Talk to your baby

Every baby learns to talk by listening to people talk, by playing with sounds and words, and by talking to others.  

Your baby begins to learn language skills from the moment she is born. The first language skill to develop is known as receptive - understanding what is heard. Expressive - speaking skills - develops later.  You can help your baby develop both kinds of language in the following ways:

      Talking

• Talk to your baby often, but make sure you speak slowly. To give baby the chance to begin picking out words, you must speak slowly, clearly and simply most of the time.
  
• Use a variety of words, not just the names of things.
  
• Do focus on single words, especially words which are commonly used in baby's everyday language, such as cup, bath...
  
• Emphasise imitation. As your baby begins to learn new sounds, imitate them. An entire conversation  can be built around a few vowels and consonants.
  
• Wait for a response. Even if your baby cannot talk in words, she may have a response to an activity you have proposed, such as a squeal or whimper.
  
• Pause often so that your baby has the chance to understand and talk back to you. 
   
  Show baby you listen 
   
  

• Take turns when you play and talk, just as you would hold a conversation.
  
• Listen to your baby.
  
• Look at your baby's face. Smile or reply to your baby's sounds.
  
• Show that you are listening. Repeat baby's words. 
   
  Playing 
   
  
• Create opportunities for your baby to play with other children. Join a play group.
  
• Play close to your baby. Copy some of her actions, facial expressions or sounds, and show her new actions. Play hiding games, like peek-a-boo.
  
• Finger games, soft dolls and stuffed toys, balls, blocks and activity boards all help to develop baby's fingers and hands, as well as listening and learning skills.
  
• Build a repertoire of songs and rhymes. You may find it tedious to sing the same words over and over again, but it helps baby learn.
  
• Sharpen baby's hearing skills. When a plane flies overhead or the door bell rings, point them out to baby. This helps baby understand the world of sounds and learn new words at the same time.
  
• Select suitable television programs for your baby, and watch them together. 
   
  Share books 
   
  
• Even if baby cannot read or listen to stories, share them for a few minutes a day.
  
• Choose books with large, bright pictures. Babies love pictures of babies.
  
• Do plenty of pointing out of single objects, animals or people. Eventually your baby will surprise you by responding.
  
• Let your baby show books to you. Visit your library, and choose books together.
  
• Tell your baby stories, and repeat favourites. 
   
  

       Step by step in learning

Babies develop at different rates. Even so, before their first birthday most babies will:

• enjoy watching your face
  
• show delight when you reply to their chatter
  
• love you imitating them
  
• notice familiar sounds and voices
  
• enjoy books and music
  
• play with sounds
  
• understand their name, basic commands - such as 'no' - and the names of familiar objects
  
• understand daily routines, such as bath and bed times
  
• try to join in with action songs
  
• eat a range of food tastes and textures
  
• chew a variety of foods well
  
• try to drink from a cup
  
• attempt some real words, and
  
• sound as though they are speaking your language.
  
  Most babies will say their first words between 12 and 18 months. They will have a burst of language development before they turn two, and begin to join words together by two and a half years.  Most three year olds will use three to four word sentences and be understood by familiar adults most of the time. By four, children will use four to five word sentences, use grammar correctly most of the time, and be understood by most people. 
   
  When to seek help 
   
  A speech pathologist has been professionally trained to advise, diagnose and work with adults and children who have communication disabilities. Your child health nurse may be able to put you in contact with a speech pathologist if you are worried about your child's language development, and particularly if:
  

• your baby does not seem to listen to you, enjoy sounds or respond to them
  
• your baby has difficulty sucking, chewing, swallowing or biting
  
• your baby isn't using real words by 18 months
  
• your toddler is frustrated by not being able to speak to others
  
• your toddler has trouble understanding what you say
  
• your toddler has an unusual voice, for example it sounds husky
  
• your toddler isn't trying to make sentences by two and a half years.
  

Hearing loss in children

Here are some of the ways that you can check whether your baby reacts normally to sounds. 

 

Shortly after birth: 

 

A baby can be startled by a sudden noise such as a hand clap or door slamming, and blink or open his eyes widely.

By one month:

Your baby will begin noticing sudden long sounds, like the noise of a vacuum cleaner. He listens to these sounds when they begin, and notices when they stop. Hearing well is important to your baby’s development. If there are any problems in hearing, you absolutely need to find them early.

By four months:

Your baby quietens or smiles at the sound of a voice, even when he cannot see you. A baby may turn his head or eyes towards you if you come up from behind and speak from the side.

By seven months:

Your baby should turn immediately to your voice across the room, or to very quiet noises made on each side of him, unless he is too busy with other things.

By nine months:

A baby listens to familiar everyday sounds, and looks in response to very quiet sounds made out of sight. Your baby should also show pleasure in babbling loudly and tunefully.

By twelve months:

Your baby should show some response to his own name and other familiar words, and may also respond when you say ‘no’, or ‘bye-bye’, even when he cannot see you wave.

Hearing loss should be considered in babies who do not do these things. If you are not sure that your baby is hearing well, have your baby’s hearing tested by an expert who has the right equipment.

Older children

Older children who are not hearing well may not talk clearly, they may ask ‘what?’ or may often need you to repeat what you have said. (Some children who can hear well do the same.) 

 

Responding to speech 

 

Not responding to things said to her is the most common sign of hearing loss. The child often does not seem to notice that you have spoken to her.

From about two and a half or three years, the child may ask you to say things again (‘What?’ ‘Sorry?’ ‘Huh?’).

The child may work out what has been said from knowing the situation or because she is very keen to know. However, understanding what is said will require extra mental effort. She will grow tired of trying to listen, and you might think that ‘she can hear if she wants to!’

The lack of response may come and go. If the hearing loss is due to ear infections, the child may sometimes hear, but at other times may not hear. Hearing loss in just one ear may give a particularly confusing impression to parents.

A child who is not yet old enough to understand what is said to her, will also say ‘What?’ and so will a child whose mind is on other things.

Mild or moderate hearing loss is harder to notice in young children who are not old enough to say ‘What?’ However, a parent may notice that the child needs to search to right and left to find the voice or sound. 

 

Delayed language development 

 

Children who do not hear well may start talking later than other children, use the wrong word, or have unclear speech. If the child does not hear a lot of what is said, she will not learn the right way to say words and sentences. The child may miss quick, quiet sounds and connecting words (like ‘and’ and ‘the’) and leave them out of her own speech. The child may leave out some sounds, particularly ‘s’. Most children with delayed or unclear speech have normal hearing, but checking hearing is an important part of working out why a child’s language skills are delayed. 

 

Behaviour problems 

 

The relationship between child and parents may be affected, because the child may understand what a parent is saying only when the parent speaks in a loud, angry voice. The child may be unhappy because she does not understand why people become angry with her. The child may become shy and withdrawn, particularly with people she does not know, because she knows she will not be able to understand everything they say to her. 

 

School problems 

 

If a child does not hear the teacher well, she may not follow instructions well, and be considered either a ‘behaviour problem’ or a withdrawn student. If the classroom is quiet, the child may hear well enough, but she can have a lot of difficulty hearing one voice when several people are talking. If the loss is mild, the child will hear in some situations, or will understand with effort when she is very interested, but only for a short time, so it will seem as if ‘she can hear if she wants to!’ 

 

Middle ear problems 

 

Middle ear problems such as infections and ‘glue ear’ are the most common causes of hearing loss. They affect how the sound is moved (transmitted) from the eardrum to the nerves of the inner ear. These problems usually cause temporary hearing loss. 

 

Middle ear infections (otitis media) 

 

Middle ear infections in young children may occur when a child gets a ‘cold’, sinusitis or hay fever – any situation where the nose is blocked and there is lots of mucous.  The Eustachian tube (a thin tube running from the back of the throat to the middle ear) gets blocked and fluid can build up in the middle ear, creating a feeling of pressure inside the ear. The eardrum and tiny bones which carry sound from the outer ear to the nerves in the inner ear cannot move as well, affecting hearing.

Sometimes, bacteria get into the fluid that has built up in the ear, causing a middle ear infection. The eardrum can appear red and inflamed, and there might be a build-up of pus inside the ear. This can cause more pressure in the ear and pain for the child and he may be more unwell generally.

About 10 percent of children who have a cold develop a middle ear infection. Most will clear up without treatment, but antibiotics may speed up recovery and have the child feeling better quicker.  When a child has a middle ear infection, hearing is often affected for a few weeks until the fluid clears up. 

 

Glue ear 

 

If a child has many middle ear infections, fluid may be in the middle ear most of the time. It can get very thick and sticky – this is called ‘glue ear’.  Some children develop glue ears without having had many ear infections.

Some children with this middle ear fluid may complain of earache (often at bedtime, when the child lies down) but many do not say that their ears hurt.  This sticky fluid is slow to clear up and a child’s hearing may be affected for many months, with sounds seeming muffled.

Glue ear can interfere with language and speech development while the fluid is there.  Treatments may be offered, such as antibiotics (perhaps repeated courses) or surgery (cutting a hole in the ear drum, sucking out the fluid and putting a small tube (grommet) into the hole). 

 

Wax blocking the ear canals 

 

Wax protects the lining of the ear canals. In most people, wax gradually works its way out of the ear naturally – it does not usually build up and block the ear canal.  To keep ears clean, it is only necessary to clean the outer shell of the ear with a soapy finger or wash cloth. Poking a cotton bud into the ear canal is likely to push wax deeper into the canal. Do not poke cotton buds into ear canals.

Wax may sometimes completely block a child’s ear canal and cause a hearing loss. If wax blocks both ears, the child will not be able to hear very well at all. If just one ear is blocked, the child will still find listening difficult and may not know where your voice or other sounds are coming from.  If wax is blocking one ear or both ears, it should only be removed by someone who has special equipment and is able to watch what is happening, such as your child’s doctor.

If the child still cannot hear well after wax has been removed, there must be another cause of the hearing difficulty (such as fluid in the middle ear, a more common cause of hearing loss). 

 

Permanent hearing loss 

 

Only one or two children in every 1,000 have significant permanent hearing loss. It is very important for the child’s development to identify it and do something about it as soon as possible.  Permanent hearing loss in children is usually present at birth. Less often, it can occur later – e.g. arising from certain infections.  Permanent hearing loss is usually due to damage to the sound-sensitive nerve endings in the inner ear (the cochlea). 

 

Causes of permanent hearing loss 

 

About 50% of permanent hearing loss in children is inherited:

this may be due to a ‘dominant’ gene inherited from one parent (where there is a history of deafness in previous generations) or it may occur when there are two ‘recessive’ genes, one from each parent, (when there is no deafness in the parents or past generations, but there may be a brother or sister with hearing loss).

Some permanent hearing losses occur in children who needed nursing in a special or intensive care unit for more than 48 hours after birth (maybe due to a difficult or very premature birth).  It can occur following meningitis. Some are due to virus infections (e.g. cytomegalovirus or rubella) during the pregnancy. 

 

Risk factors 

 

Increased risk or likelihood of permanent hearing loss is linked to:

• needing intensive care for two or more days after birth
  
• having another member of the family or a near relative with life-long or permanent hearing loss (ever since childhood)
  
• babies with unusual shape or features of the head, face, ears or neck.
  

Any baby with these risk factors should have a hearing check carried out in the hospital, or as soon as possible after discharge, by a professional.  Any child who has had meningitis is at risk of permanent hearing loss and should have a hearing test before leaving hospital and again during the next year. 

 

How is a child’s hearing tested? 

 

Birth to four months:

The surest way to check the hearing of a newborn baby is to use modern technology to check inner ear function. These tests do not hurt the baby and can be done in just a few minutes when the baby is asleep.  Inner ear function is tested by the detection of ‘otoacoustic emissions’, which is sound energy produced when the nerve endings of the inner ear vibrate in response to incoming sound. This sound energy can be detected in the ear canal, which shows that the child has heard the sound. Sometimes it is necessary to wait a week or so for a good result, because of moisture in the ear canal or middle ear following birth.

From birth, a baby can also be watched for movement around the eyes in response to sudden loud sound. This kind of response shows that there is not a severe hearing loss, but more moderate degrees of loss are still possible – including hearing loss that could affect language development.

Four months to three years:

A baby starts to turn slowly to quiet voices and other interesting sounds and by seven months most babies turn quickly to very quiet sound.  Delay of speech or unclear speech in a young child may indicate that he is not able to hear all sounds spoken to him.

From three years:

A child may accept headphones, which allow each ear to be tested separately.  The child can be trained to give some kind of sign whenever he hears faint sounds. The child’s growing concentration allows hearing measurements to be made with greater accuracy and detail. 

 

Speech tests: 

 

The child shows at what voice level (i.e. loudness) he can understand spoken words, by pointing to a named picture or toy from 18 months of age, or by repeating a spoken word from about three years.  A child is never too young for a hearing test. There are hearing tests suitable for a child of any age or stage of development. The tests become more subtle and precise as the child gets older. 

 

How ‘big’ is a child’s hearing loss? 

 

Parents often ask ‘What percentage has she lost?’ Percentage hearing loss is a legal term. It is not a useful way of describing a child’s hearing loss. The following ways of describing hearing loss are more useful.

Mild impairment - The child hears and can understand normal conversational voice, but will not follow all quiet speech that others can hear and may often say ‘What?’

Moderate impairment - The child does not hear all of normal conversational speech and needs to hear a louder, stronger, aggressively toned response. Some effect on the child’s speech development is likely unless the child receives some help.

Severe impairment - The child will not hear any normal conversation and only a few sounds of loud speech.

Profound impairment - The child will hear only the loudest noises and may not get sufficient help even from a hearing aid. Insertion of a cochlear implant (‘bionic ear’) may need to be considered. 

 

Where can a child’s hearing be tested? 

 

Checking hearing of a child under five years of age is best done by a specialised children’s audiologist.

Birth defects

 

Causes of birth defects

Some of the factors that may cause a birth defect include:

• Genetic disorders – an altered or ‘faulty’ gene or set of genes usually means that the information contained in the particular gene is either changed or missing.
• Maternal illness during pregnancy – for example, some infectious diseases can cause serious harm to a pregnant woman or her unborn baby.
• Alcohol or drugs – drugs such as alcohol, tobacco, some illegal drugs and certain prescription and over-the-counter medications are known to cause birth defects if taken during pregnancy.
• Individual pregnancy factors – for example, the mother’s blood and the baby’s blood may be incompatible (Rh disease), or there could be too little amniotic fluid in the womb.
• Radiation exposure – from x-ray machines or other sources can damage the genes of the developing baby, particularly during the first trimester (first three months of pregnancy).
• Unknown causes – the cause of birth defects is unknown in about six in every 10 cases.
  
  

Prenatal diagnosis of birth defects

Some women may be at increased risk of having a baby with birth defects because of maternal factors such as age, general health, medical history or family history.

Some of the prenatal tests used in the diagnosis of birth defects may include:

• Prenatal ultrasound – a non-invasive scan that uses soundwaves to create a picture of the baby within the womb.
• Maternal blood tests – to check for certain substances such as hormones or particular proteins made by the baby.
• Amniocentesis – the doctor inserts a needle through the mother’s abdominal wall and takes a sample of amniotic fluid for testing.
• Chorionic villus sampling – a sample of the placenta is taken using a small needle and tube (catheter) inserted through the mother’s cervix or through her abdominal wall.
• Percutaneous umbilical blood sampling – the doctor inserts a needle through the mother’s abdominal wall into the umbilical cord. A sample of the baby’s blood is taken from the cord for testing.
  
  

Reduce the risk of birth defects

The risk of a birth defect for any baby is about four per cent, regardless of the circumstances during pregnancy. This means that a baby may have a birth defect even when the mother and father did everything right. Keeping this in mind, there are some things you can do to reduce the risk of birth defects.

General suggestions include:

• Ideally, make sure you are up to date with your immunisations (especially for rubella) before you get pregnant.
• Take folic acid supplements prior to conception and during the first trimester as directed by your doctor.
• See your doctor regularly for prenatal care.
• Do not smoke.
• Avoid illegal drugs and alcohol during pregnancy.
• If you take medication to manage a chronic illness, don’t stop or alter the dose without the knowledge and consent of your doctor. If you are concerned about your long-term medication, the doctor may, in some cases, be able to prescribe a similar medication that does not have any known effects on the baby.
• Eat a healthy diet rich in vitamin B.
• Avoid unnecessary x-ray examinations.
  
  

Things to remember

• A birth defect is an abnormality that may be detected during pregnancy, at birth or in early childhood.
• The abnormality may affect the function or structure of a body part or alter the baby’s metabolism.
• The cause is unknown in about six in every 10 cases.
  

Be safe in the sun

Some exposure to sunlight has health benefits, such as through stimulating the production of Vitamin D by the body (this aids the absorption of calcium and phosphorus, which are essential for healthy bones). Vitamin D is available through nutritional sources, but this does not always provide enough. There is also evidence that exposure to sunlight improves mental wellbeing and may be linked to a reduction in the risk of developing multiple sclerosis. However the detrimental effects of excessive exposure to sunlight are serious. In the short-term, there is the risk of sunburn, which can be painful and if severe enough considered a first-degree burn. In the long term, there is an increased risk of developing skin cancer, which can be fatal.

Risks of exposure to too much ultraviolet radiation

There are a number of negative side effects that can result from spending to much time in the sun, or indeed in a solarium. These include:

• Deterioration of the skin, including premature ageing and loss of elasticity.
• Rashes, itchiness and dryness.
• Damage to the eyes.
• Sunburn.
• Skin cancer.
  

People whose pattern of sun exposure has been intermittent are at an increased risk of developing melanoma or basal cell carcinoma. Those who have more continuous exposure (such as outdoor workers) are at an increased risk of developing squamous cell carcinoma. Evidence also shows that overexposure to sunlight in childhood and adolescence is an important risk factor in developing skin cancer.   People of all races and skin colors can develop skin cancer, but some are more susceptible than others. If you have one or more of the following risk factors, you should be especially vigilant about reducing your UV exposure:

• Fair skin
• Blue or green eyes
• Blond or red hair
• Freckles
• Moles (especially 50 or more)
• Family or personal history of skin cancer.
  
  UV radiation from the sun is especially damaging under certain conditions, including the following:

• from 10 a.m. to 4 p.m.
• at latitudes nearer the equator
• at higher altitudes
• when there is no thick cloud cover (and clouds only block 20% of UV rays)
• near water, snow, or other highly reflective surfaces.
  

Sun damage accumulates over time, so if you find yourself in these conditions often, consistent protection is a must. Remember that besides skin cancer, the sun can also cause cataracts and other eye problems, a weakened immune system, unsightly skin spots and wrinkles. 

What is the most effective way to protect myself?

The most effective way actually is to simply stay out of the summer sun in the middle of the day. Here are some more tips to protect yourself:

• Wear sunglasses that include a warranty stating they provide 99-100% UVA and UVB (broad-spectrum) protection.
• Apply sunscreen to all exposed skin 15 minutes before venturing outdoors. The sunscreen container should specify a sun protection factor (SPF) rating of 15 or above and should state that it provides broad-spectrum (UVA and UVB) protection. Lotion- or cream-based sunscreens tend to adhere to the skin longer, thus providing better protection.
• PABA-free sunscreens are recommended for persons with sensitive skin.
• Depending on your activity (swimming, sweating), sunscreen should be re-applied at least every two hours.
• The SPF number on the sunscreen indicates how many times longer, under ideal conditions, a person can stay out in the sun without beginning to turn red in comparison with the amount of time totally unprotected skin would start to burn. Research indicates these numbers are sometimes overstated.
• Avoid tanning salons, beds, and sunlamps.
  
  

Do children need extra protection?

Yes. Up to 50% of an individual's lifetime contact with sunshine occurs before adulthood. Studies also show that the more incidents of sunburn children have, the higher likelihood that they will develop skin cancer decades later. So it is especially critical to protect them from the sun. Here are a few tips:

• Babies 6 months of age or younger should be kept completely out of the direct sun at all times. In addition, sunscreen shouldn't be applied to babies this age.
• For children over 6 months, apply sunscreen every time they go outside.
• Children's swimsuits made from sun-protective fabric and designed to cover the child from the neck to the knees are getting more and more popular. They are now available in most of the well known sea side resorts.
  

Fathers - importance of looking after yourself

Your physical wellbeing

When your physical health is at its best, you're better equipped to manage your emotional health. A healthy lifestyle can reduce the risk of disease, lift your mood and provide a sense of control in your life. People under stress for long periods or who have a mental illness are at higher risk of developing diabetes, heart disease, and obesity. So it’s important to make sure you are eating well and getting enough exercise. This will increase your energy levels, make you feel good and also improve your sleep quality, another key factor of good health. Looking after your own health and wellbeing is important for your child too. Fathers are key role models for their children. Your examples will influence the lifestyle choices and behaviour patterns your child adopts and takes into adulthood.

Choosing an active lifestyle

Controlling your weight is an important part of maintaining good health. It also affects your family. Research has found where fathers are overweight, the chances of his children being overweight quadruples, even when their mother is a normal weight. Overweight people usually develop their eating and exercise patterns early in life, so your children will learn from you. Control your weight by eating healthy food, not overeating and getting enough exercise. Being active benefits you physically and mentally. If you include your children in physical activities, you will create positive habits for them too. Involving children can make the activity more enjoyable, and be a more effective use of time. You’ll benefit emotionally too, by building better relationships with your child.

Healthy eating

Perhaps you need to assess what you’re eating and make changes. Eating patterns are usually habitual, so changes may seem difficult at first. Persist, as it won’t take long until it becomes natural and enjoyable. Like exercise, involving your children in your eating habits can make it more fun for both of you. It also reminds you it’s important to be healthy for each other.

Alcohol and other drugs

Alcohol, cigarettes and drugs (including misuse of prescription drugs) can affect your physical and mental health and your children’s. They might make you feel good for a while, but can harm the health of your children and affect your ability to parent. If taking these drugs has become a habit, you might not know until you try stopping and find it hard. There are plenty of free services that can help you quit and won’t make negative judgements about you.

Get quality sleep

A good night’s sleep refreshes the mind and repairs the body. Poor sleep can make you irritable and tired throughout the day. When you don’t get enough sleep you will find it hard to concentrate on things and it will increase your stress.

Your emotional wellbeing

When your physical, emotional and mental health is at it’s best, you set good examples for your child to develop positive life skills.

Balancing work and life

Having time for work, family and yourself can often seem out of the question. But if you think about priorities, you can plan time effectively. When you feel you have the balance right, it will reduce stress and anxiety and give you more time to do things you enjoy with your family and by yourself. This will improve or maintain your health and relationships, and help you manage your responsibilities without burning out. It’s important to have hobbies and interests outside of work and home so you don’t feel ‘boxed in’. You might combine your own needs while spending time with you children, eg. going for a bike ride or doing family chores together or preparing the family meal. Every family is unique, so work out what’s important to you and meets your circumstances. This is essential for a balanced life.

Managing emotions

Being aware of your feelings and thoughts, and how they affect your behaviour is important for positive relationships. Having a positive perception (healthy self-esteem) and managing conflict, anger and stress effectively can be learnt or developed. These valuable skills will have a positive impact on your children, partner and community. If they’re lacking, they’ll impact negatively. If you need help to manage your emotions, find someone to confide in—a friend, professional or family member—for support. Being isolated from friends and social support is associated with higher levels of depression, and higher levels of diseases. You need to stay connected with friends and loved ones for your own wellbeing.

Tips for long haul air travel with children

Now, having completed the journey myself, with all members of my family still alive and well, I pass my findings on to you.

 So, here they are my top tips:

    Book an overnight flight. Enough said.

    Pick the right airline. Luggage allowances vary widely, so if you need to carry a lot of baggage , it can help to shop around. You’ll also be wanting a personal entertainment system on every seat, children's meals and any goodies you can get your hands on (some airlines offer play packs etc.).

    Let technology be your friend. I’m not really into buying my children toys when it isn’t their birthday/Christmas/sticker chart reward time but desperate times call for desperate measures. I knew we would be doing a lot of very boring waiting, so I purchase number of games.

    Pack your carry on bag wisely. In the few weeks before the flight, I started to put items away for the children's bags. These items included a few toy cars, colouring books, sticker books, two non-spill cups, easy to eat snacks and a small favourite toy from home.

    Wipes – even with older kids a travel pack of wipes can be a lifesaver.

    Pack a change of clothes for each child – in case spill/vomit/toilet accident OR bags don’t arrive at destination. For those still in nappies / messy eaters bring more.

    Bring snacks as you never know when they will serve food or what will be served, delays where you are stuck on the tarmac or in the gate etc. Don’t assume anything. We’ve had flights that take off at 9pm and figure we’ll sleep only to find “dinner” being served at 10pm so that we get on local time for meals immediately. Also some airlines serve less food than others replacing one of your meals with a snack that can often be a piece of fruit or mini sandwich.

    Bring something for take off and landing to alleviate pressure - babies can have a pacifier/dummy or drink from bottle or breast, lollipops can be great for young kids and older ones can chew gum or suck on a lollipop.

My final, off the record, tip is to think Zen. Expect nothing and the flight can only exceed your expectations.

Separation anxiety

Separation anxiety is when a child gets upset when separated from a parent or loved carer. For example, a young child may become distressed when left with a nanny, or when put to bed by herself.

Separation anxiety is normal during early childhood. It usually starts at about six to eight months of age and lasts until about two and a half to four years of age. Sometimes it can last longer if the child has had any painful separations in the early years. Separation anxiety reflects the child's attempts to hold on to what is safe in a very scary world, and it will settle down as the child grows older and more confident.

What is separation anxiety?

• Infants during the first few months of life become attached to their main carer or carers (usually their parents). This is because they learn that their carer can provide love, attention, comfort and nourishment.
• A child generally starts worrying about being away from carers when he is old enough to know that he is a separate individual from his parents, that there are special people in his life who look after him, and when he can clearly recognise the difference between family members and strangers.
• Knowing that the special person(s) is near helps the child to feel safe as he takes his first steps into a big and scary world.
• When the child's special person is not there, the child becomes upset – often this brings the parent or carer back, and the child feels safe again.
• If a pattern is established where the special person always comes back after small separations, the child eventually learns that the world is a safe place, and he is able to be happy when the special people aren't there.
• The separations need to be very short at first, because the child does not understand that their special person will be coming back. It takes a long time – years – for the child to feel safe when the special person is not there.
  
  

Bedtime

• From about 6 months of age, children may get upset at bedtime, or even when the parent leaves the room – these are separations.
• Children don’t yet understand that their parents may still be close by when they cannot see them.
• A child may try to follow the parent to keep her or him in sight, and can get very "clingy". It is best to comfort and resettle your baby than letting them cry.
• This behaviour may get worse until the child is about fifteen to eighteen months old, and then gradually goes away as the child becomes more confident. 
  
  

Staying with others

• Babies can become attached to more than one special person, and this is healthy for them because they have more "safe" people to rely on.
• However if there are a lot of people sharing the baby's care, this can be very difficult for the baby. A baby in day care, for example, will find it much less stressful to become attached to one or two carers only.
• Usually it takes until children are three or four years old for them to feel safe even for a short time when they are away from people they know and trust.
• This means that toddlers may often become distressed on separation from parents and carers when being dropped off at child care centres. However, this distress is often short-lived, and many children do thrive in the safe environment of a child care centre.
• Children may be upset at the time that a parent leaves them, be relaxed and happy with the person caring for them, then upset again when the parent returns and they 'remember' that they were left. This is not 'manipulative' – it is normal child development, and shows that the child still does not feel really comfortable when the parent is not there, but is learning how to manage.
• By around four to six years they will be better able to manage an extended period of time without having a parent or special carer around, although some children will have difficulty with this even later on.
• Some young children do not show any distress on separation. This may be because they do feel safe (some are more easy-going than others; some have already learnt that they are safe and their parents will always come back), or it may be because they have learnt that getting upset does not bring their trusted person back, and they have given up.
  
  

Other times when children are likely to be anxious

Because very young children don't have an understanding of time and distance, even small separations can be frightening. Some separation times which may be stressful are:

• when a parent leaves the room
• if the mother is going to hospital to have a baby
• if the child goes to hospital
• when the parents go out at night.
  
  

What parents can do

All children have to learn to deal with separations. It is part of learning about life. If the first separations are managed well, it helps children with the separations they will have to deal with all through their lives.

• Always make sure that your child will be safe and well looked after at the place where you are leaving her, so that you can feel confident in assuring her that she will be fine.
• If possible, help her get to know any new situation or carer while you are there. It can take some time for her to feel comfortable if she is very anxious – you may have to stay with her at child care or preschool until she feels safe to let you go.
• If your baby or young child is going to child care, try to find a place where there will be only one or two people who will be her special carers and who will usually be there when she is there.
• If you can, stay with your child until she gets to know her carer. If you show that you trust and like the carer, it will help your child to know that she is safe.
• Always say goodbye, even if you have to go while she is upset. This builds trust. Sneaking out or trying to get away may make a child feel that you can't be trusted. Once you have said "goodbye" try not to drag out your departure as this is unlikely to be helpful.
• When going out, try to leave the child with someone he knows and trusts.
• Let him keep his comforter (dummy, teddy or blanket) if he has one.
• Show that you understand his feelings, eg. "I know you wish I could stay. I wish I could stay with you too".
• Help him to know when you will be coming back. Tell him in ways he understands, eg. "after lunch".
• Be reliable and always come back when you say you will. If for some reason you can’t get back on time, let the carer know, so that she will be able to tell your child what has happened.
• Sometimes if children are away from parents during the day they seem to want to make up time at night by staying up late. Try to give them extra time with you in the evenings.
  

Sometimes when a child has been separated (eg. in childcare) and has seemed quite happy, his behaviour changes if his mother stays home with him again, eg. she leaves work to have another baby. The child may become clingy and seem to be going backwards. This is the child's way of working through the separation now that he has you there and feels safe. If he is allowed to cling he will move forward again when he is ready. Pushing children away or expecting them to grow up more quickly than they are ready to doesn't help.

Preschool children and computers

Computer games and programs can be great fun for preschoolers – and can be educational, too. But they do have some negatives. 

 

 

Limit computer time 

 

Most child development experts recommend limiting children’s daily screen time - no more than an hour a day for children aged 2-5 years, and no more than two hours a day for children over five. Screen time includes TV, DVD and computer time.

This is for the following reasons:

• Young children thrive on being with other people. This develops their relationship and language skills.
• Children need to explore the real world, developing their imaginations and creativity.
• Lifetime habits are formed in the preschool years. Children can become too reliant on computers for ‘something to do’.
  
  
  

Making the most of computer time

 

The first step is choosing from the many age-appropriate computer activities and games.

Preschoolers are likely to enjoy typing letters or words on the screen using word processing software. They might like to draw pictures with a simple drawing program. Your preschooler might also enjoy some of the entertaining and educational games available for this age group.

When you spend computer time with your child, you can help with what’s happening on the screen, and show that you’re interested in what your child can do. Most preschoolers will need your help to access programs and save or print their work. They might also need help understanding what to do next in a game. Your participation will help your child develop digital literacy.

Asking questions about your child’s computer activities and games gets your child in the habit of thinking about what’s on the screen, rather than just passively taking it in. Questions could include, ‘How do you play this game?’ or ‘What happens when you move there?’.

Software and websites that foster creativity can be good for preschoolers. Many computer games allow children to draw pictures and make up stories or rhymes. For preschoolers, this can be a way for them to express ideas and feelings they don’t always have the words for. Games that give children simple choices – for example, choosing a character, finding a background for a picture, or selecting a game – help your child make creative decisions.

Talking with your child about how much screen time is allowed and what computer activities are OK teaches her to think, plan and make choices about her computer use. 

Safe and healthy computer use

 

These tips will help you make sure your child stays safe and healthy while using the computer:

• Keep the computer in a shared space so you can see what your child is doing and viewing. This also lets you join in your child’s enjoyment and help your child get the most out of computer time.
• When it comes to the internet, it’s probably best to limit your preschooler to using simple games. If you do choose to introduce your child to web-browsing or messaging programs, it’s best to be around while he uses them. You could also consider installing filters or parental control software on your computer.
• Avoid computer games that make violence look ‘cool’, or that show violence as a way to get what you want. If children see heroes being rewarded for violent acts, they might want to copy the violence. Also, it can make them less sensitive to violence in the real world and can make them more anxious about their own security.
• Some studies have linked too much computer use to an increased risk of obesity and physical problems like hand injuries, eye strain, and back and wrist problems. If you limit your preschooler’s total screen time, she shouldn’t be sitting for long enough to expose her to these physical risks.
  

Why do children lie?

 

Why do children lie? 

 

Children tell lies for many reasons, depending on the situation and their motivation. Children might lie to:

• cover something up, hoping to avoid consequences or punishment
• explore and experiment with their parents’ responses and reactions
• exaggerate a story or impress others
• gain attention, even when they’re aware the listener knows the truth
• manipulate a situation or set something up – for example, saying to grandma, ‘Mum lets me have cakes before dinner’. 

 

When do children start lying? 

 

Children can learn to tell lies from an early age, usually by around three years of age. This is when they begin to work out that grown-ups are not mind readers, and that they can give people false information – perhaps to get out of trouble or to cover up.

Generally, children lie more between 4-6. They may become more skilled at telling a lie through their body language or being good actors, but will often implicate themselves if pushed to explain further. Studies suggest that four-year-olds can lie about once every two hours, and six-year-olds about every 90 minutes.

When children reach school-age, they lie more often and can do so more convincingly. The lies also become more sophisticated, as their vocabulary grows and they better understand how other people think. By eight, children can lie successfully without getting caught out.

 

What to do when your child lies 

 

Be positive, and emphasise the importance of honesty in your family.

You can tell your child that you appreciate being told the truth and don’t like it when she lies to you. For example, try saying ‘When you don’t tell me the truth, I feel sad and disappointed’.

Generally, it’s better to teach children the value of telling the truth than to punish them for minor misdeeds. Praise your child for honesty, even if it sometimes takes you a while to get it.

Children like to make things up. They exaggerate stories to give them a bit more ‘flavour’. In fact, pretending and imagining are important to your child’s development.

Tips for encouraging honesty

 

Once children grow old enough to understand the difference between true and not true, it's good to encourage and support them in telling the truth.

• If your child is telling you something that is imaginary or make-believe, you can simply go along with it. Pretending and imagining are important to your child’s development. For example, your child might tell you that she’s a super-hero. You could respond by asking her about her super-powers.
• Help your child avoid getting into situations where he feels he needs to lie. For example, you see your child has spilled some milk. You could say to him, ‘Did you spill the milk?’ He might lie and say no because he thinks he’s about to get into trouble. To avoid this situation, you could just say, ‘I see there’s been an accident with the milk. Let’s clean it up’.
• Make sure that you have clear rules about what is acceptable behaviour in your home. Children are more likely to behave within acceptable boundaries if clear rules are enforced.
• When your child owns up to doing something wrong, praise her for being honest. Say things like, ‘I am really glad you told me the truth. I like it when you are honest’. In fact, it’s important that your child knows that you won’t get upset if she owns up to something.
• If your child is deliberately misleading you, let him know that lying is not acceptable. Explain why it’s not a good thing and that you might not be able to trust him in future. Then use appropriate consequences to deal with the behaviour that led to the lie. For example, if your child drew on the wall, get him to help you clean it up.
• Try to deal separately with the lying and the behaviour that led to it. First, deal with the lying the way you said you would (for example, use time-out). Then have a look at what caused the behaviour behind the lie. If your child lied to get your attention, consider more positive ways you could give her attention. If she lied to get something she wanted – for example, toys from grandma – consider a rewards system that lets her earn special treats.
• Try to avoid telling your child that he is a ‘liar’. Labelling him in this way might negatively affect his self-esteem, or lead to even more lying. That is, if your child believes he’s a liar, he might as well as keep lying. It’s more helpful to label and talk about your child’s actions and behaviours.
• One way to discourage children from obvious lying is to make a joke, or exaggerate the untrue statement. For example, a young child might explain a broken toy by saying, ‘A man came in and broke it’. You could say something silly like, ‘Why didn’t you invite him in for dinner?’ Continue the joke a bit longer until the child ‘confesses’. This way, you uncover the lie and teach a lesson without any need for discipline or conflict.
  

More tips: older children

 

• As children get older, lies can become a habit. If the lying is happening a lot, make a set time to sit calmly with your child. Talk to her about how her lying makes you feel, how it affects your relationship with her, and what it might be like if family and friends stop trusting her.
• Always tell your child when you know for sure that he is not telling the truth. Your child needs to know that honesty is important to you. But try to avoid asking him all the time if he is telling the truth.
• It might seem like no matter what you do, your child keeps lying. Stick with it! Research says that it’s not until children are seven or older that their parents’ efforts pay off. Children whose parents discipline them for lying and praise them for telling the truth lie less as they grow up.
• Stay involved in your child’s life and encourage her to be truthful with you. Children of all ages who have good communication with their parents and talk with them about what they’re doing are less likely to engage in antisocial behaviour.
  

Certainly there are times when a child is very young that certain information can be harmful to her. Details about horrific events or deaths of loved ones can cause some trauma in your child. Parents need to use their best judgment regarding what their child can and cannot handle. However, parents should avoid keeping details from her just because they don’t want to have to deal with the pain she might feel from the news. With each challenging event that parents take head on, offering the encouragement their child needs will help her grow emotionally stronger. Then, when the most difficult realities of life hit her, she will be prepared to face them.

Benefits of baby massage

What are the benefits of baby massage? Stroking and caressing your baby is instinctive. Who can resist those tiny, tender toes or that fine, silky skin, let alone the delicious smell of a newborn? It is no accident that babies are designed this way - research studies show that loving touch has profound effects on infant development.

Just a little time each day can help your baby become calmer and happier, with fewer stress hormones and healthier immune function as massage releases endorphins, those 'feel good' hormones that help us all reduce stress. Baby massage could also make your child smarter: as well as stimulating your baby's nervous system and encouraging brain development, studies have shown that babies with lower levels of cortisol (a stress hormone) in their blood do better at mental and motor ability tests.

There is good news for tired mums too: a few simple strokes can lull your baby into a deeper, more restful sleep. Perhaps one of the most significant benefits of baby massage is that it incorporates all the important elements of being a parent:

• child bonding,
• skin contact,
• eye contact,
• hearing your voice,
• experiencing a focused response.
  
  

The benefits of infant massage are many, here are just some:

• It is fun and enjoyable for both baby and parent.
• Helps both baby and parent to relax.
• Encourages baby to sleep deeper and longer.
• Improves colic and constipation and calms irritable babies.
• Establishes a close, loving communication and relationship with your baby.
• Provides opportunity for fathers to spend quality time with their babies.
• Strokes can be adapted for use on babies and children with special needs to help them reach their potential.
• Massage can also be adapted for use with children of all ages. Babies and children who are massaged regularly are more likely to have a secure relationship with parents and so tend to have better relationships with others, both as children and adults.
• Supports your baby’s ability to full fill their individual developmental potential. Massage does this by supporting maturation of the nervous system, in turn assisting brain/body communication.
  
  
  Baby massage also:
  
  
  -     Relieves physical and emotional stress in your baby. Babies who have had invasive procedures (eg. medical care) and/or separation from family, a difficult birth or other event may carry anxiety about / or expressed through touch. Focused time during massage, ‘listening’ to your baby and approaching the massage with respect and sensitivity, can help to heal fear and rebuild trust and enjoyment of the ‘skin’ they live in.
  
  
  -     Massage may pave a smoother path through childhood illnesses because it supports a healthy immune system. Massage does this by assisting efficient circulation of blood and lymph around the body and also by engendering feelings of happiness!
  
   -    Massage is a great way to let your baby know they are loved and cherished.