Active families

You see them on the weekends - riding their bikes to the sporting fields where they cheer on their children before riding to a park for a quick picnic lunch before spending the afternoon playing football and flying the odd kite. Who are these active families and what is their secret? We reveal the secrets so you too can be an active family.

Just do it

 

Active families don't think about getting out and about – they just do it. It comes naturally. You can make it come naturally to you too. Think about how you could make your life active, do a bit of research, and then put the plan into action. Perhaps you could:

• take up a team sport
• walk to the local shops rather than drive
• walk or cycle your children to school
• go for a family bike ride on the weekend
• make Sunday your family active day and get to the park. 
  
  

Find what you love

 

Many people don't exercise. If you don't love it, you won't keep doing it. Think about what you loved doing as a child – then start doing it again. Whether it's skipping, adult ballet or swimming, almost every child's activity has an adult counterpart. Don't just dream about it – do it.

Make it a date

 

Write firm dates for exercise and activity on your calendar and follow through. If you plan on walking after dinner every Friday night as a family, then make sure you do it. Every Friday night. Don't let life get in the way of active living.

Practice what you preach

 

Children follow our example. If you want an active child – you need to be an active adult. Children who see their parents routinely exercise will also think it's a normal and natural thing. If you take your child to sport training, rather than sitting in the car and waiting for them – or dashing off to do some shopping – wear trainers and go for a walk/run around the sports field while they’re training.

Try something new

 

Sometimes it takes a while to find something that you love, sometimes you'll be surprised at what you enjoy. For example, boxing classes; many women LOVE them. Check out your local gyms or exercise classes and find something that intrigues you. It could be aqua class or zumba – the sky's the limit. Same with children, don't just sign them up for tennis because you played as a child. What else is out there that could interest them? 

Make it fun

 

When you take your child to the park, don’t half-heartedly stand there pushing the swing. Give your arms a real workout and really give them a push. Join in! Remember the exhilaration of sliding down a slippery dip? Don’t just enjoy the memory – do it!
The best way to encourage your children to get active is to see their parents participating and enjoying it. Make movement fun – not a chore. If you do something active every day it’ll become a normal, natural part of life. Go on, your family will be much healthier and happier for it.

Bullying

Bullying is when a person deliberately and repeatedly hurts someone else. The hurt can be physical or emotional. Bullying includes hitting, pushing, name calling, leaving people out and teasing. If anyone feels scared or hurt when they are with someone, they may be being bullied. Bullying is a form of aggression that can escalate into violence. Children who are being bullied need adults to intervene and provide support.

If parents don’t know whether or not their child is being bullied, the following are warning signs that might indicate that their child is being bullied.

The child:

• gets hurt or bruised;
• is scared or has nightmares;
• loses or has damaged possessions;
• puts him/herself down;
• doesn’t want to go to school;
• has no friends or party invitations;
• often feels sick; or
• acts aggressively. 
  
  

Parents can help their children deal with bullying by

• Asking their child what is wrong;
• Reminding children that they have a right to feel safe;
• Letting their children know what bullying is and how to spot it;
• Teaching children how to stand up for themselves (for example teaching them to look the person in the eye and say ‘stop bullying me’);
• Teaching children not to laugh at anyone being bullied, not to join in bullying, not to give a person who is bullying lots of attention and not to leave people out of games;
• Telling the school and demanding action. 
  
  

Parents can take steps to deal with children who are bullying others

• Increase supervision when the child is with other children;
• Talk with the child about the impact of bullying on others. Try to get them to understand what it is like for the person being bullied;
• Ask how they would feel if they were being bullied;
• Talk about what they think might help them to stop bullying;
• Make clear rules and consequences, and be consistent in addressing inappropriate behaviour;
• Praise children when they play cooperatively with others;
• Consider enrolling the child in a group program that helps children learn to manage their behaviour.
  

It is possible for a child to learn how to sort out problems in a way that makes everybody happy. Good conflict resolution skills do not seem to be used in most of the conflicts we see or hear about, (such as in the family home, in films and on television, on the news). However there are excellent ways of dealing with conflict that lead to a peaceful solution.
The following steps are useful in helping children find peaceful ways of solving problems with other people. You can change the way you ask the questions depending on the age of the child, but the general steps are the same for all ages.

• Help your child to understand the other person’s point of view and to learn how to take their perspective. Ask them what they think the other person might be feeling, or how they might feel if they were in the same situation. You could get them to ask the other person to say how they are feeling and what they would like to have happen.
• Together, you could encourage the children to brainstorm different ways that they could solve the problem. Encourage them to come up with several different and interesting ways that they could go about it.
• Help the children to choose the options that they think work best for everyone, and get them to have a go at putting them into practice. Stay around to see how they get on, and help them fine-tune the solution if needed.
• Reading children books that teach conflict resolution skills through stories can also be helpful. 
  
  

Helping when your child is bullied

• Listen to what your child tells you and don't dismiss it. It's important that he knows that you believe him and are taking him seriously
• Discuss with him why he thinks he's being picked on - by working out what is making him a target; he can work on strategies to overcome the problem. Make sure he knows that you don't think he's being bullied because of anything he's done.
• Don't take any action yourself unless your child agrees - although if he's being physically hurt, you may have to do something whether he wants you to or not.
• Help him work on some coping strategies - what he can do or say that may help his situation.
• Don't label your child or offer reasons that he may be being bullied - he needs your support not more proof of his lack of worth.
• Contact your child's school, if the bullying is happening there. They should have a bully policy and be receptive to your concerns.
• If you suspect that it's your child's lack of confidence that is making him a target, encourage his self-confidence by focussing on the things he does well.
  

Handling conflicts

If you're overwhelmed, give yourself a time-out. You might simply say, ‘I need a moment to calm down’. When children see you calm down, they might calm down too. Nothing is quite as powerful for a child as a parent who just stops to think about his own feelings.

Explain a time-out or disciplinary action without attacking your child. If you give a time-out, explain why. You might say, ‘You need a time-out to cool down’. Use a rational tone, otherwise your child might hear only your anger and not think about the consequences of the behaviour.

Don't drag out a fight with too much discussion. If either you or your child is feeling out of control or in a rage, a lot of talking might not help. In fact, it could prolong the conflict.

If you’re not sure what to do or how to discipline your child, take a break. You can always tell your child, ‘I will be back in a minute with my decision’.

Avoid physical power struggles. Using your size and strength only heightens the conflict. You can avert danger and acknowledge your child’s power by saying, ‘Please put that down. You could hurt someone you love’. If your child does actually hit you, try not to hit back in anger. This will just teach your child that it’s OK to hit when you’re frustrated. Instead, try to use this as a ‘teaching moment’. For example, let your child see that you’re upset and say, ‘Ouch, you hit me. That really hurt.’

Try not to take your child's strong feelings personally. Many parents feel frustrated or personally attacked if their child criticises or explodes at them. 'I hate yo' is not actually a personal statement. What your child really might be saying is 'I hate your power'.

Keep breathing and stay relaxed. It's hard not to tense up when your child is getting out of control, but if you stay relaxed, she’s more likely to follow. Sometimes we start holding our breath when things get tense. Instead, inhale, exhale and then talk through your own feelings in a clear and (if necessary) firm way.

Ask yourself, ‘Do I really need to fight about this?’All parents fight with their kids over stupid things. If you can cut down unnecessary fights by 20% and say this isn’t worth a battle, life will be better. However, if you are avoiding 80% of battles, then you are avoiding being an authority.

Learning how to repair the connection and re-build trust after conflicts with your child is one of the greatest gifts a parent can give to the relationship. As you learn to repair conflicts well, your child will live in an emotionally safer and more peaceful world. When repair happens after conflict, conflict in the family becomes much less scary and threatening for parent and child and the patterns of quickly reacting with highly charged defensiveness begin to slowly but surely dissipate.

Problem solving can only happen when the connection has been restored. Truly listening and helping your child with their big feelings will allow them to come back to a place of peace with themselves and with you. When the warm connection has been restored between parent and child, talking about what might have worked better or what could work better another time is much easier and more constructive. Follow your child's lead, if thinking about what happened or needs to happen seems too much for them (usually communicated by their defensive reaction), this is a sure sign that they're still operating from highly charged emotions and are not yet ready to operate from their logical thinking. It may mean that more resolution is needed or that you need to let it drop for now, and trust that helping them feel safer and more secure, helping them feel liked, seen, heard, loved and believed in is more important than creating a plan of action for the future right now. One step at a time.

Understanding children's emotions

Understanding your child’s emotional development

When we talk about emotional development, we are referring to children’s growing ability to

• identify and understand their own feelings
• accurately read and understand the feelings of others
• manage the way they feel
• shape the way they behave
• develop empathy for others, and
• build and keep good relationships with friends, family and others.
  

From the time they are born, children quickly develop their abilities to experience and express different emotions, as well as their capacity to cope with and manage a variety of feelings.

Managing feelings

Children’s ability to manage or shape the way they feel is a critical part of their development and often the source of much parental concern. Children don’t start life with the ability to control how they are feeling. They are easily overwhelmed by strong feelings and cannot calm themselves down. Babies and young children need parents to help them to do this. Young children frequently get frustrated because there is a large gap between the things they want to do and what they are actually able to do. This often results in a temper tantrum.
Feelings and behaviour are closely linked. When feelings are not well managed, children’s ability to think can be impaired. As a result, children act on their feelings often without thinking.
By the time they start school, children are more aware of their own feelings and the feelings of others. They are better able to link their thoughts and feelings and use words to describe their feelings. As such, they become better able to change and shape the way they feel. Children’s ability to change and adapt their feelings means they are more likely to tolerate their own frustration better, put off getting things they really want and are able to calm themselves down. 

Relationships are important for children’s feelings

Children’s emotional development is greatly influenced by the quality of the relationship that is developed between themselves and their parents. The way parents interact with their child has a lot to do with the way the child will develop emotionally.
Children learn to manage their emotions by watching how other family member express and manage their emotions. Parents play a critical role in modelling how to respond to strong feelings. Children need help and practice in managing their emotions.

Supporting your child’s emotional development

• Keep the emotional climate of the home calm, warm and predictable.
  
• Accept and acknowledge your child’s emotions.
  
• Read stories to children and talk about the different feelings characters in the book may be feeling.
  
• Talking about emotions helps children to better understand their feelings.
  
• Help your child to put feelings into words – “it seems like you are feeling disappointed at the moment”.
  
• Encourage children to talk about situations that make them feel excited, happy, angry or worried.
  
• Praise children for not losing control and staying calm.
  
• Help children to separate feelings from behaviour – “I know you are feeling angry but it is not OK to hit.”
  

Imitation and imagination

We all know the scene: a child, wrapped in his or her own imaginary world, fights off aliens while flying through space on a rocket made from an empty box. But could such flights of fancy be critical to humanity as we know it?

For children between two and seven years old this may have been an important step. Here’s why.

A cornerstone of human cumulative culture is our overwhelming propensity for copying what others do. Research has shown that children will imitate extended action sequences shown to them by an adult, even if those actions clearly serve no functional purpose.  This is important given that children grow up in environments saturated with tools and objects they must learn to use, adopting a strategy based around exact copying may have fewer costs than attempting to selectively choose relevant components.
 
But copying everything others do won’t allow anything new to be created. Fundamental to our progression as a species is our capacity for invention. We are constantly developing new ways of doing things – and constantly providing new answers to questions that once seemed beyond our reach.  Our capacity for creative thinking sets us apart. But it doesn’t just emerge in us as adults. It very likely finds its origin in the imaginative play that children engage in from very early in life.
 
When children play they pretend – they let their imaginations run wild. Without this glorious period of child play in which the imaginative mind can flourish, it’s hard to see how such a mind could emerge at all.  So we have two core traits that seem necessary for cumulative culture to emerge – a tendency for copying others with high fidelity, and time for play. Both of these are laid down when we are children.  So it may be the mind that gives rise to cumulative culture emerges only after being first established in the mind of the developing child.
 
In sum, imitation and pretend play are critical developmental domains in the evolution of human cumulative culture.  So next time you see a little one being a copycat or pretending to be an astronaut, take the time to reflect that, without these things happening, we may have never got to the moon.
 
The sight of children playing in the streets seems to be long gone in many parts of Western Europe, but the wane of outdoor play also means losing many of the learning benefits. 

The great outdoors is one of the oldest play places in the world, where children play some of the most interesting games. Playing outside today is rare as children: spend more time indoors in front of the television or computer and being taken everywhere in the car. 

The fun of outdoor play 

Besides being out in the fresh air, one of the big benefits of outdoor play versus indoor play is being free from parental and adult constraints. One theory says all the taunts, calls, rhymes and teasing that go on when adults aren't around actually give children the chance to:

• understand complex speech and language patterns like phonology, lexis, grammar and syntax
• develop more complex skills around friendships and social engagement
  
• encourage young children to play outside at least once a day - even when the weather is bad - children need to experience all types of weather, so don't allow bad weather to stop. Just dress appropriately.
  

Becoming a mother

For many women, becoming a mother means their hopes and dreams have come true. They love feeling their baby move inside them. They feel a sense of achievement in giving birth. They love holding, touching, watching and smelling their baby. For others, these happy emotions are mixed with feelings of losing their old life – things like financial independence, career, spontaneity, and time with partner and friends. Single mothers and women with partners who work away also face

the job of caring for the baby alone, which can be daunting and exhausting. Mothers who decide to go back to work may also feel guilty about what they are missing in their baby’s life.

All these losses can be felt quite strongly, despite the joy a baby can bring. On top of everything, you may not be the “perfect mother” or have the “ideal baby” you imagined. If motherhood is not what you expected, it is easy to blame yourself or believe motherhood is not for you. However, it is important to remember that no one is perfect. 

 

Motherhood is an enormously challenging job!

Helpful expectations for mothers

Try to be realistic about what you expect of motherhood. Here are some things it may help to remember:

• There is no “right” way to deliver a baby.
• Mothers do not always fall in love with their baby right away.
• It may take some time after the birth (especially after a very long or difficult delivery).
• There will be good days and not so good days for every mother.
• There are many very big changes to adjust to and many mothers feel they are not coping at times. Parenting is a skill you learn.
• You will get more confident with your baby over time.
• Most people find the first 6-8 weeks the hardest.
• Breastfeeding is also something you learn. It will be easier for some mothers and babies than others. Mothering is very intense and unrelenting.
• You will benefit from “time out” for yourself to have a break and do something you enjoy.
• Don’t expect to do all the things you used to do while also caring for a newborn.
• Be prepared to let some things go for a while.
• Some babies are easier to settle and comfort than others. It may not be that anything you are doing is “wrong”.
• Many mothers struggle to find time for household tasks, like cooking and cleaning,
  especially in the early months. 
• Try to relax and enjoy your baby - they will grow up fast!
  
  
  
   

After caesarean

 

How will I feel emotionally after my caesarean?

 

How you will feel depends on your individual case. A lot will depend on the circumstances of your baby's birth, and what kind of experience you were expecting.

You may just be glad the birth is over and grateful that you and your baby are well. You may feel elated and delighted, if everything went to plan. Or you may be upset and perhaps disappointed that you didn't give birth to your baby vaginally, if that is what you were hoping for.

After your baby is born, you should have the chance to talk through what happened. Before you leave hospital your midwife, hospital doctors and perhaps your obstetrician, may be able to talk with you about your baby's birth. If you don't get to speak to them before going home, arrange an appointment via the head of midwifery or lead obstetrician at the hospital. Meeting up with them afterwards will also give you the chance talk about how your caesarean may affect your future pregnancies. 

How will I feel physically after my caesarean?

 

A caesarean is major surgery. Even so, it may still come as a surprise how much it hurts afterwards. You may feel you can't do anything on your own. Just to make small movements, such as shifting up the bed, you'll probably need something or someone to hold onto. It will hurt to cough or laugh.  Supporting your wound with your hands or by holding a pillow over your stomach will help.

To help your recovery and ease your discomfort:

• Eat and drink as soon as you feel hungry or thirsty. Drink plenty and eat fibre-rich foods to help prevent constipation.
• Wear loose clothes and cotton underwear. Try wearing knickers that are a size bigger, buy some high-waisted underwear.
• Your wound dressing will be taken off the day after your caesarean. Midwives and doctors will regularly check your wound and your temperature to look for signs of an infection. Keep an eye on your wound for signs of infection, such as extra soreness, redness or discharge.
• Wash and dry your wound every day. It's fine to have a shower or bath and to use soap on the wound, as long as you rinse it off. Don't rub the wound while you are washing. Gently pat it dry with a clean towel. 
  
  

How long will it be before I can get out of bed?

 

At first you'll probably feel as though you'll never walk again. So it may come as a surprise when your midwife encourages you to get out of bed and move around. Even if it's the last thing you feel like doing, it's worth making the effort. Try to get up as soon as you can after your baby's been born, and definitely within 24 hours.

The sooner you get going, the better it is for your circulation and general recovery. Being mobile also means you can have your bladder catheter removed, although it's usually left it in for at least 12 hours after your last epidural top-up. Once you've got up for the first time, the next time will be easier.

You'll be encouraged to do ankle exercises while you're in bed to improve circulation to your legs. After childbirth and surgery - and remember you've been through both - there's a chance you could develop a blood clot. This could be serious if it lodges in a vein in your leg or your lung. Doing exercises will reduce the chance of this happening.

Will I be able to breastfeed?

 

Yes, you're just as likely to breastfeed your baby successfully as if you've had a vaginal birth.

Try to have someone else around when you're feeding your baby. They can help you to get comfortable before you start, and then hand your baby to you. Some hospital beds have cots that clip onto the bed that make it easier for you to reach your baby for feeds. Lying on your side may be easier than sitting up.

If you're taking other medication you'll need to check with your midwife and doctor that they're safe to take. You will be given alternatives if they are not.

What will the scar look like?

 

In most caesareans, the cut is made along your bikini line. At first your scar will look very red, but as the weeks and months go by it will gradually fade and be covered by your pubic hair. While your scar heals it may be sensitive and itchy, particularly when the hair re-grows.

You may notice some numbness on or around your scar. This usually gets better a few months after the operation but it can carry on for longer.

A year after your operation, the scar will probably have faded to a faint line. It will always be a slightly different colour to your normal skin tone but may eventually be almost invisible. 

When can I go home and how will I feel once I'm home?

 

You'll probably stay in hospital for four or five days, though in some private hospitals you may be offered a stay in a local hospital with some medical supervision if you and your baby are well after a few days.

When you're home, you shouldn't lift anything heavy. Movements that involve stretching upwards will be difficult for you for some time. If you have people who can help you, let them! You may find some movements painful for up to six months after the surgery.

You might not feel well enough to drive for up to six weeks after your caesarean, as turning and twisting may be awkward and having to do an emergency stop could be very painful. You should not start a more strenuous exercise programme until eight to 10 weeks after your caesarean.

Sleep for children

 

There’s more to sleep than meets the eye. Understanding sleep and sleep patterns is a starting point for helping your child develop healthy habits and a positive attitude towards sleep. 

 

Why sleep?

 

Humans spend about one-third of their life asleep. Yet science knows remarkably little about why we need to sleep, what happens when we sleep, or why we feel restored by a good sleep.
We do know that sleep deprivation has serious consequences. Sleep is necessary for the brain and body to develop. This is one of the reasons why very young children spend so much time sleeping.

Normal sleep phases

 

Normal sleep in all humans involves cycles between:

• active and quiet sleep
• light and deep sleep. 
  
  

Active and quiet sleep
 
In active sleep, babies breathe irregularly and shallowly, twitch their arms and legs, and display rapid eye movements under closed lids. In fact, limb muscles become temporarily paralysed. Heart rate increases, and blood pressure rises.
In adolescence and the adult years, active sleep is called rapid eye movement (REM) sleep. Active sleep is a form of light sleep.
In quiet sleep, babies lie still and breathe deeply. They’ll occasionally jerk or ‘startle’. Quiet sleep is similar to non-REM sleep in older children and grown-ups. It can be light or deep.

Light and deep sleep
 
Light sleep can be very light – sometimes you might not even realise you’re asleep. We can be easily woken from light sleep.
Someone in deep sleep is hard to wake. Deep sleep is a lot more peaceful and restful. It’s thought that deep sleep is the time when we grow and heal. Someone in deep sleep might feel quite drowsy if woken.

Sleep cycles

 

In the course of one night, grown-ups and children move through repeating cycles of quiet and active sleep.
Typically, more of our sleep in the early part of the night is quiet sleep (about 80%). Then, about halfway through our normal-length sleep, our sleep cycle flips. By morning, about 80% of our sleep is active sleep.
This is why it’s easier to be disturbed towards the end of a sleep.


Sleep cycles in babies and children
 
Cycles of quiet and active sleep last 30-50 minutes in babies, then gradually increase in length across childhood.
Some babies and children fall deeply asleep very quickly. Others sleep lightly, fidgeting and muttering for up to 20 minutes, before getting into deep sleep.
Children usually wake briefly at the end of each sleep cycle. This is a normal part of healthy sleep – all children do it. Some children call out when they wake and need help settling again, but independent sleepers put themselves back to sleep. Not all parents hear their children when they wake up.


Sleep cycles in adolescence and adulthood
 
In adolescence and during the adult years, each cycle of active and quiet sleep lasts about 90 minutes.
Each cycle ends in a brief awakening, and these can happen several times throughout the night. These awakenings don’t normally disrupt our sleep, and we usually aren’t even aware of them. If things haven’t changed, we’ll normally go straight back to sleep – but if things have changed around us, we’re uncomfortable or anxious, our pillow is missing, or we’re disturbed by a noise, we might wake fully.

How sleep cycles change over time

 

The amount of time we spend in each type of sleep varies depending on our age.
At birth, full-term infants spend about half their sleeping time in active sleep. Each sleep cycle lasts only 40 minutes (compared to 90 minutes for a grown-up). This means that, biologically, infants are programmed to sleep more lightly and have more awakenings than grown-ups.
The amount of active sleep in our sleep cycle decreases with age. By three years of age, 33% of sleep is active.
By the time we’re around 13 years old, only about 20% of our sleeping time is active sleep.

When we sleep

 

It takes time to consolidate most of our sleep into the night-time. Babies and children vary in their sleep habits and sleep requirements, just like adults. It can be a good idea to have routine sleep times to stop your child getting overtired or sleepy during the day – see what works best for your child.


Under six months
Newborns sleep on and off through the day and night.
Babies aged 3-6 months might start moving towards a pattern of 2-3 daytime sleeps of up to two hours each. They might still wake at least once at night.


From 6-12 months
From about six months, babies have their longest sleep at night.
Between six and 12 months, most babies are in bed between 6 pm and 10 pm. They usually take less than 30 minutes to get to sleep (but about 10% of babies take longer).
Most babies can sleep for a period of six hours or more at night and are waking less. About 60% will wake only once during the night and need a grown-up to settle them back to sleep. About one in 10 will call out 3-4 times a night. More than a third of parents report problems with their baby’s sleep at this age.
85-90% of infants aged 6-12 months are still having daytime naps. These naps usually last 1-2 hours. Some infants will sleep longer, but up to a quarter nap for less than an hour.

Waking at night is partly related to the child’s worry about being separated from a parent or parents. Overcoming this worry is normal and necessary for all children as a step towards becoming more independent at night.

From 12 months
From this age, children tend to sleep better. Some toddlers start to resist going to sleep at night, preferring to stay up with the family – this is the most common sleep problem reported by parents. It peaks around 18 months and improves with age.
Less than 5% of two-year-olds wake three or more times overnight.


From 3 years
Children aged 3-5 years need around 11-13 hours of sleep a night. Some might also have a day nap that lasts for about an hour.
Children aged 6-9 need 10-11 hours sleep a night. They’re usually tired after school and might look forward to bedtime from about 7.30 pm.


From 10 years
Children entering puberty generally need about 9¼ hours of sleep a night to maintain the best level of alertness during the day.
Changes to the internal body clock during adolescence means it’s normal for teenagers to want to go to bed later at night – often around 11 pm or later – then get up later in the morning.
90% of adolescent children don’t get the recommended amount of sleep on school nights. Getting enough good-quality sleep is important during this period, because sleep is vital for thinking, learning and concentration skills.
Parents can help children get enough sleep by encouraging a set bed time on school nights, then allowing kids to stay up a bit later on the weekends. To prevent Monday morning blues and early week tiredness, it can be a good idea not to get up too late on weekends.

Tips:

• Take a bath
• Brush teeth
• Read a story
• Make sure the room is quiet and at a comfortable temperature
• Put your child to bed
• Say goodnight and leave
• Have your child form positive associations with sleeping alone on their own. The child can then fall asleep on their own once awaken during the night
• Make bedtime the same time every night
• Make bedtime a positive and relaxing experience without TV or videos. Save your child’s favourite relaxing, non-stimulating activities until last and have them occur in the child’s bedroom
• Nap and nighttime sleep are both necessary and independent of each other, according to national sleep foundation. Children who nap well are usually less cranky and sleep better at night. Although children differ, after six months of age, naps of 1/2 to two hours duration are expected and are generally discontinued between ages 2-5 years. Daytime sleepiness or the need for a nap after this age should be investigated further. 
  
  
  

Boys will be boys

Boys will be boys, but what does that mean exactly? Gender stereotypes label boys as loud and lacking the emotional depth of girls, but parents of boys know their sons do not necessarily fit into these categories.

Boys under the age of 10 can prove challenging for parents. Behaviour, poor self-confidence and learning issues keep parents of boys in that age group busy. The straightforward nature of adolescent boys makes them easier to raise compared with teenage girls, so the pressure does ease. This is good news for any parent who is tearing their hair out raising a household of young boys. Hang in there - life will get easier! It helps to appreciate what makes boys tick.

They are wired for activity

Boys are wired to be active and territorial, which is one of the reasons why parents are kept busy raising boys in the early years.  Boys are biologically more active than girls. They want and need to move. Rather than try to slow them down, meet them at their own game. Joint projects can result in a combined sense of accomplishment. There is a reason that dads play catch with their sons. They understand the need to connect through action.

They are slower to mature

The maturity gap between boys and girls of between 12 months and two years seems to be consistent all the way to adulthood. Parents should take this into account when deciding the school starting age of their sons. There is some wisdom in delaying the starting age of boys by up to a year.

They want approval

Most boys ache for approval from the parents - their fathers in particular. As a father, it is better to foster a strong relationship. Some boys like to talk; others like to share an activity and others love to be hugged. Make sure you match your relational style with theirs so you are on the same wavelength.

They want to blend in

Boys tend to be very loyal to their friends. They don't like to stand out from the crowd so they respond best to private praise and won't respect you if you embarrass them in front of their friends.

They need a disciplined approach

Boys like limits and boundaries. They make them feel safe and secure and help them learn to behave well. Boys also like to know that a parent will enforce the house rules, so don't be afraid to be firm, but you don't have to use the same authoritarian methods parents in the past may have used. Firmness, fairness and consistency are the keys to effective discipline for boys.

They are pragmatic learners

Boys need a reason to learn. If you are having difficulty motivating your son, point out the benefits of learning tasks. They may play a musical instrument when they know they can play in a band or practise kicking if they can see it helps them score more goals. Link learning to their interests. If they love skateboarding they will want to know more about it, so use this as a lever to motivate them if reading is a problem.

They are single-minded

Boys have a specialist brain, which tends to be logical and rational. They don't have the same connections between the right and left side of the brain that girls have. That's why parents often have to coach boys of all ages in the finer points of communicating. This can help them focus on tasks, make quick decisions and get to the point when needed. Deep, meaningful connections and attachments are key to healthy development. Forcing your son to be a “big boy” doesn’t help a boy who is truly terrified in his heart. Boys won’t show you their fear. Forcing them to be independent only isolates them from their emotions and causes them to pretend independence.


Understand your son’s real feelings
Often when boys are behaving aggressively or responding with anger, they are stifling powerful emotions such as sadness, shame, or fear. When you see aggressive or angry behaviour, look for the pain behind it. Find ways to connect with your son that allow him to share with you the root of the problem. Be an active listener, and by that I mean be active with your son and let him talk.


Teach your son that there are different ways to become a real man
Becoming a professional athlete or earning lots of money are two conventional representations of successful manhood. There are others. Help your son look around, see the man who is an artist, the the boy who recently graduated from college and has chosen to be a teacher. These are also real men.


Encourage creative expression
Once the sports routine of soccer, basketball and baseball starts for boys, many families forgo the art classes for example. Don’t give in to convention; help your son express his creativity by keeping up with the art/music/dance classes. Do it together. Or make it a habit to visit art galleries, museums and concerts. If you are inclined towards crafts, do craft projects with your son.


Be an advocate for your son and all boys
No one knows your boy better than you do. Trust your instincts. If something does not feel right, it probably isn’t. Perhaps it is time to sit back and consider what you feel to be the right course of action and stand by your son.

Look after your child's mental health

Most children, like adults, experience some anxious moments or have fearful thoughts and feelings from time to time. But anxiety and fear can be paralysing and some children simply can’t stop their ‘bad thoughts and feelings’. They don’t know how to silence them. It’s important to remember that anxiety is a normal part of life and it can be managed, but you should also recognise that it takes time to manage anxiety and understand that it can’t be solved in one conversation.

How to help children overcome anxious moments

• Anxiety is contagious. Parents and children can feed each other’s anxieties. When children get anxious, it’s the job of parents to stay calm, think clearly and role model confidence.
• When your child becomes anxious, create calmness through your words, voice and facial expression.
  
  

Help your children unwind

Modern children are busy children. Regardless of age, their days are filled with activities and it’s not uncommon for children to have four and five extra curricular activities a week. There’s nothing wrong with children being busy as long as they also have plenty of chances to relax and unwind. Relaxation is a key to good mental health and wellbeing and it’s an important life skill for children to learn.

One way to ensure busy children unwind is to allow them to be bored every so often. There’s a temptation to fill days with activities so that no time is wasted. ‘I’m bored!’ is often the last thing parents want to hear their children say. Many parents feel compelled to do something to alleviate a child’s boredom. But there’s nothing wrong with a little boredom now and then. “Boredom can be good for children's mental health and wellbeing, because it gives them the chance to take it easy for a time.

• Let children exercise without rules. Children have always been the kings and queens of play, that is until their lives became highly organised and scheduled. Child-initiated play is the ultimate in relaxation.
• Let children experience flow. It’s the ultimate unwind. Free play generally takes young children to flow state very quickly.
• Help children calm down before bedtime. Have a bedtime routine that calms children rather than winds them up. Be part of the routine by reading, telling nursery rhymes or giving soothing back rubs.
• Unwind with your children. Do something together that you both enjoy.
  
  

Provide a consistent environment

Consistency is an essential element in our relationship with our children because it puts them in control. Children love their parents to be consistent, as it enables them to predict how parents will act. It’s important to be consistent in all areas of parenting, including regular mealtimes, bedtimes and reactions to behaviour. This enables them to grow and reassures them someone is there for them.

Children also like limits and boundaries, as they provide them with structure and teach them how they should behave. Of course, children also like to push parental boundaries, so parents need to resist the pressure that children can exert upon them.

Consistency also means not parenting on a whim, so following through and doing as we say. It means not giving children second and third chances. It also means not allowing children to get away with misbehaviour two or three times then coming down hard the fourth time they misbehave. Consistency prevents misbehaviour from escalating. We help children develop self-discipline, which is the aim, when we are consistent and do as we say we will – every single time.

How to be consistent with your children

• Focus on priority behaviours. It’s difficult to be consistent with every single wrong doing, so focus on one or two main ones. When you follow through with priority behaviours it has a positive effect on other behaviour.
• Check your routines. Do you have routines for troublesome times of the day such as bedtime or mealtimes?
• Act rather than talking over or repeating yourself. Sometimes a consequence can be inconvenient in the short term, but long term it pays off with children who end up being better behaved.
  
  

Fever - children

What is a fever?

A fever is when the body's temperature is higher than normal.

Humans usually have a body temperature within a very narrow range. Normally a child has a fever when their temperature, is over 37.5ºC. (when taken by a thermometer in the mouth or under the arm).

A child with a fever often has a hot, flushed face. The forehead may feel hot. The child may feel hot, or sometimes even shivery. A child's hands and feet may feel cold, even when the rest of the child is hot. Children with fever are often miserable or tired.

Is fever good or bad?

Fever is the body's natural response to infection. Raising the body temperature helps the body to fight off the infection, so it is not always necessary to treat the fever.

However, children with fever often feel uncomfortable and unwell and using measures to bring down their temperature can help.

Fevers, especially if they are rapidly increasing, may occasionally bring about convulsions (fits) in children under five years old. These are not dangerous but they can be frightening. Keeping a child’s temperature from getting too high may prevent fits. 

What causes fever?

The most common cause of a fever is infection. Infections of the upper respiratory tract, such as colds and flu, are very common, especially in preschool children. Young preschoolers can have five to ten infections each year. These infections are caused by a virus and get better on their own without antibiotics.

Some infections, like ear infections and some throat infections, may be caused by bacteria. If your child has a bacterial infection, he or she will get better much quicker if antibiotics are prescribed by a doctor.

Fever may also be caused by other factors, such as prolonged exposure to the sun on a hot day.

When do you need to see a doctor?

You need to see a doctor if your child has a fever and:

• Your child is very young (six months or younger).
• Your child seems very sick.
  

You also need to see a doctor if your child:

• Has an earache.
• Has difficulty swallowing.
• Has fast breathing.
• Has a rash.
• Has vomiting.
• Has neck stiffness.
• Has bulging of the fontanelle (the soft spot on the head in babies).
• Is very sleepy or drowsy.
  

Older children who have a cold, but are not very sick, generally do not need to see a doctor with every fever.

Treatment of fever in children

Usually your child's fever will be caused by a viral infection and will get better on its own. Monitor your child's fever by regularly checking their temperature.

A fever is part of the body’s natural response to infection and can often be left to run its course provided your child is drinking enough and is otherwise well. If your child is having trouble drinking though, trying to reduce their temperature may help. Maintaining fluid intake is important in preventing your child from becoming dehydrated, which can lead to more serious problems. As a guide, your child's urine should be pale yellow – if it's darker, drinking more fluids should be encouraged.

Keep your child away from school or day care while they have a fever. However, if your child is very hot and uncomfortable, you can try these simple steps:

• Take off your child's clothes.
• Give your child plenty to drink; children with a fever need more fluids.
• Consult a doctor if the fever does not settle or your child is still sick.
  

Better grades

Parents who want to help their children succeed in school must strike the proper balance. They should be involved—but not too involved. They should set limits—but allow freedom. They should encourage their kids to excel—but not expect perfection. However, it’s not as hard as it might sound to help your children enjoy their academic experience. Here are 10 tips on how to make this year a great one for your family.

1. Create a routine. Children benefit from having structure in their home life, getting up at the same time each morning, eating a nutritious breakfast, and instituting a positive bedtime ritual that includes 20 minutes of reading (up to middle school). As the children get older, they can take turns reading with you. Let it be interaction time. They can ask questions and discuss what they’re reading and talk about other ways a story might end.

2. Prepare for the morning the night before. Avoid morning chaos by eliminating the need for last-minute decisions. A bad morning practically ensures a difficult day at school. So accomplish as much as possible before bedtime, such as helping your child choose what clothes to wear and gathering all needed school materials in the same spot. Having a backpack prepared with all essentials also helps foster self-confidence. And those attitudes in turn influence student performance.

3. Help your child get organized. Organization extends beyond assembling the next day’s materials. Children need help developing a system for storing and retrieving items so that they feel in control of their success. Helping children keep backpacks uncluttered and storing all school items in a safe place can also train children to develop organizational habits that will serve them well throughout their lives.

4. Provide a quiet place for homework, but let your child work alone. A regular time and a good workspace to complete homework are essential, and homework should be a household priority. On the other hand, remember that the work is your child’s responsibility, not yours. Keep the house quiet during homework time, but don’t stand over your child while he or she is doing homework, Be available to help. But you don’t want to make it a ‘Let’s sit down and do our homework’ process. Remember that homework provides important information about student comprehension to teachers, so you do your child a disservice if you correct answers. If you feel that you must help, point out mistakes but let your child figure out how to fix them.

5. Limit distractions. Television, computers, and video games can be a huge competitor for your child’s attention, especially when it comes to homework, so limit these activities, at least on school nights. TV encourages children to be passive recipients of information and trains their brain to pay attention to rapidly changing, highly stimulating information. As a result, children tend to turn off and tune out from less highly stimulating information, such as someone reading to them or a teacher talking to them.

6. Encourage intellectual curiosity. Engage your child in dinner-table conversations. Share your own interests, such as what you’ve learned recently about gardening or playing the piano. Talk about current events. Nourish your child’s curiosity about the world, and focus on love of learning. 

7. Allow free time. Every child needs time to unwind, so be sure that at least part of each day is free of responsibilities. In particular, don’t over schedule your child with too many afternoon activities. You have to make sure your children free time to replenish their energy. Opportunities for unstructured play, protect children’s emotional development as it helps them manage stress. The absence of such free time creates unnecessary anxiety.

8. Build relationships with teachers. Open the lines of communication - ask the teacher how things are going and be open to hear about problems. And don’t criticise teachers, especially in front of your child. 

9. Focus on effort rather than grades. Show confidence in your children’s abilities but don’t ask too much of them. If you’re always raising the bar, they never feel quite good enough, if they get a report and they’ve got A’s and B’s and also one C, don’t just jump in on the C. Start with a focus on what they did well. Then talk about how they feel about the C and whether that represents good effort for them or if they need to work on it.

10. Learn how to step back. When evaluating your child’s overall performance, be careful not to let your own ambitions take over. Resist the urge to micromanage your child’s education. School is your child’s job, not yours. Stop worrying about whether your child is doing well enough to get into a good college. The result of such pressure is that children feel like failures. A child that might have been a really happy average student and would go on to be perfectly successful in life might become an unhappy average student or an unhappy above-average or excellent student struggling to deal with depression and anxiety.