Hair pulling

It is common for children and adolescents to play with their hair. However, frequent or obsessive hair pulling can lead to serious problems. The medical term for severe hair pulling is trichotillomania.

People with trichotillomania are not able stop pulling their hair. As many as 1 person in 100 has the following signs and symptoms of trichotillomania:

• recurrent hair pulling resulting in noticeable hair loss, unrelated to baldness or alopecia
• pleasure, excitement, or relief when pulling out hair
• embarrassment or shame resulting from hair loss
• problems at home or school.
  

The cause of trichotillomania is not known. For some children, trichotillomania becomes damaging and very difficult to control. Hair pulling can occur anytime but may become worse in stressful situations. Most children with trichotillomania feel shame, embarrassment or guilt about their hair loss. Younger children may not notice or be bothered by hair loss. Older children and adolescents may be teased, have low self esteem, anxiety or depression.

Parents can become frustrated, as it is very difficult to understand that children with trichotillomania can’t simply stop pulling their hair. Neither parents nor children are to blame for the hair pulling behaviour. Punishing children for pulling hair is unlikely to decrease the behavior and can lead to problems with self-esteem. In order to avoid punishment or embarrassment, children try to hide or deny they are pulling their hair.

Frequently used treatments for trichotillomania include:

• cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) is a specialized form of behaviour therapy. It involves helping a child recognize thoughts, feelings and behaviours associated with hair pulling. The goal of this therapy is to increase the awareness of hair pulling and replace it with alternative behaviours,
• medication therapy is also used to decrease the anxiety, depression and obsessive compulsive symptoms that accompany trichotillomania.
  

Family therapies and support groups are widely available. Children with trichotillomania should be evaluated by a trained and qualified mental health professional. Treatment is most effective when it is individualised to the needs of the child and family.

Child refuses to do homework?

Do you get into a fight over homework with your child every night? So many parents say that this is one of their top struggles with their children. If you're dealing with this now, you probably dread saying the words, "Time to do your homework," because you know what's coming next... Even though you reason, lecture, nag and yell, nothing seems to change — and each night turns into a battle with no victors.

 
They don't call it "homework" for nothing
Here’s something I learned along the way: homework is work, and there’s no getting around that fact. It’s a chore for both the child and parent. It's important to understand that schoolwork is often the most difficult part of your child’s busy schedule. Helping your children manage it despite all the other activities they would rather be doing can be challenging at best. Remember that it’s your child’s job to go to school and learn (including getting homework completed) and your job to provide for your children, run the house and offer love and guidance.
I know from experience how easy it is to get caught up in power struggles over homework. These struggles begin for several reasons, but the most common one is because your child would rather be relaxing, playing or doing almost anything else. Know that if you deal with their frustration by losing it and getting mad out of your own frustration, it will be a losing battle. Some children are even able to manipulate parents this way, because they know the battle over homework may result in your giving up on expectations to get it done.
Here's the truth: letting your child off the hook for their work will ultimately create problems in their lives. Instead, focus on the fact that as a parent, you need to teach your child how to follow through on expectations and be accountable. All the more reason to take control and make homework just another part of your child’s daily responsibilities.
Here’s my advice for reducing homework hassles in your home:


Stay calm
Try to avoid losing your cool and yelling and screaming, arguing about the right answer for the math problem, ignoring the homework altogether or being inconsistent with what you expect, being overly critical, or giving up and just doing the work for your child. The first step is to try to stay as calm as you can. If you get frustrated and start screaming at your child, this sets a negative tone and is likely not going to help them get the work done. 

Set clear expectation around homework time and responsibilities
Let your children know that you expect them to get the work done on time and to the best of their abilities; the most important thing is that they try their best. Set aside the same time each afternoon or evening for them to do their work. Understand that children are all different in how they feel about and approach homework. Some may find English easy, but get really frustrated with math. Another may have no patience when it comes to writing. It’s important to know your child: their strengths and struggles, and how they learn. Some children need small breaks throughout a session, while others may need the task to be broken down into smaller pieces and then varied. While there are some children and teens who are self-directed and able to complete homework without assistance, most require some type of guidance and/or monitoring, depending on their age. This makes it especially challenging for parents, because it means you need to perform different functions with each child you have, depending on their needs. 


Advices:

1. Have a relationship with your child’s teacher.
   Try your best to build a good relationship with your child's teacher. Start off at the beginning of the school year and stay in touch as the year progresses. Your relationship with your child's teachers will pay off during the good times as well as the challenging times. 
   
   
2. Play the parental role most useful to your child.
   Some children need a tutor; others need more hands-on guidance to complete tasks. Try to match your help with what is most needed. Remember also that your child is doing the homework as a school assignment. The teacher will ultimately be the judge of how good or bad, correct or incorrect the work is. You're not responsible for the work itself, your responsibility is to guide your child. You can always make suggestions, but ultimately it’s your child’s responsibility to do his or her assignments, and the teacher’s job to grade them. 
   
   
3. Keep activities similar with all your kids.
   If you have several children, have them all do similar activities during homework time. Even if one child has less homework or finishes more quickly, they need to be respectful of their siblings by doing quiet, non-disruptive activities. 
   
   
4. Set up a structured time and place for homework.
   Choose a time and place and stick to a routine as much as possible. Consider adding in break times for children with shorter attention spans. They might work on their spelling words for 15 minutes, and then take a 5 minute break, for example. Keep the house generally quiet for everyone during homework time—turn off the TV. Make sure your children have a “space” for doing their work. For some children this will mean a large work space like a kitchen table to spread out their papers and books, and for others it may mean a small quiet area in their room. 
   
   
5. Start early.
   Start early with your young children setting up “homework” time, even if it’s just some quiet reading time each night. This helps get them used to the expectation of doing some “homework” each night and will pay off as the actual work gets harder and more time-consuming.

6. Choose the best person for the job
   If you are part of a couple, consider that one of you might be better at “teaching” and then let that person take on the homework monitoring responsibilities. It will likely help the routine become more consistent and effective for your child. If you are a single parent, you might have a friend or family member who would consider helping your child from time to time. 
   
   
7. Offer empathy and support.
   If your child is really struggling, give them some support and guidance and show some empathy. Kids are expected to do some difficult work, and your child may sincerely be struggling with it. If you have a child who is really having a hard time, it's important to have communication with the teacher to see if this is typical for all kids, or if it's unique to your child. If your child also has these problems in class, know that there are different approaches to helping them learn that can be useful. The teacher may recommend some testing to see if there are learning problems. While this can be hard to hear as a parent - as if something is wrong with your child – it’s important to find out how your child learns best and what your teacher and you can do to support their learning style. 
   
   
8. Use positive reinforcement and incentives.
   It’s always important to reinforce positive behaviour, and that may mean offering some kind of incentive for completing homework or getting good grades. Most children get personal satisfaction out of getting good grades and completing their work, and that’s what we’re aiming for. But, it’s also helpful to offer some incentives to encourage them. Rather than money, I would recommend offering rewarding activities for your child’s academic successes. This could include going shopping for some “goodie” the child has really wanted or spending special time with a parent. These things can become more meaningful than money for most children and they get to experience their parent in a loving, supportive and reinforcing role.
   

Let the responsibility to complete it — and the consequences for failing to do so — lie with them. If your child gives up and refuses to finish an assignment, don't take it as a personal affront.

Most children will never really “enjoy” homework, and for some it will always be a struggle. Our children all have different strengths and abilities, and while some may never be excellent students, they might be great workers, talented artists, or thoughtful leaders. While it would be easier if all children were self-motivated students who came home, sat down and dug into their homework, this just isn’t going to be the case with most children. 

Our role is to guide our children, support them through the challenging tasks, and teach them about personal responsibility.

Angry child

Handling children’s anger can be draining and distressing for adults. In fact, one of the major problems in dealing with anger in children is the angry feelings that are often stirred up in us.

It has been said that we as parents and teachers need to remind ourselves that we were not always taught how to deal with anger as a fact of life during our own childhood. We were led to believe that to be angry was to be bad, and we were often made to feel guilty for expressing anger.

It will be easier to deal with children’s anger if we get rid of this notion. Our goal is not to repress or destroy angry feelings in children—or in ourselves—but rather to accept the feelings and to help channel and direct them to constructive ends.

Parents and teachers must allow children to feel all their feelings. Adult skills can then be directed toward showing children acceptable ways of expressing their feelings. Strong feelings cannot be denied, and angry outbursts should not always be viewed as a sign of serious problems; they should be recognized and treated with respect.

To respond effectively to overly aggressive behaviour in children we need to have some ideas about what may have triggered an outburst. Anger may be a way to avoid painful feelings; it may be associated with failure, low self-esteem, and feelings of isolation; or it may be related to anxiety about situations over which the child has no control.

Angry defiance may also be associated with feelings of dependency, and anger may be associated with sadness and depression. In childhood, anger and sadness are very close to one another and it is important to remember that much of what an adult experiences as sadness is expressed by a child as anger.

Before we look at specific ways to manage aggressive and angry outbursts, several points should be highlighted:

• We should distinguish between anger and aggression. Anger is a temporary emotional state caused by frustration; aggression is often an attempt to hurt a person or to destroy property.
  
• Anger and aggression do not have to be dirty words. In other words, in looking at aggressive behaviour in children, we must be careful to distinguish between behaviour that indicates emotional problems and behaviour that is normal.
  
• In dealing with angry children, our actions should be motivated by the need to protect and to teach, not by a desire to punish. Parents and teachers should show a child that they accept his or her feelings, while suggesting other ways to express the feelings. An adult might say, for example, "Let me tell you what some children would do in a situation like this..." It is not enough to tell children what behaviours we find unacceptable. We must teach them acceptable ways of coping. Also, ways must be found to communicate what we expect of them. Contrary to popular opinion, punishment is not the most effective way to communicate to children what we expect of them.
  
  

How to respond?

Catch the child being good

Tell the child what behaviours please you. Respond to positive efforts and reinforce good behaviour. An observing and sensitive parent will find countless opportunities during the day to make such comments as "I like the way you come in for dinner without being reminded"; "You were really patient while I was on the phone"; "I’m glad you shared your snack with your sister"; "I like the way you’re able to think of others"; and "Thank you for telling the truth about what really happened."

Similarly, teachers can positively reinforce good behaviour with statement like "I know it was difficult for you to wait your turn, and I’m pleased that you could do it"; "Thanks for sitting in your seat quietly"; "You worked hard on that project, and I admire your effort."

Deliberately ignore inappropriate behaviour that can be tolerated

This doesn’t mean that you should ignore the child, just the behaviour. The "ignoring" has to be planned and consistent. Even though this behaviour may be tolerated, the child must recognize that it is inappropriate.

Provide physical outlets and other alternatives

It is important for children to have opportunities for physical exercise and movement, both at home and at school.

Manipulate the surroundings

Aggressive behaviour can be encouraged by placing children in tough, tempting situations. We should try to plan the surroundings so that certain things are less apt to happen. Stop a "problem" activity and substitute, temporarily, a more desirable one. Sometimes rules and regulations, as well as physical space, may be too confining.

Use closeness and touching

Move physically closer to the child to curb his or her angry impulse. Young children are often calmed by having an adult nearby.

Express interest in the child’s activities

Children naturally try to involve adults in what they are doing, and the adult is often annoyed at being bothered. Very young children (and children who are emotionally deprived) seem to need much more adult involvement in their interests. A child about to use a toy or tool in a destructive way is sometimes easily stopped by an adult who expresses interest in having it shown to him. An outburst from an older child struggling with a difficult reading selection can be prevented by a caring adult who moves near the child to say, "Show me which words are giving you trouble?"

Be ready to show affection

Sometimes all that is needed for any angry child to regain control is a sudden hug or other impulsive show of affection. Children with serious emotional problems, however, may have trouble accepting affection.

Ease tension through humour

Kidding the child out of a temper tantrum or outburst offers the child an opportunity to "save face." However, it is important to distinguish between face-saving humour and sarcasm.

Appeal directly to the child

Tell him or her how you feel and ask for consideration. For example, a parent or a teacher may gain a child’s cooperation by saying, "I know that noise you’re making doesn’t usually bother me, but today I’ve got a headache, so could you find something else you’d enjoy doing?"

Explain situations

Help the child understand the cause of a stressful situation. We often fail to realise how easily young children can begin to react properly once they understand the cause of their frustration.

Encourage children to see their strengths as well as their weaknesses

Help them to see that they can reach their goals.

Use promises and rewards

Promises of future pleasure can be used both to start and to stop behaviour. This approach should not be compared with bribery. We must know what the child likes—what brings him pleasure—and we must deliver on our promises.

Say "NO!"

Limits should be clearly explained and enforced. Children should be free to function within those limits.

Tell the child that you accept his or her angry feelings, but offer other suggestions for expressing them. Teach children to put their angry feelings into words, rather than fists.

Build a positive self-image

Encourage children to see themselves as valued and valuable people.

Use punishment cautiously

There is a fine line between punishment that is hostile toward a child and punishment that is educational.

Model appropriate behaviour

Parents and teachers should be aware of the powerful influence of their actions on a child’s behaviour.

Teach children to express themselves verbally

Talking helps a child have control and thus reduces acting out behaviour. Encourage the child to say, for example, "I don’t like your taking my pencil. I don’t feel like sharing just now."

The Role of Discipline

Good discipline includes creating an atmosphere of quiet firmness, clarity, and conscientiousness, while using reasoning. Bad discipline involves punishment which is unduly harsh and inappropriate, and it is often associated with verbal ridicule and attacks on the child’s integrity.

One of the most important goals we strive for as parents is to help children develop respect for themselves and others." While arriving at this goal takes years of patient practice, it is a vital process in which parents, teachers, and all caring adults can play a crucial and exciting role. In order to accomplish this, we must see children as worthy human beings and be sincere in dealing with them.

Positive children

During their growth and development, children go through many stages of self-doubt. They are always comparing themselves to others, and they often see themselves as coming up short. As parents, we can offset this natural tendency in our children by giving them the skills to think more positively. It is important that you really listen to your children, and help them overcome their negative thoughts and beliefs. 

This is, of course, easier to do if you practice positive thinking yourself:

 

• Show your children how to look for the good in everything. Even hard situations probably have some sort of positive message or lesson hidden inside somewhere.
  
  
• Help your children develop their gifts and strengths – everyone has them. Perhaps your child is artistic or has a gift for music. Maybe your child enjoys animals or loves to construct.  As you discover the intrinsic and amazing traits about your children, support them as they develop them. This might include setting goals, taking classes or celebrating efforts.
  
  
• Teach your children that it’s hard work and effort that counts more than the final outcome or the result. If a person puts as much effort as possible into a goal or project, this is the success – it doesn’t matter what the precise result looks like. Hand in hand with this principle, make sure your children know that failure is permissible. No one ever learns or grows without making mistakes.
  
  
• Express feelings when they come up – both positive and negative. Show your children how to talk about negative feelings such as anger, fear and sadness. Give them words to describe these feelings and then make time to listen when children need to talk. Guide children through the process of expressing feelings respectfully, working toward resolution and then moving forward positively. 
  
  
• Provide positive feedback and praise when you see actions that you desire. Praise the action, not the person, for the most effective results, You might say, "I can see how hard you worked on this art project!".
  
  Our world is so full of negative feedback. We need to arm our children with a positive attitude, so that they can stay focused in the right direction. Parents always hope that their children will have a positive outlook on life, but most often how this happens is left to chance. When you take this matter into your hands, and look for ways to guide your children’s thoughts in a positive direction, you will see very exciting results.
  
  

Selfish and spolit child

Can't take no; wants things ASAP; feels entitled to receive special privileges; always wants to be entertained; is unappreciative, never satisfied, selfish, greedy.

 

Your child learns to consider other people's needs and feelings and recognize that who you are is more important than what you own.
 
Question: "I focused so much attention on my son that he sees the world as one big catering service just for him. What can I do so he's less selfish and thinks of someone besides himself? Help!"
Answer: The way to bring selfish kids "back to the civilized world" is to stop indulging their every whim and to show them how to consider other people's needs and feelings. It will take patience, energy, and fortitude, but research shows it's actually what makes children happier and more fulfilled.

Why Change?

Do you have a little princess or prince in your house who feels entitled to luxury and privilege? Does she think only of herself? Does he expect the world to revolve around him? If so, you're not alone. One thing is for sure: selfish kids are no joy to have around. They always want things their way, put their needs and concerns ahead of other people's, and rarely stop to consider others' feelings. And that's because they want you to believe that their feelings are actually more important than the feelings and needs of others.  The truth is, children don't arrive in this world selfish. Research shows that our children are born with the gift to care and be concerned about others. But unless we nurture those virtues, they will lie dormant. Selfish, spoiled children are found to be less happy and satisfied about life, to have more troubles with relationships, and to have difficulty handling adversity. They are also less popular and more likely to be depressed and anxious. And they argue more with their parents. Without intervention, spoiled children are more likely to become less happy adults. 

Pay Attention to This!

There are two legitimate reasons children may appear to be selfish or spoiled but are not.
Developmental lags. Young children are self-centered because they are egocentric. They will have trouble waiting and do want their needs met ASAP. As they mature, they will be able to think of others. Also, any child diagnosed with attention or impulsivity deficits will have difficulty "waiting." Solution: tailor your expectations to your child's capabilities.
Emotional lags. Children who suffer trauma, who are depressed or overly stressed, or who have low self-esteem will appear selfish. Their emotional pain hinders them from reaching out to others. Children with Asperger's or attachment disorders, will also have trouble reading emotional cues and may seem inconsiderate. Solution: please seek professional help.

Signs and Symptoms

The presence of any one of these kinds of behaviours can mean your child is slipping into the "spoiled" category.

1. "No!" The child can't take no for an answer. He expects to get his way and usually does.
2. "Give me!" The child is more into getting than receiving. He is usually unappreciative and a bit greedy.
3. "Me!" The child thinks more of himself than of others. He expects (and receives) special favours and privileges.
4. "Now!" The child has the ability to wait, but won't. He wants his way ASAP, and it's usually easier to give in than to delay his request. He doesn't stop to consider that others may be inconvenienced as well. 
   
   

The Solution

Step 1. Early Intervention

• Identify the reason Your first step to changing your child's selfish and spoiled ways is to figure out why your kid has this attitude. Once you figure out where his selfish ways are coming from, you'll be in a better place to turn them around. Here are a few of the most common reasons. Check those that may apply to your child or situation:
  • You are spoiling your child out of guilt. (You feel that you are not patient, that you need to make amends for your past mistakes, or that you don't spend enough time with him.)
  • You want your child to have a "better" childhood than your own.
  • You are living in a "competitive" community where what you have matters.
  • You've always treated him as if the world revolved around him.
  • You or another adult member of your family is modeling selfishness.
  • Your kid is jealous of your partner or a sibling, or is craving your love and approval.
  • Your child has never been taught the value of selflessness.
  • Your child has poor emotional intelligence and has difficulty identifying or understanding other people's emotions.
  • Your child has had a past (or present) trauma, illness, preexisting condition, learning disability, or something else that caused pain in his life, and you feel you need to make it up to him with "stuff."
  • Your child is angry, anxious, or depressed or having some other problem that makes it difficult for him to think of others.
  • You don't treat discipline and setting limits as a high priority in your parenting, and your child has learned that he is going to get his way if he keeps at you long enough.
  • You (or other family members) have the money, so your thinking is "Why not raise our child with privilege?"
    
  Once you figure out what is causing your child's selfish, spoiled ways, create one simple solution you can implement to prevent it from escalating further.
  
• Use the right parenting formula. Research shows that the best formula for raising less selfish, more considerate kids has two equal parts: unconditional love and firm limits. Is your parenting evenly balanced between the two parts? Or are you providing too much nurturance and not enough structure? If your present parenting formula isn't balanced, then realign your response so you are more likely to get the right results.
• Model selflessness. The simplest and most powerful way children learn kindness, consideration, and thoughtfulness is by seeing it in action. Make sure you are the model you want your child to copy. And when you do those simple, selfless acts—such as watching your friend's child, phoning a friend who is down, picking up trash, giving directions, asking someone how she is, baking cookies for your family—make sure you convey to your child how much pleasure you get from giving to others. By seeing consideration in your daily words and deeds and hearing you emphasize how being kind and caring makes you feel good, your child will be much more likely to follow your example. The old saying about children learning what they live has a lot of truth to it.
• Nurture empathy. Children who are empathic can understand where other people are coming from because they can put themselves in others' shoes and feel how they feel. And because they can "feel with" someone else, they are more unselfish. So nurture your child's empathy to help him see beyond himself and into the views of others. You might help him imagine how the other person feels about a special situation. "Imagine you're a new student and you're walking into a brand-new school and don't know anyone. How would you feel?" Ask such questions often, because they help kids understand the feelings and needs of other people.
• Boost character. Selfish children see what they have as more important than who they are. Emphasize in your child the things you can't see or buy: perseverance, compassion, honesty, respect, responsibility. And do stress why you value them. Your child will be more likely to adopt those values.
• Don't let your child always be the centre of attention. Receiving constant praise and rewards can make your child think life revolves around him. Praise only when your child earns and deserves the praise. Also teach your child to deal with boredom and enjoy his own company so that he doesn't feel the need to be entertained at all times. 
  
  

Step 2. Rapid Response

Your second step to deprogramming a spoiled child is to change your current response so that your parenting is aligned with proven practices that raise less selfish and more considerate kids.

• Decide to change your ways. Turning around your child's spoiled habits isn't going to be easy or pretty. Expect big-time resistance from your child, and so be it.
  
• Take back control and set limits. How many times do you have to say no to your child before he understands you really mean it? Selfish, spoiled children have learned to get what they desire. And the more often they do, the less likely they will think about others. Decide what issues and things you will not—under any circumstances—give in to (such as spending extra money on a particular video game, staying out late on a weeknight). If you think through your priorities, you'll be more likely not to back down or let your child wear you down. And if you need a little reinforcement, do know that hundreds of child development studies conclude that parents who set clear behaviour expectations and stick to them turn out less selfish children.
  

• Censor selfishness. If you really are serious about changing your child's selfish ways, you must stand firm and be consistent. Start by clearly laying down your new expectations: "In this house you are always to be considerate of others." Then clearly state your disapproval each and every time your child acts selfishly. It won't be easy, especially if your child is accustomed to having his every whim catered to. But a major step in squelching your child's selfishness is simply not to tolerate it.

• Maintain your rights. You should be allowed to talk on the phone without being interrupted. You should be able to sleep in your bed without another warm body curled up beside you. You should be able to say no to your child without feeling guilty. You are the parent. Don't feel as if you always have to put your child up on that pedestal and shove your own needs aside. If you do, you're liable to end up with a spoiled child who feels entitled to get his way.

• Call out selfish deeds. Whenever your child does anything even remotely inconsiderate, always express your objections to the self-centred behaviour. Allowing the selfish action sends a message that you tolerate it. So call it for what it is: "That was selfish" (or inconsiderate or unkind). Then help your child consider the needs of the other person. "How would you feel if that happened to you?" "How do you think your friend felt?" "What can you do next time so you consider your friend's feelings?" That simple reasoning process helps kid become less selfish and more sensitized to the feelings of others.

• Get other caregivers on board. You'll be more successful at changing your child's spoiled ways if you get at least one other person who cares about your child to support your deprogramming plan. You may have to have a serious talk with other caregivers in your child's life (such as grandparents) who are guilty of overindulging or always making this child the centre of attention. 
  
  

Step 3. Develop Habits for Change

The third step to deprogramming selfish, spoiled kids is to stretch them away from assuming the world revolves around them, so that they start thinking about others. Here are simple, proven ways:

• Focus on others. Selfish children put themselves first. So gently start helping your child step to the side and think of others. Also help your child recognize the strengths of others.
• Teach your child to wait. Selfish children want their way NOW. They rarely stop to consider whether you or anyone else is being inconvenienced. You need to stretch your child's waiting quotient so that he doesn't put his own needs in front of others'. If you're on the phone, put up your finger and signal that you'll talk to him in a certain number of minutes. If you're at the mall, tell him you won't stop what you're doing to go to the bank for more cash. He'll have to make the purchase when he remembers to bring his allowance. If he wants to get on the computer, don't let him push his sister's time aside to suit his own convenience. It will take patience and fortitude on your part, but a less selfish attitude will be the outcome.

• Reinforce selfless acts. One of the fastest ways to increase selflessness is by "catching" your child doing considerate and unselfish acts. So look for selfless behaviours in your child and acknowledge them. Describe the deed so that he clearly understands the virtue and point out the impact it had on the recipient. Doing so will also help your child be more likely to repeat the same act another time.
• Require giving back. Require your child to do for others on a regular basis, every day: do his chores; take the dog for a walk; call Grandma every Sunday to see how she's doing. Just plain expect that he think of someone besides himself and contribute to your family. If you don't expect him to give to others, he will feel entitled.
• Help children realize the impact of giving. Posing the right questions to a child after he performs any selfless, considerate act helps a child recognize the impact his behaviour can have on others as well as on himself. So use giving actions to stretch your child from "me" to "we" by posing such questions as these:
  "What did the person do when you were considerate?"
  "How do you think she felt?"
  "How would you feel if you were the person?"
  "How did you feel when you were being kind to her?"
  "How did you feel when you saw her reaction to your gesture?"
  Even better, decide to give back as a family. Find a cause you support and then bring your kids along to experience the miracle of giving. It could be taking extra toys to a children's ward in a hospital, helping at an animal shelter, reading to the elderly. There is no better way to stretch your child than having him experience the joy of giving.
  
  

What To Expect By Stages And Ages

Preschooler Children this age will  need reminders to wait their turn, share their toys, and think about others. Your goal is to stretch them to consider others' needs and feelings.
School Age Competitiveness gears up, which can make children more one sided in their thinking and inconsiderate of their class - or teammates' feelings. Use competitions and team activities as opportunities to help your child be less selfish. Watch for a materialistic need always to be "one up" on another friend.
Tween The need to "fit in" peaks during these ages. Watch out for put-downs, vicious gossip, and verbal bullying (especially among girls). Call your child on any callous actions so that she considers the other girls' feelings.

Play the "Step into My Shoes" Game

Research proves that a great way to stretch your child from always thinking "me-me-me" is to have him actually stand in another person's shoes. You can start with your own shoes or that of an older or younger sibling. Your child literally acts out the situation from the other perspective. "How do I feel? What would I say? What would I want to have happen instead of what did?" The trick is to help your child switch roles so that he starts thinking about others instead of always himself.

Celebrate family

Family celebrations, such as holidays, anniversaries and birthday parties bring joyful family occasions for all — often the only time we get to see some family members. And when families get together, they talk. The stories may focus on today — or reminiscences of the past.

Family gatherings with relatives and loved ones may be more important than you may think. Do you sometimes consider that your family was the first school that you entered when you arrived on this earth? More importantly, family gatherings provides our children an opportunity to meet relatives, learn about the family ancestry, medical history, family values and relationships.  Developing positive relationships with family members actually plays an important role on just how successful and happy you might become later on in life. In addition, did you know that people with extended family connections tend to be more literate and often times reach out to get more education and better jobs? Family gatherings can often times be a lot of fun.

Most of the time, the older ones seem to benefit more as they become the centre of attraction particularly when one starts to tell his own stories. But what about the young ones trying to catch the attention of their older relatives? For the older ones, why no take a backseat, for a change, and let the little ones have their share of spotlight? They also deserve attention. 

For the children too

 Children need to be familiar with their family tree. Mentioning the names of their relatives is not enough and meeting them only once is not also doing them good. It will not create the kind of relationship one has to have with other relatives. Letting the children spend good times with other relatives constantly, helping them get along with others as well, produce good rapport with almost all members of family tree.

Children look up to their older relatives

 As children listen to the stories being narrated to them by older relatives, they get to understand each person comprising the family tree. What they hear gives them insights as to how they will live their lives later on and how they will handle challenging situations that may come their way. Older relatives may serve as their idols or models, who they can turn to when problems come up.

Time for older ones to welcome new generation

 During family gathering, children are too shy to approach other relatives particularly when it is their first time to meet them. Some hide at the back of their parents, others prefer to sit at the corners of the living room. They should not be ignored. Talking to them casually like asking about their interests, make them feel truly recognized and appreciated. But it should not end there. Children love to be in the center stage and they should be encouraged to be active during family gatherings. They may be asked to sing, dance or perform some acts that showcase their talents and skills. This may help children decide what they really want to do later in life.

Teach only good things to children

Since older relatives cannot be with the children all the time, they should be reminded of the kind words older relatives utter during conversations with them. If older relatives want the children to have good and bright future, they must bless the children always and treat them with tender, loving care. Since they are at a tender age, they go with the flow and mimic every action of older people. To ensure that only good acts are picked-up by the children, older relatives must behave properly in front of the children. As the children embrace this kind of actions and the good words that are instilled in their minds, they will posses an aura of success, confidence and power necessary to help them full fill their dreams.

The following are ideas to help celebrate family and encourage and save the precious flow of memories from your family. 

Record the Family

• Tape recorders, cameras, or video cameras are useful for recording a family. Practice using them. You should know how to use the equipment before you go.
  
• Don't be afraid to let your older children use the video equipment. They have a unique view of the world that will come through in their recordings.
  
• It is not necessary to sit interview-style with individuals in order to obtain information and memories. A video camera can be set on a tripod in a corner of the room and a tape recorder can be placed on a TV tray behind the dinner table, ready to catch the flow of conversation.
  
• You can't be everywhere at once, so purchase several disposal cameras that you can ask people to use and leave for you to develop.
  
• Don't be afraid to let the children take some of the pictures.
  

Family Pictures

• It's never too late to start an album of extended family pictures.
  
• Ask family members to have copies made (or allow you to do it) of some of their  pictures from past holiday or reunion events. These pictures can be displayed at future gatherings.
  
• Albums are available that will allow pages to be inserted in chosen sequence for easy inclusion of older photos.
  
• Have the children draw pictures of something important to them, like their houses, pets, friends. Include these in the album. The drawings might not seem like much right now, but in a few years everyone will enjoy looking back at them.
  
• Bring your genealogical photos of houses, of people.
  
• Don't show too many photos (or unrelated photos) at once.
  
• Everyone will become interested in viewing the photos and sharing their own memories. Allow the memories to flow freely.
  
• When the holidays are over, transcribe some of the stories for inclusion in the family album.
  

Family Tree

• Create large pedigree charts of direct lineage and family group sheets.
  
• Many computer programs have wall-size charts that are great conversation starters.
  
• One genealogist I know brings his laptop and printer so he can enter the data on new babies and print out their lineage back to the earliest known ancestor.
  
• Bring articles, stories, or books that you or others have written on the family. If possible, make several copies to pass around.
  

Stay in Touch 

• If you have access to a scanner and a word processor, send a letter to family members after the event. Include bits of interesting stories, family news, and some of the pictures, both old and new. The letter will be a wonderful addition to the album for future seasons.
  
• Do you have family who cannot make it to the family celebration this year, but they have Internet access? If you subscribe to an Internet service, set up a private chat room.
  

 
Children are a blessing. They readily obey someone who makes them special. They will be role models later on and will be the ones initiating family gatherings soon. Why not let them do a little of their share now so that their future family reunions will be fruitful, fun, loving and truly enjoyable ones too. All the older ones have to do is teach them the right way, to entertain all the guests present in the affair.

Celebrate family!

Children and skiing

As a parent, you want the best for your child. Below are few positive things that learning to ski can do for you child:

Exercise

First, exercise is important to a child’s health, and skiing offers something special. Each time your child practices, he or she will have healthy outdoor exercise. Children can become better coordinated and develop strong reflexes.

Competition

Second, ski racing can teach your child the positive attributes of competition. He or she will learn the benefits of good sportsmanship, as well as pride in accomplishments. Feeling proud and learning to get along with others are two important life lessons for every child.

Confidence

Third, children who participate in ski racing develop confidence in themselves. When self-esteem increases, it will proceed beyond this new sport. It is a healthy confidence that can affect every area of his or her life. From doing well in school to interacting with others, the confidence he or she learns will be beneficial in many ways.

Social Experience

Fourth, a ski racing team designed for children is a social experience. It is not simply about a sport, or winning. When your child enjoys this new activity with others who have the same interest, he or she will make new friends. They will find that their shared interest is the ideal foundation for new friendships.

Tip: Expert Instruction

Whether a parent skis, or is unfamiliar with the sport, parents are often not the best instructors. Whether you lack basic knowledge about skiing, or tend to become impatient, an experienced instructor is a better approach. Your child can learn the skills needed to succeed from an instructor who relates well to children. Your child will be coached with patience, and will learn at his or her own pace.

Cold weather

Children are even more vulnerable than adults to cold-weather and winter-related injuries.

Keep children cold weather proof

 

1. Dress children in layers.

If one layer gets wet, the child can remove it to keep moisture away from the skin. 
 

2. Choose warm fabrics.

Use fleece and wool garments instead of cotton clothes, which will not provide insulation if they get wet.

3. Cover extremities.

Warm boots and mittens are essential because extremities are most prone to frostbite. Make sure children cover their ears and nose and wear a hat to prevent significant heat loss from the head.

4. Limit time outside.

Children should come inside often to limit their exposure to the cold, and they should change out of wet clothing immediately.

Special tips when traveling

 

Children can also be at risk when traveling in the car during winter. Whether a long distance or just across town, be prepared for cold weather travel.
Just in case your car breaks down, or you are stranded, follow these suggestions for safe, warm car travel:

• Never leave children unattended.
• Keep a winter survival kit in the car with the following:
  • Blankets
  • Extra socks and gloves
  • Snacks
  • A first aid kit.
    
    

Myth: Cotton is a good insulator

 

Cotton may be comfortable, but can be downright dangerous outside in the cold. When cotton gets wet, it conducts heat away from the body at a much more rapid rate than other fabrics. Anything that can dampen your clothes, such as perspiration, rain, or falling in the water, can cause cotton to start robbing you of heat fast. A good substitute is polypropylene or some other synthetic substance that pulls water away from your skin.

Children and snowboarding

Children love snowboarding, whether it's fun with friends or floating down powder-covered slopes. Children can learn to snowboard at a young age (lessons generally begin at age 7, but motivated youth can start even younger). This article will help you to maximize their odds for success.

Keep them warm

Snowboarders have a bit different apparel requirements than skiers. Young riders can spend a fair amount of time sitting or kneeling in the snow, with hands making frequent contact with the wet stuff. The bottom line, however, is the same: to keep kids warm and dry.
Never underestimate the weather. A proper snowboard outfit consists of the following:
Jacket: A snowboard jacket is roomier than a traditional ski jacket—both for style and function. Articulated arms (with extra room in the sleeves) allow riders a full range of motion. Longer, hip-length jackets help keep little backs and bottoms warm in the snow and on the chairlift, and keep snow from seeping in at the waist.
Trousers: These should have extra waterproofing (and padding) on the bottom and knees since part of the fun is sitting in the snow while you put on bindings, waiting for a jump to clear or watching your friends do tricks. Snowboarding pants are designed to fit more loosely than ski pants. Key features are articulated knees, boot gaiters (to prevent snow from seeping in at the ankle) and insulation.
Long underwear: Either synthetic or merino wool base layers (make sure there is no cotton content) both do the trick. If you are going to buy only 1 set (top and bottom), go with a mid weight model. This next-to-skin layer shouldn't be too tight or restrictive.
Insulating layer: On colder days, children can wear a lightweight fleece or wool top over their underwear. Again, avoid cotton. Alternatively, one trick is to have your child wear 2 sets of long underwear (one a size larger than the other) under his or her insulated jacket.
Neck gaiter: Often overlooked, this handy item (right) protects the neck, ears and lower face from wind and sunburn. Merino wool or polyester fleece are best for soft, no-itch warmth and minimal odour after long-term wear. Wash neck gaiters frequently and let them air dry.
Socks: Stay away from cotton socks. Snowboarding socks should extend to just above the calf and be made of a blend of wool and synthetic. Children should have 2 pairs of snowboard socks but wear only 1 pair at a time. Rotate the pairs to prevent blisters; keep the extra one in your pack in case of wet feet.
Goggles: Medium-tint styles are best for all-condition wear. Alternatively, buy goggles and a helmet as a package—many are designed to work together so there's no gap on the forehead.
Mittens: Snowboarders have lots of hand-to-snow contact, so get well-insulated, waterproof/breathable mittens or gloves (mittens are warmer). Frequent manipulation of the bindings (you remove your back foot to skate across flat snow and to get on and off the chair) makes manual dexterity an issue. Some gloves and mittens have built-in wrist protectors to guard little wrists from getting torqued during a hard fall. Also helpful are internal hand warmer pouches. Young riders often get snow down their sleeves. Consider gloves or mittens with long wrist cuffs that can extend either over or under their jacket sleeves by several inches.
Warmers: These air-activated heat pouches can be a child's best friend on the slope. Many styles of gloves have warmer pockets, so you just shake the warmers and insert them into the pouches for all-day warmth. Foot warmers work well in most youth snowboard boots. Place the foot warmer inside the top of the boot, above the child's toes, so it provides warmth but doesn't bunch underfoot.
To ensure you don't leave anything at home, make a checklist to keep in the top pouch of your gear pack. 

Snowboard gear: rent or buy?

While it's usually more convenient to own gear, renting and season-long leasing are both smart options for children.
If you are just getting started (or plan to snowboard only a few times a season), consider renting. Great advantage of leasing or renting is that you usually get state-of-the-art gear that is tuned, waxed and ready to go.

Snowboard gear shopping tips

If buying gear makes sense for you, then consider this when shopping:
Helmet: Children should wear a helmet when snowboarding. The nature of the sport is that riders fall. Make sure the helmet fits well. Many youth helmets are designed with an inner harness that can be expanded or contracted for a custom fit. A helmet should also have a strap or attachment in the back to secure goggles.
Board: Smaller children should start with a soft, all-mountain board that reaches chest height, tail to tip. This shorter board is more easily to use, while a longer board floats more easily in powder. As they progress, consider models designed especially for terrain parks (ramps, rails, jumps). More advanced boards have reverse camber construction, allowing them to "pop" more on jumps and snow features. Child-specific boards usually range from 90cm to 146cm in length.
Boots: Beginners need warm, well-fitting boots. Make sure the laces and buckles are snug. Soft boots allow the child to flex and move on the board. The movement needed to turn is from heel to toe side—excess space inhibits turning ability; too little space results in pinched toes and heel blisters. Quality children's boots typically have a rip-and-stick strap that can be tightened or loosened to accommodate a growing foot.
Bindings: Childs' snowboard bindings are adjustable to accommodate several shoe sizes. Buy quality bindings, since a child can get several years out of 1 pair. If your child owns boots, bring them along when you rent, lease or buy a board-and-binding setup. It is critical that the bindings fit the boots and that your child can easily release and attach the bindings while wearing gloves.
Wrist guards: Wrist sprains are a common snowboarding injury. Snowboarding gloves are available with internal wrist guards, or you can buy wrist protectors separately. Children should learn to ball their hands in fists and punch the ground when they fall, but guards do lend support against a sprain. 

Tips for starting out

• Take a lesson: Lessons are the fastest way to learn skills and safety. There are a lot of "tricks" with snowboarding, from strapping on bindings to being aware of other skiers and riders on the mountain. Plus, children often respond better to an instructor than a parent. If the whole family is learning, put everyone in age-appropriate lessons, then consider an hour-long private lesson at the end of the day to work together on skills.
• Keep it fun: Pack snacks, take breaks and play games like follow the leader. Think of rewards (like treats or cookies) for good turns or an extra run.
• Not too steep: Make sure children are taught on appropriate terrain.
• Put your best foot forward: The first decision in snowboarding is which foot should be forward. A snowboard stance is either "regular" (which is left foot forward) or "goofy" (right foot forward). To decide, have your child run and slide on the snow and watch his or her foot position. Or have your young snowboarder stand with both feet together (on a step or sidewalk). Tell them to start walking and note which foot they step with first. Don't tell them the names of the stances until you determine their lead foot.
• Positioning the plates: Snowboard shop employees should be able to help with stance and binding position. If doing this yourself, know that beginners should have bindings set in a stance that is slightly wider than the shoulders. Most riders start with their bindings centered on the board or slightly setback toward the tail. The front foot is slightly angled toward the tip and the back foot should be straight or barely pointed toward the tail.
• Homework helps: Have your child practice putting on and taking off the board (especially using the back binding, as it has to be released to ride the chairlift and to skate across flat sections of the resort.) This is easiest done sitting down. Place the board on top of a big, fluffy pillow and help your child identify the tip and tail of the board, the toe and heel edge, and the lead and rear foot. This will help him or her to understand on-snow directions from an instructor.
• Stay safe: It's normal for riders to sit down when they aren't riding, but sitting in the middle of a slope exposes them to the very real danger of being hit by an uphill rider or skier. The safest place to sit is on the side of the run, taking care to be on the uphill side of a knoll or rise. Also, riders should never sit at the base (landing) of a jump.
• Ride with a partner and beware of tree wells: Kids love to pop in and out of trees, but tree wells (the loose-snow area next to a tree) must be avoided. Emphasize the buddy system of riding, especially on powder days.
• Skate on: Proper technique is to have the back foot push from behind the board. Do 2 pushes, then put your back foot right in front of the back bindings. It seems more natural to push from the front, but it's awkward and inefficient. Attach a stomp pad to the board to make skating and proper foot position easier.
• Basics: Loose bindings and boot laces are the common problems. Double-check boot laces and straps before they head off to the chair lift. Double-check the binding too (strap the binding on the front foot first, ankle, then the toe).
• Make a fist, save a wrist. Children should practice falling (always to the uphill side of the slope, if possible). If a downhill fall is inevitable, the best technique is to roll with the fall. If they can't catch themselves with their forearm, making a fist and "punching" the snow with a straight wrist (not the hand) helps to prevent injury.
• Soft snow means soft landings. Learn on a day when the snow is soft, not icy (although too much powder can make it difficult for a child). Learning to ride inevitably involves sitting down hard in the snow. On a day with fresh powder, chances are your child won't end up with a bruised tailbone.
• Stay alert: Teach children to always look uphill before they launch themselves down a slope and to remember that skiers and riders lower on the slope always have the right-of-way.