Preschoolers - develop healthy eating habits

Many things influence what and how much your child eats.

• Eat together. Eat meals with your child whenever possible. Let your child see you enjoying fruits, vegetables, and whole grains at meals and snacks.
• Share the adventure. Be willing to try new foods, and try to buy new foods together.
• Cook together. Encourage your preschooler to help you prepare meals and snacks. Cooking together can mean more "mommy (or daddy) and me" time on busy days.
• Keep things positive. Discourage older children and other family members from making negative comments about unfamiliar foods. 

Offer your preschooler small, easy-to-eat amounts to make eating easy and more enjoyable.

• Use smaller bowls, plates, and utensils for your child to eat with.
• Don't insist that children finish all the food on their plate. Let your child know it's okay to only eat as much as he or she wants at that time.
• As children are able, allow them to serve themselves.

Help your children keep listening to their bodies as they grow. Children who "listen" to their own fullness cues stop eating when they feel full and are less likely to become overweight. Give your kids a chance to stop eating when they feel full, even if you think they aren't. They'll feel more independent and you'll help them keep a healthy weight.

• Let them learn by serving themselves. Let your children serve themselves at dinner. Teach them to take small amounts at first. Preschoolers can practice serving from small bowls that you hold for them.
• Avoid praising a clean plate. Your child should stop eating when he or she is full, rather than when the plate is clean.  Reward your child with attention and kind words, not food. Show your love with hugs and kisses.  Giving your child sweets when they feel sad or as a special treat can teach your child to eat when he or she is not hungry. This may cause your child to ignore body signals of fullness and overeat. Rewarding with sweets also lets your child think sweets or dessert foods are better than other foods. For example, telling your child "no dessert until you finish your vegetables" may make them like the vegetable less and the dessert more. 

• Involve your child in conversation:
  • What made you feel really happy today?
  • What did you have to eat at lunch today?
  • Tell me one thing you learned today.
  • What made you laugh today? 

Remember: picky eating is often temporary. If you don’t make it a big deal, it will usually end before school age. You can do many positive things to deal with picky eating and help your child learn to try new foods.

• Let your children pick out fruits and veggies at the store.
• Children like to try foods they help make. It's a great idea for helping your picky eater try fruits and vegetables. Children also learn about fruits and vegetables when they help make them. And all of that mixing, mashing and measuring makes them want to taste what they are making.
• Try to make meals a stress-free time. If arguments often happen at mealtimes, your preschooler may learn unhealthy attitudes toward food.

• Offer choices. Rather than asking "Do you want broccoli for dinner?" ask “Which would you like for dinner: broccoli or cauliflower?”
• Offer the same foods for the whole family. Do not make a different meal for your preschooler. Your child will be okay even if they don't eat a meal now and then.
• Make food fun! Get creative in the kitchen .
  

Picky eating is temporary and there are many things you can do to deal with picky eating in a positive way. One way is to make food fun! Get creative in the kitchen:

• Name a food your child helps create. Make a big deal of serving "Peter's Sweet Potatoes" for dinner.
• Cut a food into fun and easy shapes with cookie cutters.
• Encourage your child to invent and help prepare new snacks or sandwiches.
• Have your child make towers out of whole-grain crackers or make funny faces on a plate using different types of fruit.

Choose smart, fun snacks and meals:

• Bagel snake: Split mini bagels in half. Cut each half into half circles. Spread the halves with toppings like tuna salad, egg salad, or peanut butter. Decorate with sliced cherry tomatoes or banana slices. Arrange the half circles to form the body of a snake. Use olives or raisins for the eyes. .
• Smiley sandwiches: Top a slice of bread with peanut butter and use an apple slice for a smile and raisins for eyes.
  
• Potato face: Top half a small baked potato with eyes, ears, and a smile. Try peas for eyes, a halved cherry tomato for a nose, and a low-fat cheese wedge as a smile. Be creative, you'll be surprised at how many foods can turn into eyes, noses, and smiles!

In case you have a nanny, do not forget to insist on healthy eating habits!

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 English Governess | UK Governess | British Governess | Child Care 

Children and dogs: doing it right

When it comes to dogs and children, there's something special going on.

Thinking of getting a dog? You know your child wants a dog to play with but did you know that the love and companionship of a dog can have long lasting effects going far beyond their ability to entertain? 

 

There’s no doubt dogs are great companions for children − they provide unconditional love and in many cases, a whole lot of laughs. But when it comes to children, man’s best friend offers much more than simple friendship:

• Research has shown that children who spend time with dogs benefit both physically and emotionally.

• The current research into dog assisted therapy has turned the humble pet dog into an emotional, educational and physical resource. Everything from autism to reading ability has been tested with the use of therapy dogs. Excellent programs exist that have demonstrated a link between the interaction with dogs and improved social skills. This is mainly because a child who learns to care lovingly and patiently for an animal learns to treat people the same way.

• Scientists have found that if you grow up with a dog in the household you’re less likely to develop asthma and allergies later in life. Perhaps even more importantly, children with dogs are less likely to become overweight or obese.

• Owning a dog can also increase a child’s self-confidence and self-esteem and help prepare them for real-life scenarios such as illness and even death.  Dogs have the capacity to be great friends and they’re a lot of fun. They also boost morale and can teach children responsibility and respect for other living things. Those are all important life skills.

• Anyone who has owned a dog can attest to the relaxing effects of owning a pet. Studies have shown that petting an animal can reduce anxiety and tension. The companionship of a dog can also help children build self-esteem and ease social interactions.

• Dogs provide non-judgmental company and unwavering loyalty. To young children facing a world in which they are struggling to find their place a dog can help them develop a sense of themselves while also decreasing feelings of loneliness and encouraging empathy.

• Dogs demand a certain amount of physical play and care. Children may be more motivated to be physically active when they are with a dog than without.

The loss of a dog

Losing your best friend can be devastating, particularly for children and teenagers, but there are ways to soften the impact, if only a little. The first step is to be completely honest. If their pet is ill or nearing the end of its life, it’s best to be upfront and let your kids know. The same goes for when the pet does pass away. It’s important to be honest with children to avoid confusion, the loss of a pet is often the first experience a child has with death and how this situation is handled can impact on their future understanding of the dying process.

It’s also advisable to give your children the opportunity to grieve fully, even if they are very young. Let them ask questions and encourage them to talk as freely as possible about their pet and everything they loved about him or her. They may even like to draw pictures or place a framed photograph in a special place. If you're thinking about getting a new pet, at a short notice, a good place to start is on the RSPCA's rehoming website. You can search for the perfect pet from the hundreds of abandoned animals who are looking for a nice family to give them a home. The website also provides plenty of information on how to choose the right pet to suit you and your family.

Having a devoted dog in the home can contribute to a parent's efforts to raise their child into a caring and balanced adult.

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Two languages are better than one

Just like a fabric which is interwoven with intricate designs and vibrant colours so is our society made up of peoples from many cultures and languages. Our world has changed dramatically over the last few decades and is becoming fully interconnected. Succeeding in the 21st century will require new ways of thinking, strong language skills and an open mind. Bilingualism carries concrete advantages and improves abilities for children who grow up speaking a second language. More and more parents are eager to raise their children to be bilingual. They know what an important asset this ability will be for their children down the road—opening doors in higher education, the business world, politics,  science, the arts and many other fields. In a world that is only getting "smaller" or "flatter" as technology bridges nations, learning another language will give the children of today the preparation and the broader outlook they will need tomorrow.

Learning two languages

There are many reasons to teach children multiple languages when they’re young:

• Young children can pick up a new language faster and more easily than a teenager or an adult.
• A second language is a skill that allows a child to explore other cultures and communicate with more people – at home and abroad.
• The ability to speak more than one language can create broader opportunities for employment in the future.
  

But as the number of bilingual children has grown, so have the myths about how learning two languages affects children. Have you ever heard that bilingual children are more prone to using the wrong word? Or that bilingual children have trouble communicating in both languages? Do bilingual kids struggle more with reading and writing? Here are the facts:

• Research clearly shows from time to time, children might use a word from one language while speaking in another. But these moments of ‘language switching’ disappear after a few years, usually by age seven.
• Children can master more than one language at a time – it might just take a little longer. Learning one language is a big challenge for everyone. Learning a second set of words and grammar takes even more effort. The more children hear and use a language, the faster they’ll learn it.
• Exposure to more than one language at an early age doesn’t make it harder to read and write later. In fact, there’s some evidence that shows the opposite is true – that learning to read in one language helps a child learn to read in another.
• There’s another benefit to teaching children to speak more than one language at an early age. Some studies suggest that bilingualism might help children develop certain attention skills sooner. ‘Selective attention’ is the ability to focus on important details while ignoring distracting and misleading information. It’s something bilingual children do a lot as they learn to filter out words from one language when speaking in another.
  
• Bilingualism increases mental flexibility for children. Bilinguals will have two or more words for a single object, concept or idea.
  
• Bilingual children are more willing and able to learn a third language, and show an increased analytical orientation to language.
  
• Children who study a second language score higher on verbal standardized tests conducted in English. Bilingual children also perform better in math and logic skills than children with just one language.
  
• Learning a second language helps children build self-esteem, creativity, problem-solving skills, and math ability. Bilingual children maintain a strong sense of their own identity while developing sensitivity towards other people and cultures.
  
• Since bilinguals need to be aware of which language to speak in which situation, a bilingual child is more aware of the needs of the listener.
  

• In order to reap the full benefit of bilingualism, exposure to the second language should begin as early as possible. The chances of achieving full fluency in another language are much higher if study is begun during early childhood, since the human brain is wired to learn language during this critical period.  There’s growing agreement among researchers that learning two or more languages – while adding some specific challenges – doesn’t hurt a child’s development. In fact, it might help develop important mental skills and open up a world of opportunities later in life.

Overcoming challenges of learning two languages

As already mentioned, learning two languages requires more practice than learning one. And that leads to some potential challenges for children in bilingual households.

The first is that it might take more time to develop a large vocabulary in each of the languages. Studies have shown that bilingual children tend to have somewhat smaller vocabularies in each language than classmates who speak only one language. But the reason is simple – they need to learn new words in both languages, instead of just one. That doesn’t mean they know fewer words.

Some studies suggest that bilingual children actually have a larger overall vocabulary if you count the words they know in both languages. Over time, bilingual children catch up to their single-language peers, and most differences disappear by grade five.

Children are naturally open to language in a way that often amazes their parents. Less self-conscious and less anxious, they see a new language as a wide open field to do the things they already love to do—rhyme, make up words, create imaginary friends, try out funny sounds. We all could take a page from a child's ready sense of wonder and adventurousness. Praising the child when they hear the child speaking the second language may do wonders for the child's language ego.

At what age should children start?

Experts say that children should begin to learn a foreign language from a young age; the younger, the better. "A child is born with the ability to learn any language in the world," or "The older the child gets, certain windows close in terms of language acquisition, but so long as the child learns the language before puberty [age 12 or 13], the child should be able to speak with a native accent."

Helpful tips

Are you wondering how to help your child learn two languages? Here are some ideas to keep in mind.

• Give your child plenty of practice in both languages. Children need to hear and speak each language often to learn the words and grammar of both.
• CDs and DVDs don’t work as well as a real person using language in everyday situations such as playing, shopping or just talking. Hire bilingual child carer.
• Don’t be surprised if one language becomes stronger than the other. It’s common for one to become dominant, and it’s usually the one the child hears and uses most.
• Have patience with mistakes or language switching. This is a normal part of learning two languages. With more practice, these mistakes will fade.
  

Not only that people who speak a foreign language often enjoy better career prospects and higher standards of living but there are even health benefits -- recent research suggests that a second language also helps prevent dementia later in life.

A cognitive neuroscientist, Ellen Bialystok has spent almost 40 years learning about how bilingualism sharpens the mind. Her good news: among other benefits, the regular use of two languages appears to delay the onset of Alzheimer’s disease symptoms. There’s a system in your brain, the executive control system. It’s a general manager. Its job is to keep you focused on what is relevant, while ignoring distractions. It’s what makes it possible for you to hold two different things in your mind at one time and switch between them. It is brain exercise.

If you have two languages and you use them regularly, the way the brain’s networks work is that every time you speak, both languages pop up and the executive control system has to sort through everything and attend to what’s relevant in the moment. Therefore the bilinguals use that system more, and it’s that regular use that makes that system more efficient.

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The role of the Governess in the 19th century

Governesses played part in nineteenth century fiction, and there is an abundance of journals, letters, and memoirs to validate those many fictional representations with real-life experiences. Employed in England since the reign of the Tudors, the Governess was initially associated only with aristocratic houses; by the turn of the nineteenth century, however, changing economic conditions gave rise to increasing numbers of middle-class families who could afford Governess. Factory owners and businessmen began hiring Governesses for the education of their children—a visible sign of the economic and social success of the family. Indeed, retaining a Governess served as a status symbol, signifying the power and wealth of the family. A Governess also helped validate a family's membership in the ranks of the leisure class, a station characterized by the fact that the lady of the house was truly a woman of leisure. In the past, the upper middle-class mother had been responsible not only for household duties but also for the primary education of her children. However, by engaging a Governess, the Victorian mother freed herself of her primary obligation to her children and could concentrate on her philanthropic obligations.

In essence, there were three types of Governesses: a school teacher; a woman who resided at one place and traveled to another home to teach (a “daily governess”); and a woman who lived in a household in order to teach the children and serve as a companion to them (a “private governess”). Governess was responsible for the education of both boys and girls and among the duties was the teaching of reading and writing. A Governess would then teach the girls subjects as English, geography, history, singing, piano, drawing, and needlework. Having been further schooled in the fine arts of dancing, piano, and singing, the girls, by the ages of seventeen or eighteen, would then be ready for their social debut, at which point their adult lives (and the search for a suitable husband) began. Boys, on the other hand, typically left their Governess at the age of eight, when they entered a preparatory school. This was in keeping with the Victorian belief that the education of boys was of vital importance, based on their future roles as supporters of their own families. Girls had much less need for a formal education, since their prospects for marriage were based primarily on their personal fortunes and secondarily on their personal appearance and manners.

Above all, a good Governess had to be a lady herself, in order to instill in her students proper morals and values. Moreover, a Governess could not expect any affection from her students in return. In this way, the mother was not ousted from her role as the principal figure in her children's lives.

The yearly salary for a governess ranged from fifteen to one hundred pounds, the latter figure reflecting the wages of a very well-educated woman working for an extremely wealthy family. Although a private Governess was provided with food and shelter, she was expected to either buy or make her own clothes, keeping in mind that she was required to look presentable at all times in order to avoid shaming her employer. She was also expected to pay for her own medical care, travel expenses, and laundry, and she could expect no security of employment. In addition, Queen's College was established in 1848 in order to provide a formal education for Governesses and help raise their marketability. Choosing to leave behind the crowded market in England, many women emigrated to British colonies in South Africa, New Zealand, and Australia, as well as to Canada, the United States, India, and Russia, hoping to find employment as Governesses overseas.

Any flirtation or attraction between a gentleman and a Governess was strictly forbidden, and a Governess was obliged to downplay her own sexuality in order to avoid any misperceptions; as a result, the stereotype of the stern and strict Governess was quick to emerge. Despite this popular image, which indeed has its basis in fact, there were many examples of happy situations in which the Governess was respected and well-treated by her employers and was loved by her pupils.

Literature

Toward the end of the eighteenth century, the Governess began to appear in role as a character in literature, exemplified by Jane Austen's Emma (1815). Charlotte Brontë's Jane Eyre also appeared in 1847, and became a bestseller almost instantly. Critics have suggested that the rapidly increasing levels of literacy among women, combined with an intense interest in the uncertain status of unmarried middle-class Victorian women contributed greatly to the immense popularity of novels like Jane Eyre, The Professor, and Shirley, as well as Agnes Grey (1847) by Charlotte's sister Anne. The Brontës themselves were obliged to find means to support themselves when marriage eluded all three girls, and their father's clergyman salary was insufficient to provide for all three daughters. Charlotte, Anne, and Emily each received educations that prepared them to be teachers, and all three spent some time as Governesses.

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Should you leave your baby alone to 'cry it out?'

“Will it harm my baby if I leave him alone to cry?”

You will have read conflicting and contradictory advice and perhaps you also feel conflicted in yourself about whether or not your should leave your baby alone to cry. Perhaps you have heard the words, “Leave him to cry! It will do him no harm.” From a psychological point of view, it is better (for the most part) not to leave your baby alone to cry. I will first explain why this is so, and then I will go on to discuss the exceptions to this rule because sometimes you might find that you have little or no choice.

Babies cry for lots of different reasons, and there are many different levels of crying. Moaning or whimpering that doesn’t sound too urgent does not necessarily require your intervention. You could just keep an ear out and see if your baby manages to work things out for himself. But at other times it will be clear when your baby cries that she is stressed out. You will hear it in her voice, see it in her face and feel it in your heart. To ignore this kind of vigorous crying is not a good idea. It is your job to manage your baby’s stress levels and her emotions because she cannot yet manage them for herself.

Your baby has one fundamental and crucial psychological task that she needs to accomplish during her first year of life. That is, she needs to learn to trust. She needs to learn that the world is a safe place to be. If your baby learns this before the age of one year, she should be well on her way towards mental health. If your baby cries in a way that suggests she is stressed, that means she is feeling as though she is in danger. She might be feeling scared or lonely, hungry or tired, uncomfortable or in pain or any number of other things. The fact is that she isn’t yet able to make sense of what is troubling her or what could be done about it. Only you can help her work out what is wrong and give her some relief. That means, if she is tired for example, that you need to help her to understand that she is tired by doing whatever you can to facilitate her going to sleep. Soothing, rocking or just lying with her are some of the things you could try.

Babies have a need to be physically close to the person or people with whom they have a bond. Your baby will probably not be comfortable if she is alone for long. It is almost as though she has an instinctive knowledge that she cannot survive without a mother or a substitute mother to protect her and to feed and nurture her. From an evolutionary perspective, this makes sense. Parents have always protected their babies from predators and other harmful eventualities. So to expect your baby to manage on her own without you for longer than a few minutes is not realistic. Leaving your baby alone when she is crying will probably escalate her stress considerably because not only is she uncomfortable, but she is alone in her discomfort. For a baby, that is terrifying.

Stressed out babies who are not responded to with love, comfort and support by their caregivers, are more likely to be highly stressed throughout their lives. Loads of research, particularly in the area of medically based infant brain research, is now showing that uncomforted distress during infancy may cause damage to a child’s developing brain. A person’s brain is literally shaped by early experiences. High levels of stress during infancy triggers the stress response, known as the hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal axis. Increased cortisol and other stress hormones because of frequent, severe stress during the first year of life have been associated with elevated responses to stress later in life. That means that seemingly unthreatening, innocuous events and situations during adulthood will be experienced as stressful for people who were highly stressed during infancy.

Crying is a sign of hope

Don’t think that if your baby cries a lot, she is psychologically unhealthy. Psychologists have come to realize that a crying baby is often more psychologically healthy than a quiet baby who “never cries”. The reason is partly that babies cry to protest against something that is difficult, uncomfortable or painful. This healthy response suggests that the baby hopes that if he shouts loudly enough, someone will help him out of his bad situation. There are some babies who do not cry, or who cry very little, even though they are in severe distress. Sadly, these babies may have reached a level of despair that has caused them to give up looking for help. They have realized that either no-one is coming or no-one is going to be able to rescue them. They do not believe that things could be better. Perhaps they have never experienced happiness, comfort or the absence of pain.

If you ignore your baby’s cries for help often enough or for long enough, she may well stop crying. This will have given you the impression that leaving her alone to cry has “worked”. To a certain extent, you might be right in that perhaps she has learnt to find a way to comfort herself. This may indeed have helped her to become more independent. But trust, not independence, is the psychological task that babies need to accomplish during the first year of life. The danger of leaving your baby alone to cry is that the real lesson you will teach her is that you are not going to be there for her when she needs you. She will learn that she can’t trust you. She may feel abandoned and afraid and not yet ready to face difficult situations (like being alone in the dark) without you. Ultimately, this is not in the interests of her future mental health.

It seems that the ability to cry out is a valuable and important asset. A baby who cries is asking for help and expressing her pain and anguish. To ignore that and turn your back on it doesn’t make sense.

The exception to the rule

Your baby needs you to be psychologically together enough to take care of her, both physically and mentally. Sleep deprivation can be grueling, and it can make a mother or a father feel so shattered and fragile that she or he cannot function as a parent or in the outside world. New parents usually are sleep deprived and exhausted but perhaps you have gone beyond your own limits. At this point, you might make the decision to leave your baby alone to cry. I believe that this is acceptable as a compromise. It is not ideal or first prize for your baby, but neither is having parents who have tipped over the edge of sanity into a very dark place where they can no longer be sensitive parents to their baby. Spending hours and hours with a crying baby can evoke all kinds of aggressive and hostile feelings in you. Hopefully you will have someone to take her from you, but perhaps you don’t. You might also struggle to hand your baby over, as it can feel as though you are the only person who would be able to stop her from crying. But often the hand-over is highly effective in helping babies to calm down. Consider that option before you leave her alone to cry. A granny, a neighbor, a spouse or a friend may have more resources than you at the moment because they haven’t been worn down as you have been by the relentless demands of an unhappy baby. Take the opportunity to get their help if you can.

In conclusion, it is a fact that being a parent can at times be a grueling task. But the same goes for being a baby. My suggestion about leaving your baby alone to cry is that if you have the strength, don’t do it. Only leave your baby alone to cry if you cannot manage the stress and the exhaustion any longer and you believe that your baby will be better off in that moment alone in her distress. But if you are finding yourself doing this a lot, consider getting help for yourself. Either get support from your spouse, family or friends or pay someone to help you out at home. Professional maternity nurse will be a huge benefit even for a short time period!

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The most important hire

An overworked-parents' guide to getting a great nanny.

 

You're working even harder in the recession, but you have kids to raise too.

While computers, smart phones and other gadgets have made us more productive, there just aren't enough hours in the day to do it all.

Finding a good nanny takes time, diligence and a little bit of cash - all worth the investment in the long run. The good news is that, in a recession, there's more talent to choose from.

Once you've decided to hire a childcare professional, you need to narrow down exactly what you expect her or him to do. Are you looking for a part-time or full-time employee? Do you want the person to live in your home? Will she or he be traveling with the family? Will there be any additional responsibilities outside of child care, such as laundry, cooking or shopping?

I spoke to one mother recently who wanted to know if it would be appropriate to ask her current nanny to start taking on some house cleaning, allowing her to let go of her cleaning lady and save some money. Generally speaking, that's something that should be worked out in advance. And any nanny with a university degree is going to hesitate to clean beyond messes made by the children. What is fair game? Light housework, like the children's laundry, meal preparation and tidying up bedrooms and playroom.

Word-of-mouth referrals are always nice, but they may not do the trick. Nanny agencies charge a finder's fee, but they will provide suitable candidates within a week or two.

If your budget is tight, you could always run your own advertisement in a local newspaper for a smaller fee than going through an agency. The downside: Running an ad will attract all sorts of candidates, whereas agencies offer "pre-screened, ready-to-go nannies".

When evaluating candidates' qualifications, look for experience over a formal degree in early childhood education. At a minimum, you'll want your nanny to be certified in CRB and first aid.

Next comes the interviewing process, which has several components.

The first meeting should take place without the children present. Ask about the candidate's experience, schedule flexibility and any heath-related issues that could hinder performance. The second meeting is often a "working interview," in which parents pay the nanny to watch the children for a few hours or a full day while they observe. The final meeting can cover a range of issues, from holidays to salary.

Even if you think you've found a perfect fit, don't go on instinct alone. Before you trust a nanny with your children, do a background check to ensure that their story adds up. Agencies earn their fees, in part, by doing such pre-screening including the criminal-history searches which will make the process easier.

Once you're satisfied with your selection, put together a written work agreement that covers daily responsibilities, holidays, overtime compensation and salary. To determine the appropriate salary, consider the cost of living in your area, the number of children the nanny will be caring for and the responsibilities you'll be asking of the person, including overnight care, housework and daily errands. Full time nannies earn between £250 and £450+ per week. Of those responsible for overnight care, vast majority receive additional compensation. Of those who travel with the family, again, nannies receive additional pay arranged in advance.

One last step: make sure your new nanny is covered under your homeowner's insurance policy in case of an accident in your home or on your property.

The most common mistake parents make when hiring a nanny is "not being specific enough about their expectations." If you want the nanny to take holiday at the same time you do, come clean; likewise, if taking children to school is part of the role, establish the specific means of transportation ahead of time: "Absolutely all contract details should be worked out in advance."

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Effective discipline for children

The word discipline means to impart knowledge and skill – to teach.

 

Goals of effective discipline

Discipline is the structure that helps the child fit into the real world happily and effectively. It is the foundation for the development of the child’s own self-discipline. Effective and positive discipline is about teaching and guiding children, not just forcing them to obey. As with all other interventions aimed at pointing out unacceptable behaviour, the child should always know that the parent loves and supports him or her. Trust between parent and child should be maintained and constantly built upon.

Parenting is the task of raising children and providing them with the necessary material and emotional care to further their physical, emotional, cognitive and social development.

Disciplining children is one of the most important yet difficult responsibilities of parenting, and there are no shortcuts. Teaching about limits and acceptable behaviour takes time and a great deal of energy.

The goal of effective discipline is to foster acceptable and appropriate behaviour in the child and to raise emotionally mature adults. A disciplined person is able to postpone pleasure, is considerate of the needs of others, is assertive without being aggressive or hostile, and can tolerate discomfort when necessary.

The foundation of effective discipline is respect. The child should be able to respect the parent’s authority and also the rights of others. Harsh discipline such as humiliation (verbal abuse, shouting, name-calling) will also make it hard for the child to respect and trust the parent.

Thus, effective discipline means discipline applied with mutual respect in a firm, fair, reasonable and consistent way. The goal is to protect the child from danger, help the child learn self-discipline, and develop a healthy conscience and an internal sense of responsibility and control. It should also instill values.

One of the major obstacles to achieving these goals is inconsistency, which will confuse any child, regardless of developmental age. It can be particularly hard for parents to be consistent role models.

Discipline is about changing behaviour, not about punishing children. Discipline allows children to develop self-discipline, and helps them become emotionally and socially mature adults.

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