Raising confident children

One of the biggest building blocks for a successful, fulfilling life is confidence. It helps us set and achieve goals, try new things and meet new people. Confidence can be hard to develop, especially for children. If you give your children the right tools to cope with life's ups and downs, they will be much better equipped to build confidence and a belief in themselves.

Practice acceptance

Not all children are going to be the life of the party. Every child is different. Think about the fact that some children are introverted and some are not. There is room on the planet for both. If your child has only one friend, this doesn't necessarily mean he or she is lacking confidence. If they have one friend, you know they are capable of making friends. This is just their style of friendship. Some children are friends with the entire class, while others choose one person they feel close to. Try to avoid comparing your child's social behaviour to your own. Just because you have many friends and an active social calendar doesn't mean your child will be the same way.

Encourage rather than praise

Praising your children for an achievement, such as receiving an 'A' on a test or scoring a soccer goal, sounds like a good idea, but you are still judging even when judging favourably. When you praise your child, he or she is only being evaluated on the end product, not the effort put in to get there. In some cases, children can become afraid of losing their parent's love if they are not good enough.

Break things down into small tasks

There are ways around daunting tasks or taking on things that require a lot of confidence. Breaking something down, even something as simple as making the bed or tying shoes, can make children more capable of taking on new tasks.

Turn mistakes into opportunities to learn

Let's face it, we all make mistakes – big and small. But it's how we deal with them that really matters. The same applies to children. If your child spills a glass of milk, don't yell at them for making a mess or make them feel like they've done something terribly wrong. Instead, show them how to clean up the mess. This teaches them they are capable of taking control over a situation, even when things don't work out. See mistakes as opportunities to learn. Discuss the mistake and plan for minimizing the chances for it happening again. If children know mistakes aren't the end of the world, they will be less likely to avoid trying new things based on a fear of failure.

Help children develop skills

One of the biggest building blocks for self esteem lies in feeling capable. This is a big piece of the self-confidence puzzle. As soon as your child is old enough to brush their hair, dress themselves or cut their toast, let them do it by themselves. By doing everything for them, you aren't allowing them to develop skills or a belief that they can try new things. The more they do by themselves, the more confident in their own abilities they'll become.

Set a good example

Even if you are conscious about ensuring you do all of the above to help build and maintain a child's confidence, you also have to be conscious of how you react to your own mistakes. If your child sees you throw your hands up in frustration and beat yourself up after burning the lasagne, chances are, your children will pick up on this behaviour. Children learn by example and what you do and say when something goes wrong can influence how they handle similar situations. Try to turn your own mistakes and frustrations into learning experience for the whole family, rather than using to negative self-talk or anger. Always let children make mistakes and encourage them so they try again next time.

Be enthusiastic if your child is showing you a new skill

Help your child identify their unique qualities and strengths. Convey a message that you believe they can achieve success if they persist. Kids tend to live up to the expectations we set for them.

Spend time together

Spend time with them every day so they feel appreciated and loved. Give them your undivided attention, even for 10 minutes a day.

Be a positive role model. If you have confidence, it will rub off on your child.