continuing disagreement over children?

Children are very sensitive to conflict between their parents. While disagreement is normal in any family, a continuation of conflict makes life very difficult for children. In fact, research shows that this is one of the critical factors affecting children's adjustment after separation or divorce.

It is hard for children to enjoy both parents when they continue fighting after they have separated, particularly if they put the children in the middle of the conflict. Eventually, because of the stress this causes them, children may become anxious or distressed before and after staying with or visiting the other parent, or they may start having problems at school.

Children's development can be seriously hampered by exposure to hostility and violence. Overhearing or witnessing intense conflict is harmful and places them at risk of long-term emotional and behavioural problems.

How parents can make things difficult for children following separation

When children are growing up their parents, or in some cultures members of their extended family, are the most important and powerful people in their lives. It is very easy after separation for these adults to sometimes misuse their power because they feel so hurt and angry about what has happened.

Most parents sincerely love and care about their children. But in times of intense conflict in a relationship children can become weapons against the other parent. Unfortunately, these parents do not realise the harm this is doing to their children.

Sometimes parents may be quite unaware of the more subtle things they do which affect the way their children feel about each of them. These things include putting the children in a position where they feel they have to protect their parents from hurt or choose between the people they love most.

Sometimes, instead of providing support for their children, parents expect their children to look after them and keep them happy rather than the other way round.

Separation and divorce can be extremely traumatic for children – they can see the dramatic changes in their world as a loss of care and stability.

For children up to five years old, family breakdown can be difficult to understand and the child is especially vulnerable at this age.

Older children can experience a time of confusion and uncertainty even though they are more able to understand what is happening to the family.

Ways you can help your children

• When you begin to accept the separation then your children will be able to do the same – it is important that you get on with your life and not dwell in the past or hang on to any anger or bitterness.
• Ensure your children know you both still love them and that this will always be the case.
• Don't criticise the other parent in front of the children.
• Be positive about the other parent when talking to your children.
• Give your children the clear message that it is good for them to have an ongoing relationship with both of you.
• Let your children know that even though separating is upsetting, you are handling it and expect things to improve.
• Talk to the other parent about your children and their interests.
• Talk to your children's teachers.
• Give your children the time to think about and express their own feelings about the other parent, even if those feelings are not the same as yours.
• Avoid conflict in front of your children.
• Keep your children out of your arguments. Avoid asking them to give messages to the other parent.
• Turn to other adults for emotional support rather than your children.
• Help your children to discuss their feelings about the separation.
• Reassure children that they are not to blame – sometimes when parents are fighting some of the anger is directed toward the children who may then mistakenly believe that it was because they were bad or troublesome that led to their parent's separation.
  
  
  

Making decisions

Sometimes parents feel that it is best for children to make up their own minds about where they want to live. Young children are not usually ready for this responsibility as they are not generally mature enough to make this important decision. Having to make such a decision places a heavy burden on them and having to choose between their parents can lead them to feel guilty about the parent they have not chosen. Usually the best decisions about where and how the children live are those made together by the parents. However, parents should consider the feelings of their children and be willing to listen to them. Children should not be required to express a view when to do so would mean reprisal from a disappointed parent. Parents normally know their children's needs and are usually in a better position than anyone else to make decisions about their children's future. If parents are unable to make these decisions themselves because of conflict, family and child mediators and counsellors can help them to negotiate with each other. If an agreement is still not possible at the talks, it then becomes necessary for the Family Court judges to make a decision.

Suggestions about making arrangements for your children

• In the early stages of separation children don't need to know details about why their parents have separated, but they do need to know where they are going to live, what school they are going to attend and when they are going to be with each parent. Some parents 'forget' to mention the arrangements to their children because they feel anxious about them. Even if you have some doubts about the arrangements, give them a fair go – this is the best way to start on reasonable terms with your former partner. Changes can always be made later if things aren't working.
• You will probably need to adjust the arrangements from time to time according to each child's age, health and interests. There may be occasions when you need to change an arranged time. You should always discuss with the other parent any new arrangements.
• One of the most difficult times is when a parent arrives to pick up or to drop off a child. Children are aware of the tension between their parents; they have already suffered the shock of one parent's departure and may feel very insecure about further conflict or tension. As well as advance notice, parents need to give children the feeling that they are in control and know what is happening.
• Keep to your arrangements and inform the other parent if you are unable to do so. Children can easily feel rejected by your unexplained failure to arrive at the expected time.
• Contact visits should be pleasant, not only for the children but for both parents. They should help children maintain a positive relationship with a parent who is no longer living with them. A breakdown of this relationship can add to the grief experienced by children. Don't attempt to discuss contentious issues at handover time or while the children are present.
• It is possible that one or both parents will find other partners at some point. This can sometimes be a difficult time for everybody. Parents should feel free to introduce the children to their new partners, but not to be too anxious for the children to approve of or like this person. Take a very gradual approach. Because adjustment to new people can be stressful for the children, the relationship should be well established before children are deeply involved with a new partner
• Children need time to adjust – they should not be forced to adjust to changes too quickly. On the other hand, they should not be encouraged to dictate the terms on which they will see or spend time with their other parent.
• After time with the other parent, especially in the early stages, children may show distress of some kind, be irritable or withdrawn or generally behave differently when they return. The fact that they are upset does not mean they have had a bad time. Children often retain the hope that their parents will get back together and spending time with the other parent, while enjoyable in itself, can remind them that their wishes for the family to get back together are not being fulfilled. They may feel sad about having to leave one parent and go to the other even if they love both.
• Children may sometimes show distress in one form or other upon returning from seeing or staying with the other parent. The distress is usually real and a calm, sympathetic response will go along way towards helping children work out their own way of coping with their parents' separation.
• It is generally better not to move children between households too close to their bed time. Nor is it wise to start an activity or outing immediately they arrive or return. Allow children time to settle in. m Visits should never be used as a way of parents checking on each other. Children need to be able to go between both households without being questioned about what is happening in the other. Children may want to talk about their other parent but they should never be 'pumped' for information. They should be able to feel that the love they get from each parent is unconditional and not dependent on giving right or wrong answers to one parent about the other. Children do not always fully understand why their parents needed to separate and quizzing them for information can make them feel stressed and insecure in their relationships with both parents.
• Parents do not need to provide the children with a duplicate environment with regard to discipline, rules of behaviour, etc. On the other hand, just as when both parents live together, it's important to reach broad agreement on matters of discipline so that one parent does not undermine the other's efforts. It is not uncommon even in unseparated families for there to be disagreements between parents about what is good or safe for children or other child rearing issues. Compromises on these issues frequently have to be reached. Compromise can cause anxiety for one or both parents. Give things time to settle before trying to renegotiate further changes.
• The attitudes and actions of separated parents who remain in contact through their children have a lot to do with how their children will cope with the separation and the extent to which their needs can be met. Children should not be used as the go-between.
  

An important point to remember is that most children love both parents and although they may have many feelings about the separation, in most cases they miss their parents and want to keep in contact with them.

Guidelines for parents

 

• Give yourself, your children and your former partner time to readjust.
• Try to strike a reasonable balance between time for yourself and time for your children.
• Don't feel you must overcompensate for the loss your children have suffered by giving them expensive holidays, outings, presents, etc. The best thing you can give your children at this stage is your time and yourself. Over-compensating with presents and outings is usually the result of you feeling guilty and will not help your children.
• Although it may be difficult from a practical point of view, it is better not to upset your children's routine too abruptly.
• Children need stability and having to cope with too many changes at once can be very disturbing for them. Sometimes an abrupt change of environment like moving house or school cannot be avoided and, in these circumstances, it is very important that you allow extra time for yourself and the children to be together.
• Relationship breakdown is always hard on children (as well as parents). But this should not stop you from telling them what is happening and why, in a way they can easily understand. However, limit the amount of detail that you tell your children. This will vary with the circumstances and with each child's age and understanding. Be careful you don't tell them things in order to convince them of your point of view. The point of discussing things is to reassure them and keep them informed about what is happening so that they don't worry unnecessarily.
• Remember the better parts of the relationship with your former partner and try to share them with your children.
• If your children are visibly distressed you can help them by assuring them that it's okay to cry.
• Your children may also express a lot of anger. Anger is often an expression of hurt and one way of helping is to encourage them to talk about their feelings of hurt, loss and insecurity.
• Regularly tell your children that they are not to blame for the breakup and that they are not being rejected or abandoned. It is important to understand that children, especially younger ones, often mistakenly feel that something that they have done has caused the breakup. Small children live in a world which is part real and part fantasy, and they can easily believe that some secret wish of theirs may have caused one of their parents to leave.
• Most people going through a separation or divorce find they need a 'lifeline' during the difficult times. If so, make contact with a friend whose opinion you trust.
• Continuing bitterness and anger between separated parents is likely to damage children much more than the separation itself. To prevent this happening, it may again be helpful to talk about your feelings with someone you trust (preferably outside the family) or with a professional from one of the services mentioned.
• Of course, you may feel angry with your former partner and these feelings may last some time. But remember, it is important for the development of children that they can respect both parents. Discourage your children from taking sides. A child should not be placed in the position of deciding which parent is the 'goodie' and which the 'baddie'.
• Separation or divorce often places financial pressure on both parents. It is important that you discourage your children from blaming the other parent for your financial circumstances.
• After your separation, it is important that you continue to be consistent in your discipline of the children. Children need to know clearly what is expected of them – they feel more secure when reasonable limits are set. Don't confuse allowing the children to express their feelings with allowing them to do whatever they like.
  
  

All children have a need and a right to...

 

• Love and be loved by both parents.
• Be able to enjoy the love of both parents without having excessive demands placed on them by either.
• Feel proud of both parents and to be able to respect them.
• See their parents behave towards each other with at least mutual courtesy, consideration and respect.
• Be listened to by both of their parents so that their needs are met.
  
  

Remember

 

1. Contact with both parents is considered to be the right of the child. Continuing contact with a parent not living with the child is an important part of your child's emotional and psychological development. If anything, this contact is even more important when your child is very young. Each of you has a contribution to make to your child which the other parent cannot make up for.
2. Realise that in spite of your separation you still share common goals for your children. Both of you hope that your children will grow to be mature, well-balanced, secure, happy and successful people. These are goals which you share even though you are separated – the problems which occur on the way to achieving these goals will be your common problems. Your children will benefit greatly if, when problems arise, you are able to cooperate with each other or, at the very least, not use every problem to score points against each other.
3. Children should be able to feel that both parents are positive about their time with the other parent. The enjoyment and benefits children can receive from seeing their parents will be enhanced if they feel the arrangements have the approval and support of both of you.
4. Most children desperately want to stay friends with both parents. For many children who want nothing more than to live happily with both parents, visits may remind them that this is not happening. Emotional scenes are therefore quite common at the beginning or end of visits, but they usually happen less often once a regular routine has been established. Try to cooperate with each other to make parenting arrangements as positive and enjoyable as possible and to minimise any stress to your children.
5. Keeping in regular contact with both parents can help your children deal with the fears, fantasies, and emotional upset caused by the separation. If your children have a good relationship with both of you, they will want to involve both of you in their lives for many years to come. And there may be times when they wish to involve you both in the same event or function, such as parents' days at school, special birthdays, and watching them at sport. It will be easier for your children to maintain a close relationship with you both if you show courtesy and consideration toward each other.
   

Introducing children to fishing

We all know the pressure facing parents these days when bringing up children. For those who fish, you will know what I mean when I say it gives an undescribable release from day to day issues and and gives you a fantastic appreciation of how good life is and the beauty of the world we live in. I believe that by introducing your children to fishing allows you to teach your children a good appreciation of life without saying anything. It pretty much will speak for itself.

However, I feel that there are a number of key issues, you as a parent, need to be aware of to make it an experience for a child to go fishing and not a total bore.

1. Always take them to a place where you know they will catch a fish. Jettys, or bait grounds if you fish from a boat are the best. It is important that they experience very quickly the enjoyment of feeling a fish on that line. It does not have to be a big fish or even edible. 

2. When the children fish in the early stages, you don't. Allow yourself be be there for them 100% as there guide and mentor. You are always ready to activate enthusiasm and guard them from letting loose with an out of control bait jig. The earlier they catch a fish, the quicker they will learn important rod and reel handling traits. Let them figure out their preferred handling of their rod and reel. Making them do it any other way will frustrate them. Give them a good insight into some of the dangers a tackle box can have with respect to sharp hooks/lures and knives. Try not to overload them with to much technical stuff such as knots and rigs. At the early stage, they just want to catch a fish and believing you know it all, will trust that what you give them will work.

3. Involve them in every aspect of fishing right down to caring for the equipment and even involving them in choosing the equipment they will use. Select the gear for them that makes handling easy. There is little need for the child to master any casting. That will be something they will learn much later. 

Fishing safely

Whenever you go fishing, your personal safety should be your main consideration. The following tips should help make sure that each of your fishing trips is a safe one.

• Always fish with a partner, preferably an adult.
• Always let someone at home know where you are going fishing and approximately what time you will be back.
• Learn to swim. Fishing involves being on or near the water so it makes very good sense to be able to swim.
• Take care with sharp knives and hooks.
• Avoid steep and unstable banks.
• Keep an eye out for snakes when you are near inland waterways.
• Be careful and sensible at all times. No fish is worth putting your well being in danger.
  
  

Reducing damage to fish

If the fish to be released must be handled out of water, reduce damage to the fish by:

• using a net without knotted mesh
• retrieving fish as quickly as possible
• using wet hands or a wet cloth, and a minimum of handling to ensure they have a good chance of survival
• avoiding hot dry surfaces, and wetting any surface on which you place the fish
• prior to release, hold the fish gently and move it forward to force water through its gills until it has revived and is able to swim normally.
  

Camping with children

In today's busy world, not many families have time to go out and enjoy nature. Though many people grew up with time outdoors and moments in nature, this is not the norm today. Televisions, computers, and cell phones dominate children's lives far more than tree houses or playing in the mud. Yet there are many benefits that children can gain from being exposed to nature.

Whether parents plan a one day trip or a weekend excursion, taking children camping is a great way to get them out into nature. It can also be a great vacation for the parents as well. Nature's ability to decrease stress levels is very important to all families that are caught up in the business of modern schedules. Getting away from the modern distractions can give a family a chance to look at their situation with clear eyes. Both parents and children can benefit from time spent outdoors in nature, and a camping trip can be an enjoyable experience for everyone. The more time a child is outdoors the happier and healthier they can be. Young children and adolescents both benefit from spending time in nature frequently. Being in nature also gives children an opportunity to learn more about independence and trusting themselves. Climbing trees, exploring plants, and investigating nature around them gives children a boost in self-confidence.

Benefits of Camping as a Family

Camping as a family is a great way to for parents and children to connect. Many families are disconnected and spend more time going to different directions. A family camping trip gives them a chance to bond by spending time together without outside distractions. Hiking, swimming, or just sitting around the campfire are great ways for families to have fun together. Instead of having fun separately, a camping trip allows parents and children to really be together.

Families with children all benefit from exposure to nature. The calming, stress reducing effects that nature has on people is something that many families are in need of. The emotional and mental problems that children can face if their time spent in nature is limited is also a compelling reason for families to head out into the woods. Camping as a family brings the best of nature together with a wonderful way to bond and connect. Perhaps more families should brings their children to nature by camping.

Camping is not only mere outdoor activity; rather, it is one of the best ways to allow children from learning a lot of things, especially, when it comes to handling responsibilities. It may sound heavy for children but camping helps in their personal development.

Puberty

What is puberty?

 

Puberty is the time during which your child moves through a series of significant and natural, healthy changes. These physical, psychological and emotional changes signal your child is moving from childhood to adolescence. Puberty starts when changes in your child’s brain cause sex hormones to start being released in the ovaries (girls) and testes (boys).

The timing of puberty and its stages is different for every young person, but includes:

• a period of physical growth and development for boys and for girls
• changes to sexual organs – these changes are different for boys and for girls
• social and emotional changes.

As a guide, puberty usually begins around 10 -11 years for girls and around 11-13 years for boys. But it’s normal for the start of puberty to range from 8-13 years in girls and 9-14 years in boys. Every child is different. Genetics, nutrition and social factors all play a role in the onset of puberty. There’s no way of knowing exactly when your child will start puberty. Early changes in your child's brain and hormone levels can’t be seen from the outside, so it’s easy to think that puberty hasn’t started. Puberty can be completed in about 18 months, or can take up to five years. This variation is also completely normal.

Many people think that adolescence is always a difficult time, and that all teenagers experience moods and challenging behaviour. In fact, some studies show that only about 10 -15% of teenagers go through extreme emotional turmoil, become rebellious or have major conflicts with their parents during puberty.

Puberty for girls: what to expect

 

Around 10-11 years

• Breasts will start developing. This is the first visible sign that puberty is starting. It’s normal for the left and right breasts to grow at different speeds. It’s also common for the breasts to be a bit tender as they develop.
• Your child will have a growth spurt. She will get taller. Some parts of her body – such as head, face and hands – might grow faster than her limbs and trunk. This might leave her looking out of proportion for a while. The average total height increase for girls is 5-20 cm. Girls usually stop growing around 17 years.
• Your child’s body shape will change. For example, her hips will widen.
• Pubic hair will start to grow. It will get darker and thicker over time.
  

Around 12-14 years (about two years after breast development starts)

• Hair will start growing under your child’s arms.
• Some girls might start to get a clear or whitish discharge from their vagina before their period.
• Periods (menstruation) will start. This is when the lining of the uterus (womb), including blood, is shed every month. Your child might also get pains before and during her period, such as headaches or stomach cramps. These are normal. Periods might be irregular at first.
  

 

Puberty for boys: what to expect

 

Around 11-13 years

• The testes (testicles) and penis will start growing. It’s normal for one testis to grow faster than the other.
• Pubic hair will start growing. It will get darker and thicker over time.
  

Around 12-14 years
Your child will have a growth spurt and get taller. Some parts of his body – such as head, face and hands – might grow faster than his limbs and trunk. This might leave him looking out of proportion for a while. The average total height increase for boys is 10-30 cm. Boys usually stop growing around 18-20 years.

Around 13-15 years
Hair will start growing on other parts of your child’s body – under his arms, on his face and on the rest of his body. His leg and arm hair will thicken. Some young men will grow more body hair into their early 20s.

Around 13-14 years

• Your child will start producing testosterone, which stimulates the testes to produce sperm.
• He will start getting erections and ejaculating (releasing sperm). During this period, erections often happen for no reason at all. Ejaculation during sleep is often called a ‘wet dream’.
  

Around 14-15 years
The larynx (‘Adam’s apple’ or voice box) will become more obvious. His larynx will get larger and his voice will ‘break’, eventually becoming deeper. Some boys’ voices move from high to low and back again, even in one sentence. This will stop in time.

Coping with the body changes: some tips

 

For girls

• Have some therapy on hand for period pain. A hot water bottle, held to your daughter’s tummy, can be helpful. For some girls, physical activity can help too. Sometimes your daughter might need medication – talk to your doctor about this.
• Suggest your daughter uses a panty liner if she experiences and is bothered by a clear or whitish discharge from her vagina. If she reports any itching, pain or a bad or strong odour, check with a doctor.
• An emergency kit of sanitary pads or tampons and clean knickers – perhaps discreetly packed in a pencil case – will be helpful for your daughter to carry with her when she’s away from home, especially while her period is irregular.
• Be prepared for the ‘bra issue’. Some girls will ask to wear a bra long before they really need one. They want to be like friends who are wearing bras. A sports bra can be a good compromise.
  

For boys

• If your son’s testes are developing unevenly, you can reassure him that men’s testes are usually not the same size. One often hangs lower than the other.
• If your son is getting unexpected erections, you can reassure him that people usually don’t notice. The erection will disappear quickly.
• Boys have breasts too. If your son develops breast tenderness or even growth, you can let him know this is normal. About 80% of boys find that their breasts are sore and start to grow, either on one or both sides. It’s understandable if your son is embarrassed or worried by this. But you can tell him that it usually becomes less noticeable around the middle-teen years, when boys’ chests become broader.
  

 

Discussing puberty with your child

 

It’s not always easy to talk to children about their bodies. But it’s especially important to have a series of open and relaxed conversations before pubertal development starts. This will help children feel OK when their bodies start to change.

Using the right words when you’re talking about body parts is important too. This helps to make it clear that talking about your body is just a normal part of life – it doesn’t need special or secret words.

You can also use a three-step process to kick-start a discussion about puberty:

1. Find out what your child knows. For example, you could ask, ‘Do they talk about puberty and physical body changes in health class at school? What do they say?’
2. Give your child the facts and correct any misinformation. For example, ‘Everyone goes through these changes, but not always at the same pace’.

Sometimes, you can start a conversation by picking up on a scene in a movie or TV show, a book that you’ve both read, or a comment on the radio as you’re driving in the car. It’s a good idea to have the big conversations when your child is ready to listen. During puberty, children can swing between having lots of energy and being very tired. This is normal, but it does mean that your child might not always be open to ‘important’ talks. Your child might not want to share everything with you, so try not to force communication when your child doesn’t want to talk. Even when relationships with parents are untroubled, young people appreciate being able to discuss concerns confidentially. Your child might be interested in talking to a GP.

Helping your child during puberty

 

Reassurance You can reinforce that the feelings and challenges your child is experiencing are normal for children at this age. Reassure your child that puberty is an important and exciting life stage – it means adulthood is getting closer. Try to avoid talking about ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ times for things to occur.

Role-modelling In puberty children are adjusting to their changing bodies, so your child might feel self-conscious or embarrassed at times. As they develop, children will also begin to compare their bodies with those of friends and peers. It can be helpful to reinforce that people’s bodies come in all shapes and sizes, and to avoid comparing your child’s body to anyone else’s. Act as a role model by showing your child that you’re comfortable with your own body size. You can also model healthy eating and physical activity.

Privacy Some teenagers might have feelings of shame or guilt about masturbation or simply want more ‘alone time’. Masturbation is a normal, healthy form of self-discovery. Ensure your child has some private space, and always knock before entering your child’s room.

Extra support Boys and girls who experience physical changes very early might be less prepared emotionally or get confused or worried by the changes. Early or late physical changes might cause your child to be embarrassed.

Use every opportunity to reinforce that people come in all shapes and sizes, and that your child’s body is perfect just the way it is.

Asthma action plan

There are many things to think about and plan for when your young child has asthma. It is important to learn as much as you can about the condition. Your doctor and pharmacist are there to help you.

Asthma is a long-term inflammatory disease of the airways that causes episodes of reversible airway constriction and sensitivity that make breathing difficult and can cause shortness of breath, coughing, wheezing and tightness in the chest^.

Causes

No-one really knows what causes asthma, but we do know there are links to both genetics (your family history) and the environment. We also know some of the factors that contribute to someone developing asthma early in life.

Factors contributing to development of asthma

• Genetic factors are involved
• Having a parent with asthma, eczema or hay fever increases a child’s risk of developing asthma
• Obesity increases the risk of developing asthma
• More boys have asthma than girls. This may be due to young boys having smaller lungs than girls
• Smoking during pregnancy can damage a baby’s lungs and lead to respiratory illness
• Children of mums who smoke are four times more likely to wheeze
• Infants who are breast-fed are less likely to wheeze than those who have cow or soy milk or formula
• Children who are exposed to tobacco smoke have more chest infections
• Children who have respiratory infections when they are infants may be up to 40% more likely to develop asthma
• Indoor and outdoor air pollution may make asthma symptoms worse although it is not clear whether pollution causes asthma
• Modern diets may have contributed to the higher levels of asthma and allergy. This could be due to factors such as an increase in processed foods and polyunsaturated fatty acid from margarine and vegetable oil, and a reduction in antioxidants from fresh fruit and vegetables and lower levels of polyunsaturated fatty acid from oily fish.
   

What you need to know about your child’s asthma

To manage your child’s asthma effectively, you should know:

• The pattern of asthma – some children have only mild, occasional episodes or only show symptoms after exercising, with no symptoms between episodes. Some experience daily symptoms, while others have symptoms continuously, which limit their physical activity. Each pattern of asthma requires a different treatment approach.
• The risk of a severe attack – an important point to remember is that children can have a severe and even life-threatening attack, even though they have mild or occasional asthma.
• Your child’s triggers – every child’s asthma is different. Your child will probably have several asthma triggers, and they can be very different from another child. Triggers cause inflammation or swelling in the airways and make asthma worse. The most common trigger is a viral infection, usually a simple cold. Find out what triggers make your child’s asthma worse so you can avoid them.
• Your child’s asthma symptoms – some of the common symptoms and signs include coughing (particularly at night), wheezing, shortness of breath, a feeling of tightness in the chest, or difficulty breathing (a ‘sore tummy’). Your child may have all of these symptoms or just a few.
• Your child’s asthma medications – learn what the different types of medications do and make sure your child takes them properly.
• What to do if your child has an asthma attack – know the Asthma First Aid.
  
  

Asthma Action Plan

An Asthma Action Plan is a clear, concise written summary of your child’s asthma management, which needs to be reviewed regularly. Everyone with asthma should have a personalised asthma action plan written by their doctor.

An Asthma Action Plan outlines:

• How to care for day-to-day asthma (it lists your child’s regular medications and how often they should take them)
• Key things to recognise when your child’s asthma is getting worse or an ‘attack’ is developing, and the steps you should take to manage it
• Symptoms that are serious enough to need urgent medical help (with emergency information on what to do if your child has an asthma ‘attack’).
  

The Asthma Action Plan is an important tool for anyone caring for your child. A copy of the action plan should be sent to school, kindergarten, childcare centre, grandparents, other relatives or to anyone caring for your child.

What the children’s service needs to know

To assist childcare and preschool workers in the care of your child with asthma, you should:

• Tell them that your child has asthma (even if it is mild or occasional).
• Give them a copy of your child’s Asthma Action Plan.
• Provide emergency numbers and the name of your child’s doctor.
• Give them written authorisation to administer asthma medication to your child.
• Show them how to use the medication devices like pumps, spacers and puffers.
• Make sure your child has an up-to-date supply of medication at the centre.
• Notify them if your child’s asthma changes.
• Tell the staff about any concerns you may have.
  

London Governess

 

At London Governess, we understand the importance of finding the perfect governess to educate your children. That’s why we insist only on the highest quality candidates. We will guide and advise you throughout the process, from interviewing and selection, up until the moment your governess arrives, and beyond.

What makes London Governess different?

We are the only UK agency that specialises in providing international clients with British-educated and qualified governesses. All of our candidates have a minimum of five years childcare and teaching experience. They use a variety of teaching methods and techniques, and can teach your child any subject. We only recruit candidates who come highly recommended, and are recognised for their ability to support social, cultural and emotional development along with providing a first-class education.

What will a governess do for my children?

Your governess will typically work 8 - 10 hours a day, five days per week. She will be experienced in teaching children aged between three and sixteen, and will modify her teaching methods to ensure that your child thrives. It isn’t just the curriculum that your child will learn, either. Your governess will teach your child key British attributes such as courage, independence and self-reliance, and help them to develop their own personality. All of our governesses can tutor English, and some are also fluent in second and third languages. We can provide candidates capable of teaching musical instruments such as the piano, and additional skills such as swimming and tennis.

Our consultants will listen carefully before selecting the best candidates for you. You will then be provided with a variety of Curriculum Vitae to read and consider, and will have an opportunity to speak with and assess each candidate individually, to ensure that they suit your family. From our extensive database, you will find a candidate with each and every skill you require.

Is employing a governess from the UK complicated?

Once you have settled on a governess we will arrange a working schedule, and are experienced with the practicalities of placing our governesses both locally within the UK and internationally. Our professional staff can be placed on a short-term or long-term basis.

At London Governess, we will help you take a slice of Britain abroad with you, and provide your child not only with a first-class British education, but also a strong British role model.

What are the advantages of using London Governess?

London Governess is a unique agency in that it only offers native English speaking governesses. In placing these British governesses abroad we apply strict standards to ensure that our clients’ children receive a proper UK education.

A British governess’ duties include:

• Educating children in their homes
• Helping children to develop their social skills
• Teaching proper etiquette and manners.
  

How much will a London Governess cost?

A governess is often placed with clients abroad. She frequently lives with the family and works five days a week, for up to ten hours a day, often alongside a nanny. The requirements and responsibilities are substantial, but a suitably qualified British governess can expect to earn a salary starting from between £700 to £1500 per week. Remuneration increases the greater the experience and education of the individual.

Sibling love

Family is for life, so here’s how to make sure your children’s bond with one another is happy, loving and strong.

Brothers and sisters are usually one another’s first playmates, helping each other discover the world and develop social skills. Aside from Mummy and Daddy they’re each other’s greatest supports and they have a natural love for each other. It all sounds lovely, but of course any great relationship takes work!

The truth is that sibling rivalry is real and sibling battles are natural and normal. It might seem, however, that you spend more of your time refereeing battles between your kids than actually helping foster a positive, loving relationship between them! But focusing on the latter, studies show, is actually the best measure to prevent sibling rivalry.

Feeling the love

One of our primary roles as parents is to be role models for our children. They not only mimic us, but learn from us. This means if we display anger, competitiveness or dominance with our partner they will pick up this behaviour.

Similarly, the more love, care and affection for each other and for our children that we show, the more our toddlers learn to act this way with each other.

It’s not only wonderful to see siblings copying behaviour such as giving cuddles and showing respect, but if you need to pull your kids up on bad behaviour, it’s also easier to argue that they need to treat each other the same way that you treat them!

Coaching the team

Toddlers are naturally independent and like testing boundaries, which means they’ll compete or battle sometimes. But what doesn’t come naturally to them is knowing how to resolve conflict in a loving or respectful way.

For the older sibling, this can start from the arrival of the new baby – for example, she can give her new sibling a little present at the hospital and start practising giving gentle cuddles. As the younger sibling grows older, it’s helpful to provide games and activities where the two of them can be shown the great benefits of playing together and cooperating. Try to be creative and set up activities where they can help or rely on each other to realise a good outcome. Let them make little cakes together for a tasty treat, for example, or build a model together. Encourage them to give each other a hug for helping out.

Games and activities that involve the whole family are also critical in developing loving sibling relationships. Young kids love playing with their parents, so having all the family cooperating to have fun or to complete an activity is a fantastic way to build love and respect. Keep it simple at first, such as all stacking blocks into a tower or all putting parts of a puzzle together.

Keeping the peace

Despite your best efforts, still expect battles and fights to occur! Immediately punishing or separating children can lead to suppressed feelings and to harbouring anger, which can then erode a loving sibling relationship over time.

Developmentally, toddlers are rarely ready to resolve conflict (and hey, lots of adults aren’t good at this either!). At this tender age you do need to be involved in helping siblings work out relationship issues. However, don’t totally take over or force control. Rather, take time to explain, show and even role-play better ways to work out conflict and have your littlies practise the new skills. Finally, when they are happier, encourage your children to show each other affection and have a hug and kiss now that things are better. Experiencing this after a battle is an important part in fostering that loving relationship.

Throughout all this, the golden rule of sibling rivalry is never to take sides. Talk calmly but firmly, keep your own cool and deal with siblings equally. Don’t expect the older child to be mature and not to fight. Usually both siblings have behaved unacceptably and so they should be equally managed, such as both facing time away from the TV or toys. This equality actually promotes sibling love, whereas punishing one child more so promotes anger and resentment.

After separating and, if necessary, giving both children time out, always try to return to the problem and get them to work it out better this time. Hopefully this will end with more positive, loving engagement.

By following these positive practices you can help ensure that a loving sibling relationship is developed in the early years, hopefully to carry all the way through to adulthood.

Childhood fears

 

'I'm scared of the dark'

Before you panic about your son’s irrational fear of the bath or your daughter’s anxiety about the monster in her cupboard, take a deep breath. Childhood fears like these are a completely normal part of growing up and something that the majority of children will grow out of, without so much as a backwards glance. In fact, learning to deal with fear is an important life lesson that we all need to master. So while you’re waiting (patiently) for the fear to pass, there are a number of things you can do to help your child deal with whatever it is that is testing their nerves.

The most common childhood fears

 

Most of time, childrens' fears are focussed on things that actually pose no threat to them at all, even though the fear itself is very real.

Toddlers and preschoolers who are still learning about their place in the world might have fears of being sucked into the plughole of the bath or have a fear of sitting on the toilet in case they fall in. Older children tend to be more afraid of abstract things as they learn about the power of their imagination: a fear of monsters is very common, as is a fear of the dark. Watching violence on television (including what they see on the nightly news), as well as overhearing adults talking about serious topics such as death, guns or divorce, can also be a source of distress for older children.

As one fear passes, another may take up residence, and then another. As frustrating as it might be for you, it’s important to acknowledge these fears and try to help your child come up with ways to overcome them. No matter what the age of your child, or what his fear may be, always try to keep the communication flowing. Talk to your child about what is making him scared. Never dismiss his feelings or get angry with him, as this will only compound his worries.

Tips to help children overcome their fears 

Fear of the dark and fear of monsters:

• Reassure your child that he is safe and that monsters do not exist.
• Offer your child a toy to sleep with.
• Relax your child before bedtime with a story or some classical music.
• Put a night light in your child’s room so that he can see that there is nothing ‘scary’ there.

Fear of sitting on the toilet:

• Distract your child by singing a song or reading a book to him while he is on the toilet.
• If your child is unsteady on the toilet, hold him up and help him to balance properly on the seat before you let go.
• If the sound of the toilet flushing scares your child, always wait until he is out of the bathroom before you press the button. You can teach him the necessity of flushing a little later on.
  

Fear of the bath:

• Reassure your child that there is nothing to be afraid of and that he will not be sucked down the drain.
• Get some new toys for bath time.
• Get into the bath with your child, which may make him feel more safe.
• Fill the bath with warm bubbly water and have your child stand next to the bath and play with the water from the outside. Do this for a few days and then try putting him in the bath again.
• Don’t pull the plug out when your child is in the bath or even when he is in the bathroom. Wait until your child has left the room before releasing the water.
  
  

Does my child need professional help?

 

If you feel that your child’s fears are affecting his daily life, his behaviour and the way he socialises and interacts with other people, it might be time to seek some professional help.

Some signs that your child may need some help include:

• Ongoing problems getting to sleep or staying asleep.
• General signs of anxiety or nervousness in day-to-day activities.
• Inability to eat, or decreased appetite.
• Persistent headaches, stomach aches or nausea.
• Over-reaction to problems.
  

Preparing children for new baby in the family

You’re probably very wrapped up in how pregnancy is affecting you and your partner. You might be surprised by how much it also affects the rest of your family.  Toddlers and preschoolers have only a basic grasp of time, so they will have difficulty understanding when the new baby will arrive. 

Your other children

The arrival of a new baby can bring many changes to a family. Parents spend a lot of energy on preparations, and after the baby arrives, much of the family's attention involves meeting the newborn's basic needs. All this change can be hard for older siblings to handle. It's common for them to feel jealousy toward the newborn and to react to the upheaval by acting out.

But parents can prepare kids for an addition to the family. Discussing the pregnancy in terms that make sense to kids, making some arrangements, and including kids in the care of the newborn can make things easier for everyone. Preparing any other children for the new baby’s arrival is part of setting up a good relationship as your children grow together. The new baby’s brother or sister probably shares the excitement about your growing family, without knowing fully what it means. It's also normal for some children, however, to feel slightly threatened by the new baby. Your child might worry that his spotlight will be whipped away if he has seen a lot of preparation for the new arrival.

Tips for preparing other children

When and how much you tell your other children about the new baby depends on you and on your children’s ages. It can be a good idea to give at least a few months notice so your child has time to get used to the idea.

Here are some things you can do together with your older child to help him understand what a new baby will mean to him:

• Read books about baby brothers or sisters together.
• Go through his own baby pictures and talk about what he was doing in them.
• Let him help come up with names for the new baby.
• Let him listen to the baby’s heartbeat at a visit to the doctor or midwife.
• Visit friends who have new babies.
• Your older child may want details about where the baby came from, how it got in your tummy and how it will get out. If you don’t know where to begin, there are many books about pregnancy and childbirth, written for various age groups in terms your child will understand.
• You can pave the way for your children’s relationship by telling your older child that the new baby will have its own thoughts and feelings.
• If family and friends are bringing gifts for the new baby, suggest they also bring something small for your other child so he feels included.
• If you are planning a hospital birth, explain to your child where you are going and that you will be home again soon after the baby is born.