Child refuses to do homework?

Do you get into a fight over homework with your child every night? So many parents say that this is one of their top struggles with their children. If you're dealing with this now, you probably dread saying the words, "Time to do your homework," because you know what's coming next... Even though you reason, lecture, nag and yell, nothing seems to change — and each night turns into a battle with no victors.

 
They don't call it "homework" for nothing
Here’s something I learned along the way: homework is work, and there’s no getting around that fact. It’s a chore for both the child and parent. It's important to understand that schoolwork is often the most difficult part of your child’s busy schedule. Helping your children manage it despite all the other activities they would rather be doing can be challenging at best. Remember that it’s your child’s job to go to school and learn (including getting homework completed) and your job to provide for your children, run the house and offer love and guidance.
I know from experience how easy it is to get caught up in power struggles over homework. These struggles begin for several reasons, but the most common one is because your child would rather be relaxing, playing or doing almost anything else. Know that if you deal with their frustration by losing it and getting mad out of your own frustration, it will be a losing battle. Some children are even able to manipulate parents this way, because they know the battle over homework may result in your giving up on expectations to get it done.
Here's the truth: letting your child off the hook for their work will ultimately create problems in their lives. Instead, focus on the fact that as a parent, you need to teach your child how to follow through on expectations and be accountable. All the more reason to take control and make homework just another part of your child’s daily responsibilities.
Here’s my advice for reducing homework hassles in your home:


Stay calm
Try to avoid losing your cool and yelling and screaming, arguing about the right answer for the math problem, ignoring the homework altogether or being inconsistent with what you expect, being overly critical, or giving up and just doing the work for your child. The first step is to try to stay as calm as you can. If you get frustrated and start screaming at your child, this sets a negative tone and is likely not going to help them get the work done. 

Set clear expectation around homework time and responsibilities
Let your children know that you expect them to get the work done on time and to the best of their abilities; the most important thing is that they try their best. Set aside the same time each afternoon or evening for them to do their work. Understand that children are all different in how they feel about and approach homework. Some may find English easy, but get really frustrated with math. Another may have no patience when it comes to writing. It’s important to know your child: their strengths and struggles, and how they learn. Some children need small breaks throughout a session, while others may need the task to be broken down into smaller pieces and then varied. While there are some children and teens who are self-directed and able to complete homework without assistance, most require some type of guidance and/or monitoring, depending on their age. This makes it especially challenging for parents, because it means you need to perform different functions with each child you have, depending on their needs. 


Advices:

1. Have a relationship with your child’s teacher.
   Try your best to build a good relationship with your child's teacher. Start off at the beginning of the school year and stay in touch as the year progresses. Your relationship with your child's teachers will pay off during the good times as well as the challenging times. 
   
   
2. Play the parental role most useful to your child.
   Some children need a tutor; others need more hands-on guidance to complete tasks. Try to match your help with what is most needed. Remember also that your child is doing the homework as a school assignment. The teacher will ultimately be the judge of how good or bad, correct or incorrect the work is. You're not responsible for the work itself, your responsibility is to guide your child. You can always make suggestions, but ultimately it’s your child’s responsibility to do his or her assignments, and the teacher’s job to grade them. 
   
   
3. Keep activities similar with all your kids.
   If you have several children, have them all do similar activities during homework time. Even if one child has less homework or finishes more quickly, they need to be respectful of their siblings by doing quiet, non-disruptive activities. 
   
   
4. Set up a structured time and place for homework.
   Choose a time and place and stick to a routine as much as possible. Consider adding in break times for children with shorter attention spans. They might work on their spelling words for 15 minutes, and then take a 5 minute break, for example. Keep the house generally quiet for everyone during homework time—turn off the TV. Make sure your children have a “space” for doing their work. For some children this will mean a large work space like a kitchen table to spread out their papers and books, and for others it may mean a small quiet area in their room. 
   
   
5. Start early.
   Start early with your young children setting up “homework” time, even if it’s just some quiet reading time each night. This helps get them used to the expectation of doing some “homework” each night and will pay off as the actual work gets harder and more time-consuming.

6. Choose the best person for the job
   If you are part of a couple, consider that one of you might be better at “teaching” and then let that person take on the homework monitoring responsibilities. It will likely help the routine become more consistent and effective for your child. If you are a single parent, you might have a friend or family member who would consider helping your child from time to time. 
   
   
7. Offer empathy and support.
   If your child is really struggling, give them some support and guidance and show some empathy. Kids are expected to do some difficult work, and your child may sincerely be struggling with it. If you have a child who is really having a hard time, it's important to have communication with the teacher to see if this is typical for all kids, or if it's unique to your child. If your child also has these problems in class, know that there are different approaches to helping them learn that can be useful. The teacher may recommend some testing to see if there are learning problems. While this can be hard to hear as a parent - as if something is wrong with your child – it’s important to find out how your child learns best and what your teacher and you can do to support their learning style. 
   
   
8. Use positive reinforcement and incentives.
   It’s always important to reinforce positive behaviour, and that may mean offering some kind of incentive for completing homework or getting good grades. Most children get personal satisfaction out of getting good grades and completing their work, and that’s what we’re aiming for. But, it’s also helpful to offer some incentives to encourage them. Rather than money, I would recommend offering rewarding activities for your child’s academic successes. This could include going shopping for some “goodie” the child has really wanted or spending special time with a parent. These things can become more meaningful than money for most children and they get to experience their parent in a loving, supportive and reinforcing role.
   

Let the responsibility to complete it — and the consequences for failing to do so — lie with them. If your child gives up and refuses to finish an assignment, don't take it as a personal affront.

Most children will never really “enjoy” homework, and for some it will always be a struggle. Our children all have different strengths and abilities, and while some may never be excellent students, they might be great workers, talented artists, or thoughtful leaders. While it would be easier if all children were self-motivated students who came home, sat down and dug into their homework, this just isn’t going to be the case with most children. 

Our role is to guide our children, support them through the challenging tasks, and teach them about personal responsibility.