Sensitive children

Do you have a sensitive child? A child who takes everything you or others say to heart; a child who worries too much, particularly about things that are out of their control.  Sensitive children worry what others think of them. They can sense danger well before others and they see the consequences of behaviours well before their peers. Is this sensitivity nature or nurture? 

 

Seeing both sides

Sometimes parents say something without thinking, or a friend will ignore them for a whole day for no other reason than they were self-centred. Sensitive children take these matters to heart. They can think too much and read too much into simple situations. That's why sensitive children can become anxious, shy or both.

If you have a sensitive child, you need to see and appreciate both their sides. The side we often see is the shy, inhibited, fearful worrier. The flip side is that sensitive children are generally kind, empathetic, intuitive and usually creative.

Recent research into the area of children's sensitivity revealed that around 40 per cent of sensitive children experience some form of real anxiety.  The secret to the 60 per cent of children who don't experience anxiety are certain "protective" factors. The top of this list is parenting style. Sensitive children benefit from having an optimistic, resilient parent who supports them but doesn't allow them to take themselves too seriously. It also helps if parents can encourage their child to take risks socially.

 Who’s at risk?

 

Genetics certainly plays a big part in increasing the risk of sensitivity and anxiety in children.  Children, who at a young age show high levels of anxiety and who also have a parent who is anxious or depressed, are seven to 11 times more likely to develop anxiety. 

Children who might be at higher risk of becoming excessively anxious are those more sensitive, shy or withdrawn children.  They’re more likely to be negative and will tend to avoid participating in many activities because of fear. 

Understanding

 

One of the main messages we like to convey to parents is that anxiety is not something to be scared of. It’s a normal emotion and an important part of how we engage with our world.  There are different types of childhood anxiety. Many children may show several features of these following descriptions and some may also struggle with feeling sad or depressed.

Children who worry that something bad will happen when separated from mum or dad. They often refuse to separate – that is, they won’t go to school, sleep over at friends’ houses, or be left at home with a sitter.

Children need a parent who gets across the message that there are unpleasant events, but they can cope with them. They need a parent who reinforces that the world is a great place and not full of uncertainty and danger.

It is good if parents are supportive; even better if a parent is resilient so that the sensitive child sees how to cope with some of life's hurts, rejections and disappointments. When sensitive children are raised in a balanced way, they are well placed to grow up to be happy, healthy, unusually well-adjusted and creative adults.