Benefits of Baby Swim

In what other medium are you able to bond face to face, skin to skin and share the joy of learning together? A very special time and a special place for you and your child.

Parents are often drawn to the obvious benefits that swimming lessons can offer their children, but many feel unsure at what age they should start. It is natural to feel some caution. Parents might question how children learn to swim when they are so young and what type of activities they will be involved in. It’s important to remember that before birth, infants were immersed in a fluid environment inside their mother’s womb. So, we aren’t really talking about when to “introduce” a child to the water, but rather, when to “reintroduce” them to the element that they called home for close to nine months.

For most parents, the family bath is probably the best and most convenient place to continue developing the affinity that many newborns have with water. This can begin once the baby is home and the umbilical cord has healed. 

The baby doesn’t even need to go under water at this early stage. Using a secure and gentle hold let them feel the buoyancy and the movement of the water over their skin. These early bath experiences should be free from stress and a lovely way to build rapport with the water. This is a special time for parent and baby and can allow additional bonding, even for dad. Using a flannel and eventually a cup, the baby can be introduced to the sensation of water on their face. Starting from just a few months of age, lays a great foundation for joining a regular swim program later on.

So, when should ‘formal’ lessons start? There are a few different guidelines and opinions. However, most of recommendation states that infants can start a formal program at 4 months of age. Some of the reasons for waiting until 4 months are to allow a medical history to develop, allow the infant’s immune system to strengthen and allow bonding to occur with the primary caretaker. After 4 months, lessons in a gentle and developmentally appropriate program can, be started right away.

Early swimming fosters a growing sense of self-esteem, confidence and independence. As a child’s ability to freely move through the water increases so does their sense of well-being . Early swim lessons set a positive foundation towards a lifetime of participation and enjoyment in a variety of water sports and aquatic venues on, in and under the water.

Researchers have documented that the stimulating effect of infant/toddler swimming lessons has the potential to increase intelligence, concentration, alertness, and perceptual abilities. Improvement in social, emotional and physical development has also been published. Of course, the manifestation of such inspired cognitive, personal and motor development takes time, patience and repetition. These babies eventually become extremely peaceful and relaxed in the water.

Water is a healer, its caressing and stimulating effect on children with special needs is most remarkable. Its buoyancy is like an invisible helping hand. Zero gravity allows for freedoms that do not exist on the dry land. Optimal learning conditions, combined with kindness and patience can even release a withdrawn or hurting child from their shell. Also, over the years, we have discovered that autistic infants, babies, toddlers and their parents find the nurturing swimming experience to be an engaging, calming and positive environment for developing and interacting. 

 

In our society of increasingly sedentary lifestyles, it is important for children to be involved in physical activities that establish a routine of fitness. Swimming offers one of the best activities for good health with minimal risk of sport related injury. In fact, swimming is a great activity that can last a lifetime. People of almost all ages and physical ability enjoy exercise, recreation and sport in the water. And, with infants there is the added benefit of enhancing and stimulating their general development. For parents involved in the water with their children, the close physical contact and quality time helps strengthen the natural bond like no other environment.

Physical activities like swimming have been shown to improve many areas of a child’s development including academic performance, language, maths, fine and gross motor skills, confidence and coordination. Getting a good start can make a big difference later on.

Ultimately, the learning experience should be an enjoyable one. If children have a great time at the pool they will continue learning in their lessons because they are so much fun. The main benefits are:

• Babies can exercise more muscles in the water, they are less restricted by gravity and their ability to sit or stand. This increased strength often manifests itself in early acquisition of physical skills like walking.

• Swimming improves babies cardiovascular fitness. Although babies are limited in how much they can improve their endurance, swimming does have a beneficial effect.

• Early mastery of water movements gives children a head start in learning basic swimming skills.

• Water helps improve co-ordination and balance by forcing babies to move bilaterally to maintain their equilibrium.

• Warm water combined with gentle exercise relaxes and stimulates babies appetites. They usually eat and sleep better on swimming days.

• Doctors often recommend swimming as the exercise of choice for asthmatics. For many asthmatics, exercise produces bronchial hyperactivity. Swimming stimulates less wheezing than other forms of exercise, possibly because the warm, moist air around pools is less irritating to the lungs.

• Babies flourish in the focused attention their parents lavish on them during swimming.

• As babies learn how to move in the water on there own their independence and self-confidence blossom.

• Swimming provides babies with lots of skin-to-skin contact with their parents that psychologists say may deepen the bond between parent and child.

• Learning to swim is not only fun, healthy activity but a safety measure as well.
  

So, parents, take it slow, have fun, enjoy the journey - the pay off is for life!

Teach your child resilience

As a parent, your first instinct is to protect your children from, well, everything. If I keep them safe, you reason, they’ll be fine. Unfortunately, this may not be the case. In protecting them from everything, you may be stopping them from learning one of life’s most important skills: resilience.

Majority will define resilience as the ability to bungee jump through the pitfalls of life. It sounds simple but the fact is that there’s been a lot of talk among experts of late that this generation of kids is lacking resilience. Why? Children today live in uncertain times along with the rest of us. The world’s more complex and adult worries are pressing their way down on to children. All the more reason to teach our children to rise about the rough stuff. And the good news about resilience is that it can be taught. 

• Where do I start? 

Parents play a substantial role in the development of resilience in their children. The following tips outline the most effective things you can do to raise resilient children.

• Responsibility 

Parents need to take more responsibility: it’s your responsibility as a parent to teach your child life skills! You can’t hand that over to someone else. If you want your child to be polite, it’s your job to teach them. One such skill is developing a sense of humour – can they laugh at themselves? Do they feel free to tell you when they’ve made a mistake? Mistakes are a sign of learning. Teach them that and how to laugh about it later. 

• Independent Thinking 

Sense of belonging is critical for resilience - as a general rule of thumb, it’s good for parents to say that they’re not going to do things for the child that the child can do for him or herself. If they come home from school and are having a problem with friends, ask them what they could do to change the relationship. Guide them – don’t try to solve it! 

• Listen with your heart 

Listening is one of the most important ways that we can build resilience. Rather than operating on ‘auto-parent’ we will help our children know they are important by giving them our undivided attention. Children feel validated and worthy when we listen to them. While children are upset, sensitive listening provides emotional first aid. Listening with your heart allows you to be empathic, take your child’s perspective, or see the world through his or her eyes. 

• See the world through your child’s eyes 

Imagine you had a difficult day. It wasn’t a catastrophic day, but some of your plans failed to materialise into reality. When you explained things to your spouse the response you received was, “Oh well, I guess you’ll just have to try harder again tomorrow.” While this response may be correct, it is unlikely to help you feel any better. Likewise, giving advice when children are upset just makes them feel frustrated, or foolish. When they tell you they feel sad, saying “Cheer up, you’ll be ok. There’s no reason to feel like that” will undermine their feelings, make them question their worth. Instead, reflect their emotions and avoid advice or lectures. “I can see it’s been a tough day for you today.” “Wow, that must have made you feel really disappointed.” When they know you understand them, ask them how they think you can help. Let them strategise the most effective way to overcome their challenges and support them in their decisions or guide them toward appropriate actions. 

• Accept your children for who they are 

Your child is likely to be resilient if she feels accepted for who she is. To really accept our children for who they are we must resist the temptation to judge and criticise. Continual fault-finding is a sure-fire way to create questions about self-worth in children. Additionally, children who are consistently criticised will start to wonder about their relevance. In contrast, children whose parents affirm their children’s efforts feel useful. When children are validated they feel worthy and acceptable as people. Letting children know specifically what you love about them or why you are proud of them can bolster resilience. “I am so proud to be your mum. The way you treated the children outside the school this afternoon made me feel like the luckiest mum in the world!” Remember, be specific. And avoid general praise such as “You’re such a good boy.” But when we let our children know we accept and love them, and offer them specifics, they feel like they can conquer anything! Our children don’t need to ‘fixed’ as much as they need to be loved. 

• Develop strengths 

One of the best things for promoting resilience is a belief that we are competent and able to complete difficult challenges. Parents who identify their children's strengths and help them develop those strengths will see their children become increasingly competent. Their children will experience success. They will be inspired and confident. They will gain a sense that they have something to offer the world. Your child may possess strengths in relationships, academics, music, sport, creativity, or any number of other areas. By developing those strengths, competence, and confidence will build resilience in your child.

• Teach that mistakes are an opportunity to learn

When you make a mistake, what do you do? Are you likely to throw your hands in the air and say it’s too hard? Do you give up and go back to what you know you can do? Or do you see the mistake as a chance to learn something new, and try again? When your children make a mistake, what do they do? And perhaps more importantly, what do you say to them? By teaching our children that continued effort, practice, and learning are the keys to success, setbacks are no longer seen as frightening, and children become more resilient – willing to take risks and try new things. They are also more likely to look forward to possibilities in the future and have a more optimistic and curious nature. This mindset is strongly linked to resilience. 

• Teach your children to make their own decisions

When our children struggle, we often want to tell them what to do to fix things. Constantly making decisions for our children can undermine their decision making skills and confidence. When you child is faced with a problem, listen with your heart. Then see the world through his eyes. When he feels understood, ask the question: “What do YOU think we should do?” Let your child know that you are willing to help and support. Then invite him or her to make a decision, and be supportive. If a decision is poor, offer gentle guidance or ask, “I wonder what might happen if we did that.” As your child thinks through the various possibilities, he will gain confidence in making his own decisions following challenging situations.

Children who are resilient do better than children who are not resilient. Their parents use the skills outlined above to foster resilience, and as a result resilient children:

• feel special and appreciated
• learn to set realistic goals
• have appropriate expectations of themselves
• and others believe they can solve problems and make good decisions
• see weaknesses as a chance to learn and do things better
• recognise, develop, and enjoy their strengths and talents
• believe they are competent are comfortable with others
• have good interpersonal skills
• and most of all, resilient children bounce back!
  

5 Reasons to Choose a Girls' School

Many parents believe that girls learn differently from boys and that a daughter will flourish at girls’ school more than at a coeducational school. Here are five reasons to consider when choosing a boarding school for your daughter.

1. She will have fewer distractions

It’s obvious but the inherent distractions which occur when you mix adolescent boys and girls together in a coeducational school just do not happen in a girls' school. There will be time enough later for the distractions boys provide. Fewer distractions mean your daughter can focus on her education, enjoying sport and other activities and finding out who she is.

2. She will benefit from teachers who specialise in teaching girls

Teachers in a girls' school are there because they believe in single gender education. They appreciate how girls learn and they understand the nurturing and encouragement a girl needs in order to achieve her full potential.

3. She will benefit from a focussed educational environment

The sole focus of a girls’ school is on meeting the needs of the girls rather than boys and girls.

4. Her career aspirations will be encouraged not discouraged

Your daughter will be encouraged to be all she can be at a girls’ school. She will be encouraged to learn she can do anything and achieve everything – even becoming the president of a multi-national company or the president of a country.

5. "When girls go to single gender schools, they stop being the audience and become the players." - Robin Robertson

This is one of the most compelling reasons for choosing a single gender school for your daughter.

5 Reasons to Choose a Boys' School

Countries like England have a long tradition of boys’ schools and today many parents would rather have their sons educated at single gender schools because they believe their boys will be more focussed on their education without the distraction of girls.

1. Boys learn differently from girls

There is a recognized body of research to support the fact that boys learn differently from girls. Teachers in a boys' school understand how boys learn and create teaching programmes to get the best out of their male pupils.

2. The focus is entirely on interests of boys

When teachers don't have to take girls into consideration, the curriculum, lessons and events can focus solely on the needs of boys. Boys enjoy different activities from girls so a boys’ school can focus exclusively on activities that appeal to young men.

3. The social pressures are less

Boys mature later than girls so learning can be structured to enable them to better cope with academic and social pressures.

4. Boys become comfortable with non-traditional activities

In a coeducational school, boys will often shy away from activities such as choir, drama and music because they might not be considered macho-enough. In a boys' school, young men feel less embarrassed and are more willing to participate in all activities.

5. Boys learn that there are many routes to manhood

At a single gender school, boys often find it easier to develop bonds of friendship, teamwork and social interaction with other males.

Girls, however, are not out of the picture completely. Typically a boys' school will have an established relationship with a nearby girls’ school allowing supervised activities involving both sexes.

7 Ways to Raise Global Child

 

Today's children are growing up in a globalized world. But how do you teach them to embrace and thrive among the planet's many cultures — from London to Tokyo?

Travel is an obvious answer, but far-flung trips may not figure into your vacation budget. Raising global children doesn't have to break the bank or feel like another task for your to-do list. Instead, make it a fun exploration and a unique opportunity to learn, enjoy, explore, and grow. Here are seven ways to get started:

1. "See" the World — At Home

Hang a world map in a high-traffic spot so children get familiar with (and curious about) country and city names, locations, cultures, and languages. Place a globe where they can reach it and they're sure to spin it and imagine far-off places. Consider other decorative items that have a global connection. Look for picture books that feature houses, gardens, recipes, or sports in far-off places. Do you have examples of foreign currency? 

2. Talk It Up

International news reports are full of difficult subjects, but you can find gentler ways to start a conversation. Perhaps a friend has an ethnic celebration coming up or children from another country have just enrolled at your child's school. Brazil, India, or China? Find those places on your map and talk about what life might be like there. You don't have to be an expert. Just your sincere interest serves as a powerful example that you care about the larger world.

3. Let Music Send a Message

You don't need to stop what you're doing to declare "Now we're going to listen to world music!" Just slip it into your music rotation. Dance to it while making dinner, listen while driving, or turn on a soothing selection at bedtime. 

4. Spice Up Family Movie Night

Try a family-friendly foreign film, especially those told from a child's point of view. Where would you like to go tonight — Mongolia, Italy, or Argentina?

5. Give Gifts of the World

Handmade art and crafts make terrific gifts. It's even better when you know the artisan benefited directly from the sale. Consider holiday, and birthday presents from a fair-trade store in your town or online. Children can find meaning and pride in a purchase that connects them to the bigger world.

6. Dip Into a Foreign Language

Find out if your child's school teaches any foreign languages. Can you support the effort or help get a program started? At home, try online learning programs and language software. 

7. Set Out to Serve

Offer your time and resources to make a difference. It cultivates empowerment, motivation, and a sense of global connection. Where to start? Talk to local people already engaged in service. A global perspective can begin a family adventure that connects us with diverse communities and helps us see beyond our immediate circumstances. It also prepares your children to succeed in an interconnected economy and society. Locally and globally, it's a win-win-win situation.

Reading Books to Babies

Thomas loves books. His mother knows this because when she sits down to read to him every night, he waves his arms excitedly. His favourite page of "Goodnight Moon" shows a cow jumping over the moon. He reaches for the book every time he sees it. When she is done reading, his mother usually lets him hold the board book, which he promptly sticks into his mouth. Thomas is only 6 months old, but he is already well on his way to becoming a reader.

Why Read to My Baby?

You may wonder about the benefits of reading to your baby. An infant won't understand everything you're doing or why. But you wouldn't wait until your child could understand what you were saying before you started speaking to him or her, right? And you wouldn't bypass lullabies until your baby could carry a tune or wait until he or she could shake a rattle before you offered any toys. Reading aloud to your baby is a wonderful shared activity you can continue for years to come — and it's an important form of stimulation.

Reading aloud:

• teaches a baby about communication,
• introduces concepts such as stories, numbers, letters, colours, and shapes in a fun way,
• builds listening, memory, and vocabulary skills,
• gives babies information about the world around them.
  

Believe it or not, by the time babies reach their first birthday they will have learned all the sounds needed to speak their native language. The more stories you read aloud, the more words your child will be exposed to and the better he or she will be able to talk. Hearing words helps to build a rich network of words in a baby's brain. Children whose parents frequently talk/read to them know more words by age 2 than children who have not been read to. And children who are read to during their early years are more likely to learn to read at the right time.

When reading, your child hears you using many different emotions and expressive sounds, which fosters social and emotional development. Reading also invites your baby to look, point, touch, and answer questions — all of which promote social development and thinking skills. And your baby improves language skills by imitating sounds, recognizing pictures, and learning words.

But perhaps the most important reason to read aloud is that it makes a connection between the things your baby loves the most — your voice and closeness to you — and books. Spending time reading to your baby shows that reading is a skill worth learning.

Different Ages, Different Stages

Young babies may not know what the pictures in a book mean, but they can focus on them, especially faces, bright colours, and contrasting patterns. Read or sing lullabies and nursery rhymes to interest and soothe your infant. Between 4 and 6 months, your baby may begin to show more interest in books. He or she will grab and hold books, but will mouth, chew, and drop them as well. Choose sturdy vinyl or cloth books with bright colours and repetitive or rhyming text. Between 6 and 12 months, your child is beginning to understand that pictures represent objects, and most likely will develop preferences for certain pictures, pages, or even entire stories. Your baby will respond while you read, grabbing for the book and making sounds, and by 12 months will turn pages (with some help from you), pat or start to point to objects on a page, and repeat your sounds.

When and How to Read

Here's a great thing about reading aloud: It doesn't take special skills or equipment, just you, your baby, and some books. Read aloud for a few minutes at a time, but do it often. Don't worry about finishing entire books — focus on pages that you and your baby enjoy. Try to set aside time to read every day — perhaps before bedtime. In addition to the pleasure that cuddling your baby before bed gives both of you, you'll also be making life easier by establishing a routine. This will help to calm your baby and set expectations about when it's time to sleep. It's also good to read at other points in the day. Choose times when your baby is dry, fed, and alert. Books also come in handy when you're stuck waiting, so have some to fill time sitting at the doctor's office or standing in line at the grocery store.

Here are some additional reading tips:

• Cuddling while you read helps your baby feel safe, warm, and connected to you.
• Read with expression, pitching your voice higher or lower where it's appropriate or using different voices for different characters.
• Don't worry about following the text exactly. Stop once in a while and ask questions or make comments on the pictures or text. ("Where's the bird? There he is!") Your child might not be able to respond yet, but this lays the groundwork for doing so later on.
• Sing nursery rhymes, make funny animal sounds, or bounce your baby on your knee — anything that shows that reading is fun.
• Babies love — and learn from — repetition, so don't be afraid of reading the same books over and over. When you do so, repeat the same emphasis each time as you would with a familiar song.
• As your baby gets older, encourage him or her to touch the book or hold sturdier vinyl, cloth, or board books. You don't want to encourage chewing on books, but by putting them in his or her mouth, your baby is learning about them, finding out how books feel and taste — and discovering that they're not edible!
  
  

What to Read

Books for babies should have simple, repetitive text and clear pictures. During the first few months of life, your child just likes to hear your voice, so you can read almost anything, especially books with a sing-song or rhyming text. As your baby gets more interested in looking at things, choose books with simple pictures against solid backgrounds.

Once your baby begins to grab, read vinyl or cloth books with faces, bright colours, and shapes. When your baby begins to respond to what's inside of books, add board books with pictures of babies or familiar objects like toys. When your child begins to do things like sit up in the bathtub or eat finger foods, find simple stories about daily routines like bedtime or bath time. When talking starts, choose books that invite babies to repeat simple words or phrases.

Books with mirrors and different textures ( soft, scratchy) are also great for this age group, as are fold-out books that can be propped up, or books with flaps that open for a surprise. Babies of any age like photo albums with pictures of people they know and love. And every baby should have a collection of nursery rhymes!

One of the best ways you can ensure that your little one grows up to be a reader is to have books around your house. When your baby is old enough to crawl over to a basket of toys and pick one out, make sure some books are included in the mix. 

Reading for pleasure is another way you can be your baby's reading role model.

Childhood stress

As providers and caretakers, adults tend to view the world of children as happy and carefree. After all, children do not have jobs to keep or bills to pay, so what could they possibly have to worry about? Plenty! Even very young children have worries and feel stress to some degree.

How Does Stress Manifest Itself in Children?

Stress is most often seen as an overt physical reaction: crying, sweating palms, running away, aggressive or defensive outbursts, rocking and self-comforting behaviours, headaches and stomachaches, nervous fine motor behaviours (e.g., hair twirling or pulling, chewing and sucking, biting of skin and fingernails), toileting accidents, and sleep disturbances (Stansbury & Harris, 2000; Fallin, Wallinga, & Coleman, 2001; Marion, 2003). Experts suggest that children may react globally through depression and avoidance; excessive shyness; hyper-vigilance; excessive worrying; "freezing up" in social situations; seemingly obsessive interest in objects, routines, food, and persistent concern about "what comes next"; and excessive clinging (Dacey & Fiore, 2000).

Sources of Stress

Stress is a function of the demands placed on us and our ability to meet them. These demands often come from outside sources, such as family, jobs, friends, or school. But it also can come from within, often related to what we think we should be doing versus what we're actually able to do. So stress can affect anyone who feels overwhelmed — even children. In preschoolers, separation from parents can cause anxiety. As child get older, academic and social pressures (especially from trying to fit in) create stress.

Many children are too busy to have time to play creatively or relax after school. Children who complain about all their activities or who refuse to go to them might be over scheduled. Talk with your children about how they feel about extracurricular activities. If they complain, discuss the pros and cons of stopping one activity. If stopping is not an option, explore ways to help manage your child's time and responsibilities to lessen the anxiety.

Their stress may be intensified by more than just what is happening in their own lives. Do your children hear you talking about troubles at work, worrying about a relative's illness, or arguing with your spouse about financial matters? Parents should watch how they discuss such issues when their kids are near because children will pick up on their parents' anxieties and start to worry themselves. World news can cause stress. Children who see disturbing images on TV or hear talk of natural disasters, war, and terrorism may worry about their own safety and that of the people they love. Talk to your children about what they see and hear, and monitor what they watch on TV so that you can help them understand what's going on.

Also, be aware of complicating factors, such as an illness, death of a loved one, or a divorce. When these are added to the everyday pressures children face, the stress is magnified. Even the most amicable divorce can be a difficult experience for children because their basic security system — their family — is undergoing a tough change. Separated or divorced parents should never put children in a position of having to choose sides or expose them to negative comments about the other spouse.

Also, some things that aren't a big deal to adults can cause significant stress for children. Let your children know that you understand they're stressed and don't dismiss their feelings as inappropriate. To adults, childhood can seem like a carefree time. But children still experience stress. Things like school and their social life can sometimes create pressures that can feel overwhelming for kids. As a parent, you can't protect your kids from stress — but you can help them develop healthy ways to cope with stress and solve everyday problems.

Suggestions

Children deal with stress in both healthy and unhealthy ways. And while they may not initiate a conversation about what's bothering them, they do want their parents to reach out and help them cope with their troubles. But it's not always easy for parents to know what to do for a child who's feeling stressed.

Here are a few ideas:

Notice out loud. Tell your child when you notice that something's bothering him or her. If you can, name the feeling you think your child is experiencing. ("It seems like you're still mad about what happened at the playground.") This shouldn't sound like an accusation (as in, "OK, what happened now? Are you still mad about that?") or put a child on the spot. It's just a casual observation that you're interested in hearing more about your child's concern. Be sympathetic and show you care and want to understand.

Listen to your child. Ask your child to tell you what's wrong. Listen attentively and calmly — with interest, patience, openness, and caring. Avoid any urge to judge, blame, lecture, or say what you think your child should have done instead. The idea is to let your child's concerns (and feelings) be heard. Try to get the whole story by asking questions like "And then what happened?" Take your time. And let your child take his or her time, too.

Comment briefly on the feelings you think your child was experiencing. For example, you might say "That must have been upsetting” or "That must have seemed unfair to you." Doing this shows that you understand what your child felt, why, and that you care. Feeling understood and listened to helps your child feel supported by you, and that is especially important in times of stress.

Put a label on it. Many younger children do not yet have words for their feelings. If your child seems angry or frustrated, use those words to help him or her learn to identify the emotions by name. Putting feelings into words helps kids communicate and develop emotional awareness — the ability to recognize their own emotional states.

Help your child think of things to do. If there's a specific problem that's causing stress, talk together about what to do. Encourage your child to think of a couple of ideas. You can start the brainstorming if necessary, but don't do all the work. Your child's active participation will build confidence. Support the good ideas and add to them as needed. Ask, "How do you think this will work?"

Listen and move on. Sometimes talking and listening and feeling understood is all that's needed to help a child's frustrations begin to melt away. Afterward, try changing the subject and moving on to something more positive and relaxing. Help your child think of something to do to feel better. Don't give the problem more attention than it deserves.

Just be there. Children don't always feel like talking about what's bothering them. Sometimes that's OK. Let your children know you'll be there when they do feel like talking. Even when children don't want to talk, they usually don't want parents to leave them alone. You can help your child feel better just by being there — keeping him or her company, spending time together. So if you notice that your child seems to be down in the dumps, stressed, or having a bad day — but doesn't feel like talking — initiate something you can do together. Take a walk, watch a movie, or bake some cookies. Isn't it nice to know that your presence really counts?

Be patient. As a parent, it hurts to see your child unhappy or stressed. But try to resist the urge to fix every problem. Instead, focus on helping your child, slowly but surely, grow into a good problem-solver — a child who knows how to roll with life's ups and downs, put feelings into words, calm down when needed, and bounce back to try again.

Parents can't solve every problem as children go through life. But by teaching healthy coping strategies, you'll prepare your children to manage the stresses that will come in the future.

Advantages of Boarding School

What is a Boarding School?

In essence, a boarding school is a college preparatory institution where students and teachers live and study together in a safe and secure campus environment. As you might imagine, attending boarding school provides many advantages for students—and their families.

Boarding School Will Develop Your Child

Boarding schools have an outstanding tradition of academic excellence, built on an educational model that delivers diverse curricula, taught by highly qualified and exceptionally motivated teachers, in small classes that encourage meaningful interaction with the students. Ninety percent of boarding school students said in a recent survey that they felt challenged academically. Official figures back it up. Boarding school students spend more than twice as many hours a week on homework than their peers in state schools.

Learning Continues Beyond the Classroom

At boarding schools, learning extends beyond the classroom. Because staff and students live together, students benefit from countless "teachable moments" inside and outside of the classroom. Boarding school students also participate in more extracurricular activities than students in state schools, whether playing sports, engaging in creative skills like music or painting, or participating in student government and school club activities.

Boarding Students Discover Self-Reliance

Boarding school environments can range in character from arts-focused to militarily-oriented, but almost always feature a student body composed of young people from a diversity of backgrounds. At boarding school, students are empowered to achieve their true potential and enjoy a measure of real independence. Because they are not living at home, they are required to learn how to live with, trust, and respect their peers. As many graduates have remarked, there are few substitutes for having to manage your own academic and personal responsibilities at a young age.

Boarding Graduates Lead Exceptional Lives

Boarding schools also offer the priceless gift of preparing young people for future success. The academic rigor and the training in negotiating the responsibilities of independence set boarding school graduates on a path to prosperity—professionally, socially, and culturally.

A Once-In-A-Lifetime Opportunity

It is often said that at boarding school, students "live to learn" since they spend large parts of their day engaged in learning activities. But they also "learn to live" by shouldering the responsibility that comes with greater independence. Without question, boarding schools shape lives for the better. Unsurprisingly, the experience leaves a positive impression on graduates and over 80% say they would repeat the boarding experience – given the chance.

The Big Advantages of Boarding Schools

1. Boarding schools traditionally have highly qualified teachers who see their work as a calling – not a job.

2. Children at boarding school benefit from small classes and heightened interaction between students and their teachers.

3. The residential campus environment ensures that students are immersed in an educational world where learning is central to all activities. It’s a unique setting that promotes common experience, camaraderie, friendship, trust and honesty between children and adults.

4. Boarding school students are uniquely prepared for university life. Graduates often end up attending the finest universities. In addition, they arrive at college better prepared for academic rigor because of they learned how to be responsible at boarding school.

5. Students are conditioned for future success because they are encouraged to achieve their full potential at boarding school. Studies show that boarding school graduates not only excel at university, but advance rapidly in their professional careers.

Choosing a Boarding School

No two boarding schools are alike. Like every child, every boarding school is unique. It’s important, therefore, to find the right boarding school for your child. Here are some helpful hints that will assist you in making an informed decision.

Step 1: Look at numerous schools
Start by looking at every school which catches your fancy. Take time to browse each school's website. Many have excellent video tours will have testimonials from students or parents. There may also be official reviews from overseeing bodies. Also check out independent boarding school review websites that do not filter student comments. You should probably take a look at 15-20 schools before refining your list.

Step 2: Narrowing your list
This can be time-consuming because you need to sit down with your child to review each school on the list. As you work through the original list, discard schools which don’t appeal and aim to produce a shortlist containing a maximum of 5 schools. You can narrow down your original list by asking numerous questions.

• Do you want single gender or a coeducational school?
• Do you want a small or large school?
• Do you want a religious school?
• Does the school cover your special interests such as sport or drama?
• What about special needs?
• What are the class sizes?
• What is the standard of residential accommodation?
• How good are the recreational facilities?
• Is your child a good match for the school and vice versa?
• Is your child likely to pass the entrance exam?
  

Step 3: Visit the shortlisted schools
Visiting schools on your short list takes time but it is a must-do step. Nothing beats visiting the campus, staff and students. The visit and interview is your chance to assess whether a school really is a good fit for your child and your requirements.

Step 4: Admissions Testing
Now is the time to list down to your final choices and submit your child to sit the admissions tests. Make sure your child has plenty of practice well in advance of the tests.

Step 5: Apply and Pay for it
Most schools have online applications which simplify the process. Some schools use a common application form. If you need financial assistance, ensure you file the financial aid request forms in good time. Most private schools offer generous financial aid packages. Some even offer a free education if your family fulfils a means test.

Dos & Don’ts

DO visit schools
Visiting schools takes time and effort – but it’s worth it.

DON'T ignore your child's views
The older your child is, the more he or she will have a say about the choice of school. Listen carefully and take your child’s views into account when making you final choice.

DO budget for the unexpected
Because the boarding school may be located some distance from where you live, always build some flexibility into your budget for unexpected expenses such as travel. In addition to the teaching and accommodation fees, there may be unforeseen expenses for trips and events which your child cannot miss. It is probably wise to add another 10% to the school's monthly bill for contingencies.

DON'T be over protective
Every parent is concerned about their child – it is perfectly normal. Being over protective of your child, however, is not good. Always remember your child is at boarding school to grow in confidence and independence so avoid too many parental visits. It’s easy to stay in touch by email and phone.

English schools have a reputation for producing students who are considerate, well-behaved and able to think for themselves; qualities which are prized around the world. As a recent article in the Daily Telegraph observed, ‘Britannia may no longer rule the waves but, so long as English is the lingua franca of business and banking, there will be a worldwide market for good British Schools.’ In May 2010 The Independent outlined what it felt to be the three main reasons why British Boarding Schools do so well. Firstly, they have favourable teacher-pupil ratios; secondly, they invest in facilities like sports fields, theatres and art rooms; and thirdly, they have traditions which are instilled in their pupils.

Raising confident children

One of the biggest building blocks for a successful, fulfilling life is confidence. It helps us set and achieve goals, try new things and meet new people. Confidence can be hard to develop, especially for children. If you give your children the right tools to cope with life's ups and downs, they will be much better equipped to build confidence and a belief in themselves.

Practice acceptance

Not all children are going to be the life of the party. Every child is different. Think about the fact that some children are introverted and some are not. There is room on the planet for both. If your child has only one friend, this doesn't necessarily mean he or she is lacking confidence. If they have one friend, you know they are capable of making friends. This is just their style of friendship. Some children are friends with the entire class, while others choose one person they feel close to. Try to avoid comparing your child's social behaviour to your own. Just because you have many friends and an active social calendar doesn't mean your child will be the same way.

Encourage rather than praise

Praising your children for an achievement, such as receiving an 'A' on a test or scoring a soccer goal, sounds like a good idea, but you are still judging even when judging favourably. When you praise your child, he or she is only being evaluated on the end product, not the effort put in to get there. In some cases, children can become afraid of losing their parent's love if they are not good enough.

Break things down into small tasks

There are ways around daunting tasks or taking on things that require a lot of confidence. Breaking something down, even something as simple as making the bed or tying shoes, can make children more capable of taking on new tasks.

Turn mistakes into opportunities to learn

Let's face it, we all make mistakes – big and small. But it's how we deal with them that really matters. The same applies to children. If your child spills a glass of milk, don't yell at them for making a mess or make them feel like they've done something terribly wrong. Instead, show them how to clean up the mess. This teaches them they are capable of taking control over a situation, even when things don't work out. See mistakes as opportunities to learn. Discuss the mistake and plan for minimizing the chances for it happening again. If children know mistakes aren't the end of the world, they will be less likely to avoid trying new things based on a fear of failure.

Help children develop skills

One of the biggest building blocks for self esteem lies in feeling capable. This is a big piece of the self-confidence puzzle. As soon as your child is old enough to brush their hair, dress themselves or cut their toast, let them do it by themselves. By doing everything for them, you aren't allowing them to develop skills or a belief that they can try new things. The more they do by themselves, the more confident in their own abilities they'll become.

Set a good example

Even if you are conscious about ensuring you do all of the above to help build and maintain a child's confidence, you also have to be conscious of how you react to your own mistakes. If your child sees you throw your hands up in frustration and beat yourself up after burning the lasagne, chances are, your children will pick up on this behaviour. Children learn by example and what you do and say when something goes wrong can influence how they handle similar situations. Try to turn your own mistakes and frustrations into learning experience for the whole family, rather than using to negative self-talk or anger. Always let children make mistakes and encourage them so they try again next time.

Be enthusiastic if your child is showing you a new skill

Help your child identify their unique qualities and strengths. Convey a message that you believe they can achieve success if they persist. Kids tend to live up to the expectations we set for them.

Spend time together

Spend time with them every day so they feel appreciated and loved. Give them your undivided attention, even for 10 minutes a day.

Be a positive role model. If you have confidence, it will rub off on your child.

A shy child

Some children are outgoing. Others feel uncomfortable joining a group or being the focus of attention from people outside the family. The tendency to be shy is mostly a matter of inborn temperament, not something that parenting causes or can change. But you can help your child to feel comfortable being who she is.

A shy child is anxious or inhibited in unfamiliar situations or when interacting with others. Most children feel shy from time to time, but the lives of some are severely restricted by their shyness.
A shy child is most likely to be nervously constrained if they feel they are ‘on show’, such as when meeting someone new or having to speak in front of others. A shy child is much more comfortable to watch the action from the sidelines rather than join in.

Most children feel shy from time to time but the lives of some are severely curtailed by their shyness. Children who suffer from extreme shyness may grow out of it as they mature or they may grow up to be shy adults. Parents can help their children to overcome mild shyness. In severe cases, professional help may be advisable.

How to tell if shyness is a problem

There is a wide range of shyness that is normal. A slow-to-warm-up child is usually able to get over an initial tendency to hang back. Once that’s done, the child joins in joyfully. An overly shy child, on the other hand, avoids many social situations completely and misses out.
Normal shyness does not prevent a child from going to school, going to birthday parties, or playing in the park. But a thoughtful adult (often a parent or teacher) might need to take some time to help the child feel comfortable in the beginning.

Shyness becomes a problem when it blocks a child’s ability to move ahead developmentally – to make relationships with people outside the immediate family, including peers, teachers and other adults.

Shy behaviours

Here are some shy behaviours that might concern you.

• Your child clings to your legs when there are unknown adults around. After a few minutes of not being pressured, a normally shy child is able to start moving away or playing. I like the term ‘slow to warm up’ to describe this sort of behaviour.
• At the park, your child stands off on the side as other children play with each other. Afterward, she might say that she had fun, even though all she did was watch. Parents need to feel comfortable letting their children take their time to warm up.
• Your child doesn’t want to be dropped off at school or at the sitter’s house. You might need to stay for several minutes while he becomes comfortable and involved in play. Then, it’s best to simply say goodbye without much fuss. This communicates confidence in your child’s ability to handle the situation. It shouldn’t take longer than a week for a child to become comfortable, although you might have to repeat the process for each new situation. Over time, you can remind your child, ‘I know you always feel uneasy at first, but then you’re always OK’.
• Your child refuses to speak outside the home. This problem tends to get worse over time. It is probably important to work with a professional in situations such as this.
• Your child refuses to ‘perform’ for strangers, as in, ‘Say your alphabet for the nice doctor, Sam’. This behaviour is very common in preschool children. Some completely healthy children might never feel comfortable ‘on stage’. The best approach is to lower the pressure as much as possible.
• Your child chooses to play by himself much of the time. This is normal for many children, as long as they have at least one or two friends (for a child aged four or older).
• Sometimes shyness goes along with other fears – fears of animals, for example, or the dark. Pay attention to your own feelings.
  

Sometimes what concerns parents the most about their children are issues that were in fact hard for the parents when they were growing up. If you remember being painfully shy as a child, you might find your child’s shyness hard to bear. On the other hand, if you have always been very outgoing, you might find your child’s shy behaviour especially puzzling.
By paying attention to your own feelings, you will be able to focus more clearly on how your child’s shyness is affecting her.

Complications of shyness

Constant and severe shyness can reduce the quality of a child’s life in many ways, including:

• Reduced opportunities to develop or practise social skills
• Fewer friends
• Reduced participation in fun and rewarding activities that require interaction with others, such as sport, dance, drama or music
• Increased feelings of loneliness and reduced self-esteem
• Reduced ability to reach full potential because of their fear of being judged
• High anxiety levels
• Embarrassing physical effects such as blushing, stammering and trembling.
  
  

Possible causes of shyness

Some of the possible causes of shyness, often working in combination, may include:

• Genetics – aspects of personality can be decided, at least in part, by the individual’s inherited genetic makeup.
• Personality – emotionally sensitive and easily intimidated babies are more likely to grow up to be shy children.
• Learned behaviour – children learn by imitating their most influential role models: their parents. Shy parents may ‘teach’ shyness to their children by example.
• Family relationships – children who don’t feel securely attached to their parents or who have experienced inconsistent care-giving, may be anxious and prone to shy behaviour. Overprotective parents may teach their children to be inhibited and afraid, especially of new situations.
• Lack of social interaction – children who have been isolated from others for the first few years of their lives may not have the social skills that enable easy interaction with unfamiliar people.
• Harsh criticism – children who are teased or bullied by significant people in their lives (parents, siblings and other close family members or friends) may tend towards shyness.
• Fear of failure – children who have been pushed too many times beyond their capabilities (and then made to feel bad when they didn’t ‘measure up’) may have a fear of failure that presents itself as shyness.
  

The less confident a child feels, the more likely they are to behave in a shy way.

Parental attitudes are crucial

Parents are very influential in their children’s lives – probably much more than parents realise. Suggestions include:

• Be careful not to label your child as ‘shy’. Children (and adults) tend to live up to the labels others give them.
• Don’t let other people label your child as shy either.
• Never criticise or mock your child when they are shy. Be supportive, empathic and understanding.
• Encourage your child to talk about the reasons for their shyness – what are they afraid of?
• Tell your child about times in your life when you have been shy and how you overcame it. Since young children often see their parents as perfect, admitting to your own shyness can make your child feel better and reduce their overall anxiety.
• Be outgoing yourself. Model confident behaviour and lead by example.
  
  

Strategies for the parent

It is possible for the parent to encourage their child to be more outgoing. Strategies depend on the individual child and circumstances but can include:

• Share personal coping strategies you’ve learned over the years on overcoming shyness. Practice these strategies with your child.
• Tell your child about the many advantages of not being shy. Offer examples from your own life.
• Encourage outgoing behaviour. Praise your child when they handle an unfamiliar situation or meet a new person without resorting to shyness.
• Try goal-setting with your child. Aim for small, incremental steps and praise them for their progress. For example, saying ‘hello’ to another child may be a big first step.
• Deliberately take your child into new situations. Aim for small changes in behaviour first and gradually build up. For example, reward a child if they greet someone who is new to them. Be supportive.
• Make sure your child is allowed to excel in what they do best. Praise them for skills they have mastered.
  
• It’s important to consider how you talk about your child when she displays ‘shy’ behaviours. If you say, ‘Oh, Ann’s just shy’, this gives her a label. It doesn’t give her the option of being different. Try saying instead, ‘Ann will come and talk or play when she’s comfortable’. This sends the message that your child has some control, and give her an idea about how to cope.
  
• What helps children the most is to know that their parents accept them as they are and have confidence that they will be fine. You can also help by giving your child extra time and support.

The biology of shyness

A large part of a child’s personality is inborn. More and more, scientists are discovering how differences in the brain result in differences in how children respond to the world. Shyness is one of those personality traits that has been studied the most.
The tendency to be shy arises, in part, from the part of the brain that controls how we respond to things that are new or unfamiliar.
Most sensitive children grow up healthy and well-adjusted . Some even learn to be outgoing, although I suspect that some element of their earlier sensitive nature remains with them. The key to these good outcomes is parents who understand and accept their child’s individual differences, and who support the child in coping with new people and situations at the child’s own pace.

The professional help

If your child’s shyness is especially debilitating, you may like to consider professional help from a counsellor or psychologist. Treatment options include:

• Stress management
• Relaxation strategies
• Counselling sessions
• Social skills training.